


So Peaceful Until

by SlantedKnitting



Series: kinkme-merlin fills [9]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, M/M, Marijuana, Modern Era, Recreational Drug Use, Shyness, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-23 00:32:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 48,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11978358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlantedKnitting/pseuds/SlantedKnitting
Summary: Merlin has a hard time talking with people, and that's a dire understatement. He has his friends, though, and he's happy. Then Merlin notices the Golden Boy for the first time and can't stop thinking about him.Modern AU.





	So Peaceful Until

**Author's Note:**

> Originally started on LiveJournal based on [this kinkme-merlin prompt](http://kinkme-merlin.livejournal.com/33344.html?thread=35204672#t35204672): Merlin is painfully shy and self-conscious and he is never able to approach boys he is attraed by. He notices Arthur at Uni cafeteria and he likes the blond so much one day he decides to just give it a try, sits next to him and just says looking into the other's eyes "I want to have sex with you". Bonus point if Merlin is still a virgin.
> 
> I originally called it "How Merlin Got His Groove Back (Or Discovered It in the First Place)" and only posted the first two scenes. Now, FIVE YEARS LATER, I've re-worked the premise a bit and here is the fully fleshed out story of these two dorks.
> 
> BASICALLY, HERE IS THE SLOW-BURN ANXIETY!MERLIN FIC THAT NO ONE WAS ASKING FOR.
> 
> Enormous, endless thanks and praise to [Mya](http://ji-ang.tumblr.com/) for basically taking my fic shit and turning it into a diamond. Also thanks to [Sarah](http://archiveofourown.org/users/silence_since_silence) for helping me figure out the sex. All remaining typos, errors, and stupid ideas are mine :)
> 
> Also also, I guess this is an American college AU, but... the setting isn't super crucial, so I don't know. Imagine whatever rural college or university in whatever country you want :)
> 
> Also there's too many showers in this fic, but there's nothing wrong with some excessive personal hygiene, right?! And one last note: I'm not claiming that this is an authentic or realistic portrayal of selective mutism, but hopefully it's not so far off-base as to be offensive. I did as much research as I could but there is surprisingly little info out there, and I had to tweak some things to fit the fic, so... basically just fair warning that this isn't meant to be an exemplary example of this particular disorder.
> 
> And now onto the show. Enjoy!

Merlin didn’t usually look up from his lunch. He always took care to sit in the back room of his college’s dining hall, as far away from any other students as possible. If a table against the far wall was open, he would sit facing away from everyone else.

He liked the illusion of being alone. He liked knowing that no one was paying any attention to the kid sitting by himself in the back of the room.

Wednesdays were always busy, though. He had to eat lunch right at 12:30—between his morning and afternoon classes—and, apparently, so did every other student on campus. The crowds on Wednesdays were almost unbearable. Merlin usually did his best to just blend in, not get in anyone’s way, get his lunch, and find a table as quickly as possible. He hated trying to navigate through so many other people, especially when none of them seemed to have even the slightest notion of spatial awareness.

If he was quick enough, Merlin could usually secure a small table for himself toward the far wall, or at least against the side wall of windows overlooking the rugby field. If his class let out a few minutes late, or if he spent too long deciding what to eat, he usually had to settle for a table closer to the back room’s entrance. On the first Wednesday of the semester, he’d had to eat in the much bigger, much louder, and much more crowded main room; he hadn’t even been able to find a table for himself, so he’d had to share with another student. They’d sat at opposite ends of a long table, both trying their best to ignore each other. Merlin had resolved to skip lunch if he ever found himself in that situation again.

Merlin didn’t like crowds. He didn’t like people he didn’t know. He didn’t like being in the center of a lot of chaos. And he didn’t like drawing attention to himself; he just wanted to go about his business and eat lunch by himself.

He didn’t have many friends, and the ones he did have were mostly quiet, like him. They usually ate dinner together at a large corner table in the back room. There, they were isolated enough that they could talk and unwind from a day of classes before going their separate ways.

After dinner, Gwen usually went to the library in search of a desk hidden behind the stacks or, if the weather was nice enough, she would try to find a quiet spot outside to do her homework. Will usually went to the student center’s second floor because there was a lounge up there that had mostly been forgotten. Sometimes, Merlin went there, too—he liked reading his modernist and post-modernist novels on the comfortable couches and playing pinball during his steady breaks.

Usually, though, Merlin went back to his dorm room. He would lock his door and spend the night by himself, listening to music and setting up camp at his desk for several long hours of work.

Merlin liked his classes and his professors and his homework. Studying wasn’t a chore for him—he loved it. He got to read fantastic books by amazing authors and pour his soul out in analytical papers, dissecting his favorite parts and sharing his insight and making new meaning. He got to listen to students who were just as invested as he was discuss the texts with professors who knew so much that it seemed as if they’d written the books themselves.

More than that, Merlin got to write his own stories, and that was why he was really at college—he wanted to be a writer. He wanted to create. He wanted to share the things going on inside his head with other people. He wanted make something _beautiful_ and have readers react to it. He wanted to evoke emotions. He wanted to make people think and question, get lost in his words, and feel the same way he felt when he was reading.

Mostly, Merlin wanted to escape himself and his limitations. When he was writing, alone in his room at night, he became larger than life. He suddenly knew more than he consciously realized and could confidently, clearly express himself. He could write hundreds of different characters in thousands of different situations; he could explore all perspectives, channel all sorts of feelings, and get his characters to say things he could never say himself.

He could become his characters. He could feel them inside of himself, bursting forth through his fingers and onto the page. He could be loud and outgoing and articulate and everything that he never really was, out in the world.

During the day, Merlin was just Merlin. He was self-conscious and shy and quiet. He was almost silent. Sometimes, he could speak up in class—when he really forced himself and when he trusted the professor and when there weren’t any overpowering student voices in the class—but, sometimes, he couldn’t. Sometimes, he had something to say, something he was sure the professor would want to hear, something that would make him look good and change the direction of the conversation—but he just couldn’t actually speak.

Despite rarely speaking in his classes, Merlin still liked to share his writing. He liked the critiques and suggestions from the other students and his professors. His writing was something that could improved, whereas his personality and anxiety disorders had always been the same. He didn’t imagine they would ever change.

That was why he never made small-talk with the other students in his classes. He never tried to put himself out there and make new friends—he loved the friends he already had because they didn’t mind his selective mutism and had never tried to change him. He wasn’t good at making friends, anyway; new friends usually found him instead. Will was his friend because they’d been roommates freshman and sophomore years, Gwen was his friend because they’d been in so many literature classes together, and that was it. He was happy to have them as his only friends, though; they never made fun of him or made him feel guilty about the way he froze up on occasion. They never judged him.

They would never get in the way of him trying to have a normal, peaceful lunch despite the boisterous Wednesday crowds in the dining hall. They didn’t care that he preferred to sit by himself in the backroom with a book out or with headphones in so he had an excuse not to look up or interact with anyone. They wouldn’t stop him from trying to pretend that he was alone and that no one else existed in the room.

On this particular Wednesday, though, there was a group of students making a lot of noise nearby, and Merlin found it impossible to stay in his bubble of privacy. They were the only loud table in the back room, and they were disturbing everyone. They should know better; Merlin liked to refer to it as the “back room,” but most of the other students called it the “anti-social room.” Merlin knew he was anti-social, but he didn’t feel the need to label the whole room that way. It was simply a quiet space—everyone knew that. At least, everyone was supposed to know that.

Merlin knew that the loud students were probably just overflow from the main room, but he still thought they should respect the atmosphere of the back room. No one else was laughing so much. No one else was shouting to get a friend’s attention. Everyone else was sitting calmly and eating their lunches like normal people.

He tried glaring at the group for a while, hoping to silently get the point across that they were being loud and obnoxious and that he wanted them to shut up or _leave_.

When it was clear that they weren’t going to notice him no matter how many daggers he tried to shoot out of his eyes, Merlin found himself observing the loud group for different reasons.

There were six students at the loud table, and, somehow, they all looked like models. They were well-dressed with perfect hair and striking facial features and _muscles_ all over. Merlin guessed they were members of some sports team.

Merlin was sure they would smell good and could imagine a way to test his theory: he could wind his way through the tables and drop something behind one of their chairs and take a big whiff when he bent down to pick it up. He could find a way to make it work. But he would never actually do it. He wasn’t that bold.

One of them, Merlin realized belatedly, was Elyan, Gwen’s brother. Merlin didn’t know him very well—Gwen almost never invited him to hang out with her group of friends. Merlin was pretty sure that Elyan was on the rugby team or at least had been at some point. The only thing Merlin could really remember for sure was that Elyan had gorgeous eyes, although Merlin couldn’t see them just then because he was facing away.

Merlin found that the table’s loud laughter bothered him less and less the longer he looked, if only because the loudest guy was so _crinkly_ around the eyes and mouth. He looked like he didn’t have a care in the world and was having the time of his life, sitting in the back room with his best friends and just laughing up a storm like the rest of the dining hall didn’t matter at all.

He was also blond. He was more than blond. He was _golden_. He looked like the sun was still on him even though he was inside. He was practically glowing, and his laugh was nothing short of magnificent. It was loud and bark-like, but it was so _happy_ that Merlin had to bite down a smile at the sound of it. And he tossed his head back when he laughed, letting his neck arch long and graceful. His Adam’s apple bobbed with each fit of laughter, and Merlin gulped every time he got a glimpse. His jawline was smooth and angular and masculine, and Merlin wanted to _lick_ it.

He glanced over and Merlin looked right into his blue eyes for a long, heart-stopping moment. Then his lips quirked and he looked away. Merlin left without finishing lunch.

 

~~0~~

 

Four days passed before Merlin saw the golden boy again. It was Sunday, and he was sitting in the back room with Will, eating an early dinner before they went to Will’s room avoid working on their senior projects and play video games instead.

The golden boy came into the back room with his dinner tray and picked a seat near the entrance. It was clear from the way he kept looking around as he ate that he was waiting for someone else to join him. No one ever came in to sit with him, though, so Merlin was pretty sure he was just putting on an act.

After Merlin and the golden boy made eye contact a few times, Will called Merlin out on his fierce blush.

“You look like a tomato.” Will glanced over his shoulder. “Is someone naked?”

“No,” Merlin said, blushing even more at the thought of the golden boy without any clothes.

“Then why do you look like you’re watching porn in public?”

“You’re gross,” Merlin muttered before stuffing pizza in his mouth, hoping Will would drop it.

“I’m serious. What in the world are you blushing at? Is someone gesturing at you to give a speech?”

Merlin rolled his eyes and picked up his glass of milk. He felt the blush spreading up to his ears and down to his neck and knew he must look ridiculous. “There’s a guy I like,” he whispered into his cup. “He keeps catching me staring at him.”

Will grinned. “Doesn’t that mean you’re also catching him staring at you?”

Merlin shrugged but couldn’t help but look over at the golden boy again. He hadn’t thought about it that way.

“So, who is it? It’s been eons since I’ve seen that stupid look on your face.” Will looked over his shoulder again, and Merlin whined in protest because the golden boy chose that moment to look over at them.

“Turn back around,” Merlin hissed.

Will took his time returning his attention to Merlin. “I never knew you had a thing for jocks,” he teased.

“I don’t,” Merlin said quietly. “It’s not that, he’s just… I don’t know.”

Will snorted.

“Shut up,” Merlin grumbled. He went back to his dinner and tried to think about what games he wanted to play in Will’s room, but he couldn’t stop himself from look back up at the golden boy after a few seconds.

He wanted to get closer, not to actually speak to the golden boy, but to get a really good look—for literary purposes. The guy was _gorgeous_ , and Merlin wanted to be able to describe such beauty in all its glory, should one of his stories call for a devastatingly handsome character.

“Come on,” Will said, pushing back his chair. “I can hear the controllers calling out our names from here.”

Merlin took one last drink of milk and followed Will, forcing himself not to look at the golden boy on his way out.

 

~~0~~

 

The next Wednesday, Merlin managed to get a table along the far wall of the back room for lunch. He hovered over it for a moment before taking the seat against the wall. He set down his lunch, pulled out a book, and tried to read.

He couldn’t concentrate. He kept looking up from his book every few sentences to scan the room—the possibility of seeing the golden boy again was too exciting.

It took nearly 15 minutes, but, eventually, the golden boy and Elyan made their way into the back room and settled at a table close to the door. Before sitting down, the golden boy looked around the room, his gaze sweeping over Merlin for only the briefest of moments. Before Merlin could work out whether or not he’d been spotted, Elyan turned around and looked directly at him.

Merlin panicked, unnerved by Elyan’s narrowed eyes. He looked back down at his book and didn’t let himself glance up again until he’d pretended to read three pages. When he did lift his head, Elyan and the golden boy looked deep in conversation, and Merlin immediately began to imagine a dozen different things they could be talking about that would result in the determined, impassioned look on the golden boy’s face.

He knew they were probably only talking about a recent rugby practice or something else just as inconsequential, but Merlin couldn’t help but hope that they were talking about a book or, at the very least, an article they’d had to read for class. Even though he had no plans to find out either way, Merlin found himself wanting the golden boy to be someone of substance, someone with his own opinions on things like post-modernism, third-wave feminism, consumerism, and the pay rate of the college’s cleaning staff.

Merlin let himself stare at Elyan and the golden boy as he ate his lunch, only looking away when they both stood and were getting ready to leave. He then redirected his attention to his book, re-reading the pages he’d skimmed earlier.

“Hey. Merlin, right?”

Merlin jolted and looked up to see Elyan standing next to his table. The golden boy was loitering in the entrance to the back room, watching them.

Merlin opened his mouth but nothing came out, and he quickly clamped it shut, trying to remember to breathe.

“I’m Elyan, Gwen’s brother. We’ve met a couple times, right?” Elyan held out his hand and Merlin shook it, forcing himself to smile and nod. “How’s it going?”

Merlin shrugged, wanting nothing more than to dissolve into a puddle on the floor.

“We’re having a game on Saturday afternoon,” Elyan continued, gesturing out at the rugby field. “Gwen usually comes. You should go with her.”

Merlin found himself nodding again even though he had no intention of going. He’d never had any interest in sports, let alone something as violent as rugby.

There was a long pause as Elyan waited for Merlin to contribute to the conversation and Merlin tried to force himself to speak.

“Well,” Elyan said eventually, his smile a little too broad, “it was nice seeing you.”

Merlin waved as Elyan turned to go. He propped his elbows up on the table and held his book directly in front of his face so the golden boy couldn’t see him anymore, so no one could see him at all.

 

~~0~~

 

That evening, Merlin ordered a salad wrap from the student-run vegan café near his dorm and ate it alone in his room. He didn’t want to face Gwen or anyone else after the _incident_ with her brother. He just wanted to be by himself.

He hadn’t clammed up that much in a while. Normally, he could force himself to give short answers or whisper a reply when he was randomly approached in public. But he had felt the golden boy’s gaze on him, and he hadn’t been able to say anything.

After eating his wrap, Merlin put on some music and worked for as long as he could stand. He read a short story and an accompanying essay, wrote a response, and read three chapters of the book he’d had with him at lunch.

When he felt like he’d done all he could do for the night, Merlin opened his window and balanced on the sill to smoke a large joint.

He didn’t smoke very often—usually only when he needed to relax after a particularly stressful day. He couldn’t predict its effects, so he mostly only smoked by himself. Sometimes, it made him completely unable to shut up, and, other times, it made him feel like he may never speak again.

His dorm overlooked a large, empty field, so Merlin watched the sky as he smoked, hoping to spot a shooting star. Just as he was thinking of going out to lay in the field and continue the search, he saw a small group of students who seemed to have the same idea. They sprawled out across the grass and pointed up at the sky.

Merlin sighed and stubbed out his joint on the side of the building. He tossed the roach out the window and fell back onto his bed.

“Well,” he said to himself, testing out his voice, “at least you weren’t actually talking to _him_. Or not talking. Or whatever.” He chuckled and spent a few minutes enjoying the weight of his hands on his chest before deciding that he wanted to write.

He put on some music that he could sing along with as he wrote, sat down at his desk, and opened his latest story.

It was an experimental piece about the limitations of normal communication—an unsurprising common theme in his writing—but the overarching plot he was using to explore that subject was a simple romance.

Merlin liked writing romance. He liked considering how couples spoke with each other and why people made such bizarre decisions when love was involved. He liked imagining what it would be like to have that kind of connection with another person, be it emotional or physical or both.

Merlin had never had anything close to that. He’d always been too shy to approach anyone he found attractive; the most he’d ever managed was kissing a girl at a party in high school, but even then he’d been drunk. In the end, the only thing the experience had given him was a deep suspicion that he might be gay.

“Don’t wanna kiss, don’t wanna touch, just smoke my cigarette and hush,” Merlin sang under his breath as he read over what he had written so far, and then he went to work.

He wrote until he was bored and achy from sitting in the wooden chair for so long. When he stood, he printed out his story and went to sit on his window sill to read it while he smoked another joint.

It wasn’t very good, he decided.

His characters were supposed to be holding hands, but his description of the moment was definitely lacking. He’d never really understood that kind of thing. Mostly he thought it was weird. Didn’t couples care that other people were watching and invading their private space? Was anybody ever really _so_ out of control of their emotions that they couldn’t stop themselves from acting on them in public? Didn’t they care what other people thought? Or did they somehow care but just not _want_ to stop?

Merlin couldn’t imagine what that would be like. He couldn’t imagine being so under the influence of love or lust that he would kiss another person in public. And if anyone ever kissed him in public, he knew he’d freeze up and ruin the moment.

He couldn’t picture himself ever wanting anything like that. He could barely even picture himself losing his virginity at this point, especially since he was already a senior in college and well on his way to true adulthood out in the real world.

Mostly, Merlin pictured himself as the kind of person who was too awkward and anxious to even speak with his crush’s friend about something as inane as a rugby game.

Merlin’s thoughts strayed to the golden boy, and he tried to imagine the two of them holding hands or kissing in public—but the thought was just a laugh.

When he couldn’t concentrate anymore, Merlin dropped his story to the floor. He finished off his joint before turning out the lights and crawling into bed, ready to drift into a hazy sleep.

 

~~0~~

 

Merlin woke up early the next morning. He tossed and turned for an hour, trying to fall back asleep, but, eventually—when it became clear that wasn’t going to happen—he made himself get out of bed and take a shower. He was pretty sure he was still high from the second joint he’d smoked the night before, but he felt functional enough. He wasn’t tired or spacing out; mostly, he just felt relaxed and sort of happy. He kept smiling without realizing it, and when he caught himself doing it, he couldn’t help but smile even more.

It was drizzling when he left to get breakfast, but he decided not to go back for an umbrella. His first class on Thursdays wasn’t until 2pm, so he would have plenty of time to come back to his dorm and change into dry clothes if he needed to.

He walked slowly to the dining hall, getting slightly damp but enjoying the quiet morning atmosphere. There weren’t many other students out yet, but he saw two rabbits, three chipmunks, and even a deer off in the distance. Sometimes, he got frustrated with how isolated the college’s campus was from practical things, like grocery stores and pharmacies, but, more often than not, Merlin loved the rural setting and enjoyed being in nature.

At the dining hall, Merlin heaped hash browns and scrambled eggs onto his plate and sat in the main room, which only had about a dozen other students in it. He skimmed the morning’s newspaper, dropping ketchup on several pages as he shoveled eggs and potatoes into his mouth, and then started on the crossword puzzle.

Merlin worked his way through all the “across” clues as he finished eating. He knew the answers for about a third of them, guessed at another third, and left the rest blank.

Before he started on the “down” section, Merlin went back to the cafeteria to get himself some tea and a banana. As he sat down and started peeling the banana, he took a look around the room. More students were filtering in before their first morning classes, though most looked still half-asleep.

He spotted the golden boy sitting alone at a long table by the windows, staring out at the trees with a sort of slack-jawed expression. Merlin ate the banana and watched, wondering what sort of things he could be thinking about.

After a few minutes, the golden boy broke out of his daydream and went about eating his breakfast, which seemed to consist mostly of sausage. Merlin tried to go back to the crossword puzzle, but he could barely read through two clues before looking up again.

The golden boy was wearing a dark red hoodie that looked soft and warm. It fit him like a glove, showing off his muscular arms and broad shoulders. Merlin wanted to run his hands under those clothes to see if the golden boy’s body was soft and warm, too, or hard and hot.

Merlin felt himself starting to smile and tried to stop, but it was no use. He kept picturing himself sitting next to the golden boy—running his hands through that blond hair or stroking a finger down that jutting jaw or rubbing his thumb across that pouty lower lip. He could see himself all over the golden boy, and it was sort of thrilling to imagine himself, for the first time, being affectionate with another person in a public space.

Before he had really thought it through, Merlin stood and made a beeline for the golden boy’s table.

He pulled out the chair opposite and blurted out, “I want to have sex with you,” before he’d even sat down.

The golden boy choked on his coffee and spent a few seconds coughing into his hands and trying to breathe properly. Merlin waited patiently, using the opportunity to get a good look now that he was up close and personal.

He had big blue eyes and the tiniest bit of wispy blond chest hair sticking out near the zipper of his hoodie; he didn’t seem to be wearing anything underneath. There were bags under his eyes and dark stubble along his jaw. He was staring at Merlin.

“Um,” Merlin said, forcing himself to speak before he could freeze up too much. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that. Well, I didn’t mean it _like_ that. Um, shit, I… I’m Merlin. Um. I think you’re friends with Elyan, right? I’ve seen you with him in the back room a few times. I don’t really know him, but I’m friends with his sister, Gwen. Do you know Gwen?”

The golden boy nodded, looking confused and maybe also a little amused.

“Well, she, um…” Merlin trailed off. He had no idea what he was talking about and was getting completely distracted by the slow, teasing way a lop-sided smile was beginning to spread across the golden boy’s full lips.

“Am I dreaming?” he asked.

Merlin blinked, not sure how to respond to that.

“I’m Arthur,” he continued, his voice not quite as deep as Merlin had been imagining. “Good morning, by the way. I know Elyan and I know Gwen and now I guess I know you, too. Or, at least, I know one rather salient fact about you.”

Merlin blushed deeply, suddenly feeling deeply sober and out of place.

A long moment passed as they looked at each other, Arthur’s smile getting surer and Merlin feeling more and more awkward as the effects of the pot he’d smoked the night before finally wore off.

“Did Gwen tell you to come talk to me?” Arthur asked.

Merlin couldn’t get his mouth to open, so he shook his head.

“No? Did Elyan say something?”

Merlin shook his head again.

Arthur bit the corner of his bottom lip, his eyes narrowing slightly. “So you just—totally unprompted—came over and declared you want to sleep with me?”

Merlin closed his eyes and visualized himself speaking to Arthur. He walked through the steps in his mind: opening his mouth, forming words with his tongue, using his throat to project volume, and speaking out loud.

“I’m sorry,” he managed in a whisper. He opened his eyes to see Arthur still smiling at him. He stood quickly. “I’ve never done—I’m not… I’ll—I’ll go.”

“No, no, wait!” Arthur moved quickly, standing and grabbing Merlin’s sleeve and forcing him back into his seat.

Merlin looked down at his lap, wondering what in the hell had possessed him to get himself into this situation. He was never going to smoke again, ever.

“Can we maybe start with like, dinner? A movie? Something more traditional?” Arthur asked as he sat back down without letting go of Merlin’s shirt.

Merlin shrugged out of Arthur’s grip and didn’t look up from his lap.

“I can’t tonight, but…” Arthur paused. “Well, actually, if you want, you can come to a film screening I have to go to. We’re watching _À bout de souffle_ and _Les Quatre Cents Coups_. Might be a bit unconventional for a first date, but this was a lot unconventional for a first encounter, so…”

Merlin swallowed tensely and looked up at Arthur, who was _still_ smiling. “You take French?”

Arthur leaned forward slightly. “Sorry, what?”

Merlin cleared his throat but was painfully aware that he was still only speaking in a whisper. “Are you studying French?”

“Yeah. Well, among other things.” Arthur leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms over his chest, and gave Merlin a long, piercing look. “Elyan says you don’t talk much.”

Merlin frowned and looked down at Arthur’s plate. He wished he hadn’t eaten so much for breakfast—his stomach was churning with nerves.

“I really shouldn’t have done this,” he said, forcing the words out at a normal volume. “I’m sorry. Please forget this happened.”

He stood and managed to get to the end of the long table before Arthur stopped him bodily in his tracks.

“I don’t want to forget this happened. I’m enjoying this rather a lot.” He reached out, took Merlin’s hand in his, and leaned in for a brief, coffee-tasting kiss. “There. Now we’ve both been bold. Will you come to my film screening tonight? Please?”

Merlin nodded jerkily, staring blankly at Arthur’s Adam’s apple, and Arthur gave his hand a squeeze before letting go.

“Good. It starts at 6. Do you know where the film building is?”

Merlin nodded again and stepped away. When Arthur made no move to follow him, he went back to his table as quickly as he could and collected all his things before running back to his dorm through the rain.

 

~~0~~

 

Merlin napped until 11 and got through the afternoon by pretending that his day had started when he’d gotten back up to eat lunch and go to class. He put the morning behind him and forced himself to stop thinking about it every time the embarrassing scene started replaying itself in his mind. He was never, ever, _ever_ going to do something like that again, and he didn’t want to keep reliving it when it so painful and squirm-inducing to think about.

He went to dinner at 5, like he always did, and sat in the back room alone until Gwen joined him.

“Elyan said he tried to talk to you yesterday,” she said as soon as she’d sat down with her food, bypassing a normal greeting. “I hope it wasn’t too awkward for you.”

Merlin shrugged. “It was about as awkward as my conversations usually are,” he admitted.

Gwen smiled sweetly. “Well, apparently one of his rugby teammates has a crush on you.”

Merlin set down his glass of milk carefully, his mind spinning. “What?”

“Yeah, Arthur Pendragon. Do you know him? He’s a linguistics major.”

Merlin stared down at his bowl of mediocre minestrone. “I met him today,” he said quietly.

“Oh, really? Elyan said the two of them have been trying to figure out how to get you two together. I guess he was attempting something yesterday, but he chickened out when you didn’t say anything, so he tracked me down last night and was trying to get me to help him set you—um, Merlin?”

Merlin looked up. “Hm?”

“You look a little pale.”

“I’m just… wondering if the mushrooms in this soup are maybe, I don’t know, psychedelic in some way.”

Gwen laughed. “Why? This can’t be the first time this has happened—you’re very cute.”

Merlin blushed and swirled his spoon around in the minestrone. “No, I… I mean, yes. This is the first time anything like this has ever happened to me.”

“Do you not want it to be happening?” Gwen asked gently after a moment.

“I don’t know,” Merlin admitted. “I went up to him this morning and… well, suffice it to say, it was incredibly awkward and terrible and terrifying, and I think he’s probably changed his mind.”

“What happened?”

Before Merlin could explain, Will joined them and started to complain about the pasta dish he’d chosen for his dinner. Merlin would have been happy to let Will dictate the rest of the dinner conversation, but Gwen stepped in when he finally paused to take a bite.

“We were just talking about my brother’s friend that has a crush on Merlin.”

Will’s eyes lit up and he swallowed his food quickly. “What? Who?”

“His name’s Arthur. Apparently, Merlin met him this morning. I’m trying to get him to tell me what happened.”

“Is this that blond guy?” Will asked.

Merlin nodded. “Nothing happened,” he whispered. “I just made a fool out of myself in front of him. It’s really not that surprising. Nothing worth talking about.”

“Fuck that—tell us what happened! What did he say?”

“He…” Merlin sighed as he finally let himself recall the details of that morning.

“Come on,” Will said encouragingly.

“He invited me to a film screening for his French class tonight.”

Gwen beamed proudly at him. “It definitely doesn’t seem like he’s changed his mind, then.”

“Changed his mind about what?” Will asked.

“About having a crush on Merlin. That doesn’t sound awkward at all! You’re worrying about nothing. When’s the screening?”

“It’s at 6, but I’m not going,” Merlin said decisively.

“Why not?” Gwen asked, slumping slightly in her chair.

“I can’t. You weren’t there. You don’t understand.”

“Merlin,” Gwen said seriously, “he asked you out. You have no reason not to go.”

“I have a thousand reasons not to go, and most of them are the fact that I won’t be able to fucking say anything to him!” Merlin took a long swig of milk as his friends stared at him, clearly stunned by his rare outburst.

“If he really likes you, he won’t care,” Gwen said quietly.

“It’s not normal,” Merlin pointed out. “How am I supposed to go out with him if I can’t even talk to him? He’ll definitely care once it becomes clear I’m completely useless at normal conversation.”

“You’re not useless,” Will said firmly, reaching out to smack the side of Merlin’s head. “Besides, this is the perfect first date for not talking. It’s a fucking movie—you’re supposed to be quiet.”

Merlin shook his head. He finished his milk and set the cup down loudly on the table. “I’m not going.”

Gwen and Will looked at each other skeptically, then turned to him and said, in unison, “You’re going.”

It took Will guiding him by the shoulders and Gwen tickling him to keep him pliant, but, eventually, the two of them managed to escort Merlin from the dining hall to the film building.

“Go in,” Will instructed, giving Merlin a firm shove.

“I’m not—”

“You are,” Will said, almost shouting. “Go!”

Merlin kicked Will in the shins before dashing into the building to avoid retaliation. He turned around once he was inside to see Gwen and Will gesturing wildly at him to go into the screening room.

There were a few other students in the lobby of the building watching him curiously, so Merlin hurried into the theater before it could become more of a scene.

The room was dimly lit, and there were several scattered groups of students in the seats, but Merlin didn’t spot Arthur.

“Joining us?”

Merlin turned to see a handsome, smiling, gray-haired professor motioning for him to take a seat.

He backed out of the room quickly and headed for the front doors, not caring what kind of violent fit he was going to have to throw to get Will and Gwen to let him go back to his dorm room and finish his night in shameful peace and quiet.

“You came!”

Merlin paused, his hand on the door handle, and glanced over his shoulder. Arthur was standing by the water fountain, filling up a large bottle.

Merlin looked outside for help, but Will and Gwen were already gone. He turned around to see Arthur coming toward him, smiling broadly.

“I thought I might have scared you off. Come on, let’s see if there’s any good seats left.”

Resigning himself to an unbearable night of embarrassment, Merlin stuffed his hands in his pockets and followed Arthur back into the screening room. Arthur selected two seats in the middle of one of the top rows. He offered Merlin his water bottle when they sat down, but Merlin shook his head.

“Have you seen these already? I guess I should have asked that this morning.”

Merlin shook his head, staring straight ahead at the large blank screen.

“They’re really good. There’s usually subtitles since so many students not in the class come to these screenings, but if there’s not I’ll try to translate for you. Unless you speak French?”

Merlin shook his head again.

“Do you know much about French New Wave films?”

Merlin continued shaking his head, wanting to melt into his seat.

“Well, these are pretty much the two most famous films from the movement, so you’ll know plenty after tonight. I hope you don’t mind they’re in black and white?”

Merlin shook his head, more quickly this time to show that, no, he really didn’t mind. He enjoyed old films, even silent ones, though he’d never been able to get his friends to watch any with him before.

Before Arthur could continue his one-sided conversation, the professor started giving an introduction to the films, speaking only in French, which meant Merlin couldn’t understand any of it. After a few minutes, the professor turned off the lights and sat down in the front row. The projector whirred loudly a few feet above Merlin’s head, and the screen came to life with the opening frames of the film.

“He’s starting with _Breathless_ ,” Arthur said, leaning over slightly to whisper in Merlin’s ear. “Let me know if you get thirsty.”

Arthur settled back into his seat, and Merlin took a few deep breaths and tried to relax. He was going to be stuck here for three or four hours, so he might as well make the most of it and enjoy the films.

It turned out not to be very hard. Arthur kept to himself during the film, and Merlin became totally engrossed despite having to read the subtitles. When it ended suddenly, with the main female character speaking directly into the camera and then turning away, Merlin found himself stunned. It really wasn’t like any other film he’d ever seen.

“10 minutes!” the professor called as most of the students quickly bolted from the room.

Merlin shifted in his seat, realizing that his legs were asleep.

“What’d you think?” Arthur asked excitedly.

Merlin tried to respond but no sound came out of his mouth, so he offered Arthur a smile instead. Arthur grinned and held out his water bottle. Merlin nodded his thanks and took a sip, wishing he could just say something—anything.

“I’m going to run to the bathroom. You good here?”

Merlin stood up alongside Arthur, who raised an eyebrow. “Coming with?”

Merlin nodded, trying not to blush at the obvious implication, and led the way out of the screening room and back to the lobby. He went for the water fountain first, allowing Arthur to go into the men’s room unaccompanied. After a minute or so, he went in and relieved himself in a stall, glad there weren’t any urinals to make it more awkward that it had to be.

He tried not to notice the way Arthur watched him from near the door as he washed his hands, but it was hard to ignore Arthur’s reflection in the large mirror above the sinks.

“All good?” Arthur asked when Merlin was drying his hands.

Merlin nodded and tossed the paper towels into the trash. He made for the door, but Arthur grabbed his wrist and pulled him in for a hesitant kiss.

“Is this okay?” Arthur asked quietly, pressing Merlin against the wall.

Merlin nodded quickly and Arthur licked his lips, smiling, before moving in for another, longer kiss.

Merlin let his hands move to Arthur’s back as they kissed, testing out the boundaries between them. It had been so long since his last real kiss, and he’d been drunk and with a girl then, so he really hadn’t expected this to be so good. The kiss that morning had been too brief for him to feel much of anything, but now he could feel _everything_. He could feel Arthur’s stubble against his own, Arthur’s damp hands in his hair, Arthur’s firm thigh pressed between his legs, Arthur’s tongue sliding into his mouth—

“ONE MINUTE!”

The professor’s voice carried from out in the lobby, and Arthur broke the kiss, only to dive back in a second later to tug on Merlin’s lower lip with his teeth. Merlin couldn’t hold back a shaky groan as heat surged through him and his cock jerked against Arthur’s thigh.

“Mmm,” Arthur hummed contentedly. He gave Merlin one last quick peck before stepping back. “I have to stay for the second film,” he said guiltily. “Are you interested?”

Merlin nodded, struggling to support his weight as he pushed himself away from the wall. His legs felt like pudding.

Arthur winked goofily before opening the door and gesturing for Merlin to go out first. Merlin clumsily made his way back to his seat, sitting before he realized that would force Arthur to climb over him to get back to his own seat.

“Sorry,” Merlin whispered as Arthur straddled his legs ungracefully.

“He speaks! Oh, speak again, bright angel!” Arthur recited as he plopped down.

Merlin burst out laughing before he could stop himself.

Arthur’s professor cleared his throat meaningfully before he started giving another introduction in French. Merlin clapped a hand over his mouth and turned sideways, laughing quietly into Arthur’s shoulder.

Arthur, also shaking with silent laughter, reached out to put a hand on Merlin’s knee. He gave it a tight squeeze and let his hand drift up slightly until it was resting a little less than casually on Merlin’s thigh.

Merlin got control over his giggles but stayed where he was until the lights turned off, enjoying the scent of Arthur’s neck and the feeling of being privately tucked away.

When the next movie started, Merlin made himself turn back to the screen. He wanted to pay attention, but he couldn’t keep his mind off the weight of Arthur’s warm hand on his thigh.

Slowly, pretending as if he were moving without realizing it, Merlin let his hand drift down until it was covering Arthur’s. Arthur immediately turned his hand over and laced his fingers with Merlin’s.

Merlin grinned and rubbed his thumb along Arthur’s as he tried to catch back up with the plot of the film.

Despite the fact that he was holding hands with Arthur and that he was half-hard in his jeans because Arthur kept stroking his fingers meaningfully, Merlin found it hard to tear his eyes off the screen. He’d never been one for foreign films—there were so many worthwhile films in English that he’d never felt the need to branch out—but he was definitely rethinking that assumption now.

Before Merlin was ready for it, the film ended with another surreal moment of the main character looking into the camera before the frame froze and zoomed in on his face.

As the lights came on, Arthur pulled his hand out of Merlin’s to clap even though he was the only one doing it.

The professor spoke for a few minutes as his students ignored him and started packing up their belongings. Merlin stayed in his seat when they were finally dismissed, preoccupied with his thoughts. He wanted to go out and watch more films like the ones he’d just seen, and fast.

“Do you have class tomorrow?” Arthur asked, standing and stretching.

Merlin shook his head.

Arthur smiled and shrugged on his backpack. “Do you want to get some ice cream from the café?”

Merlin nodded and followed Arthur out of the film building. They walked to the student center mostly in silence, with Arthur humming as he swung his water bottle around.

Merlin spent most of the walk trying to relax and to conjure up the same impetus that had allowed him to speak to Arthur that morning. He wanted to get to know Arthur, or at least answer Arthur’s simple questions, but he was too nervous and tense. He’d never been on a date before, and, now that the films were over, he had no idea what to expect or what to do or how to act.

“Vanilla or chocolate?” Arthur asked when they reached the center, holding the door open for Merlin.

Merlin bit his lip as he went inside, wondering if there was a way to just tactfully excuse himself from the whole situation.

“Vanilla?” Arthur guessed.

Merlin shook his head.

“Chocolate?”

Merlin shook his head again, not sure why he was even bothering with the charade; he would have been happy with either vanilla or chocolate.

“Hm. Let’s see…” Arthur led the way to the small café and stared up at the hand-written menu on the chalkboards hanging from the ceiling above the counter. “Don’t tell me you like mint chocolate chip.”

Merlin shook his head, smiling.

“Thank God—that shit is disgusting. How about cookie dough?”

Merlin nodded and then suppressed a laugh as Arthur did a dorky little victory jig.

“Okay, one scoop or two?”

Merlin held up two fingers and watched as Arthur went up to the counter to order their dessert. He pulled out his wallet, but Arthur rolled his eyes and dismissed the attempt to pay with a wave of his hands.

“Let me,” he said when Merlin didn’t immediately put the wallet away. “I want to.”

Merlin frowned and looked down at his money, wishing he contribute in some way. He glanced at the array of coffee carafes and back over at Arthur, his eyebrows raised.

“Sure,” Arthur said, smiling. “Get me a decaf, though.”

Merlin nodded and busied himself with the coffee while Arthur paid for the ice cream. He got in line to pay for their drinks and was disappointed to see the cashier wave him off.

“He already paid,” she explained, pointing at where Arthur had sat out by the windows near the freshman quad.

Merlin forced a smile and took the two cups of coffee over to Arthur’s table.

“Thanks!” Arthur traded a bowl full of cookie dough ice cream for one of the coffees and gestured for Merlin to sit down across from him.

Merlin obliged and took a bite of his ice cream to avoid making eye contact.

“Did you like the films?” Arthur asked after a minute.

Merlin nodded, forcing himself to meet Arthur’s gaze to show that he meant it.

Arthur grinned. “Good. I love them. Which one did you like better?”

Merlin was pretty sure he’d liked the second film better, so he held up two fingers.

Arthur’s smile faltered slightly, and Merlin took a large gulp of the steaming coffee to avoid having to look at him. He grimaced as he put the cup down and quickly took a bite of ice cream to soothe his burnt tongue.

“So,” Arthur asked quietly, and Merlin could feel his ears burning already, “is it… are you just, um, shy, or… or what?”

Merlin set down his ice cream and took a slow breath, reminding himself that he’d already spoken with Arthur and didn’t need to be so anxious about it, especially since he could hardly say anything worse than what he’d said that morning.

“It’s a disorder, I guess,” he whispered. Arthur frowned and changed seats to be next to Merlin instead of across from him, presumably to hear him better. “A disorder,” Merlin repeated. “Anxiety related. Um. Sometimes, I can’t talk. Sometimes, I can only whisper like this. Sometimes… sometimes, it’s okay and I’m a bit more… um, normal.”

“What makes it okay?” Arthur asked.

Merlin shrugged. “Sometimes… just knowing the person. It takes me a while to, um, relax around new people. I don’t…” He sighed and reached for his coffee to have something to do with his hands even though it was still too hot to take another sip. “I don’t like being judged— _feeling_ judged. I’ve gotten a little better over the years… I have friends I can talk to, and I can talk to most of my professors and that kind of thing. Sometimes, I even talk in class, but it always takes a lot of effort.”

Arthur nodded sympathetically, and Merlin let out a frustrated sigh. He _really_ wanted to try to make this work, but he just didn’t know how. This entire situation was too new.

“We don’t have to do this,” he said, managing to speak in a low voice. “You’re really nice, but you shouldn’t have to try so hard, so… um, thank you for the ice cream, but—”

“Hey,” Arthur cut him off, looking annoyed. “You don’t get to decide how I feel about the situation. I don’t feel like I’m trying that hard. I’m just curious about you and trying to figure out how to best go about this.”

Merlin glared down at his coffee. Arthur wasn’t making this easy.

“I don’t mind if you’re quiet. I happen to like the sound of my own voice, so it’s kind of a win-win for me.”

Merlin peered up at Arthur and found him smirking smugly.

“I like your smile,” Arthur said quietly. “And I liked hearing you laugh earlier. Maybe if I’m lucky, I’ll get to hear it again. But I don’t want to you feel any pressure to talk, okay? I can just ramble on about myself, and you can just sit there and nod and look pretty. Deal?”

Merlin licked his lips and braved another sip of coffee to give himself time to think over Arthur’s proposal.

“Come on,” Arthur said, leaning closer. “You can’t tease me with what you said this morning and then leave me hanging like this.”

Merlin blushed and bit down a smile.

“What do you say?” Arthur pressed on.

Merlin cleared his throat and nodded once.

“Perfect.” Arthur leaned back in his seat and continued eating his ice cream. “Let me tell you about myself, then. I grew up as the prince of England. One day, I met one of the common people, and we decided to switch clothes. I enlisted a sexy knight to protect me, and we escaped across the Atlantic Ocean, and I've been living here, still in disguise—ow!”

Merlin had kicked him.

Arthur laughed, his head tossed back and his Adam’s apple on full display. Merlin admired the view—and the pure, joyful sound of Arthur’s laugh—for a moment before kicking him again, harder.

“Okay, you caught me. I might have been exaggerating.”

Merlin kicked Arthur once more, a little more gently this time, before returning to his ice cream. Arthur spent a few minutes describing his actual life—rugby, linguistics, a sister who was studying at their rival school across the river—and then told Merlin every thought he seemed to have ever had about the films they’d watched earlier.

Eventually they both finished their ice creams and coffees.

“Well,” Arthur said slowly, tapping his fingers on the side of his empty coffee cup, “I have, um… I have some beer back at my dorm, if you’re interested.”

Merlin suppressed a shiver at the thought of going to Arthur’s room. He took a moment to think about it; part of him wanted to go back to his own room and hide and decompress and maybe forget about the whole day, but another part of him wanted to let this keep going for as long as possible.

He nodded, trying not to appear too eager, and couldn’t help but smile when Arthur beamed at him.

As Arthur led Merlin toward the north end of campus, Merlin tried to distract himself from being nervous by thinking about his pessimism the night before. He was sort of proud of himself for somehow managing to prove himself completely wrong. Arthur had held his hand and kissed him that morning—in front of other students—and Merlin hadn’t burned the whole building down in a panic. It was a minor victory.

“Can I try to guess why you liked _Les Quatre Cents Coups_ best?” Arthur asked after a few minutes of silence.

Merlin nodded.

“The puppet show scene,” Arthur said immediately.

Merlin grinned and nodded again.

“Yeah? That’s my favorite part, too. You know, when they filmed it, they went to an actual puppet show and hid the cameras so they’d be able to get the kids’ real reactions. It’s fucking fantastic, isn’t it? They’re so emotive. I think I’ve watched that scene like thirty times. There’s that boy who is literally _shaking_ with excitement, and that one kid with the ears, and all the little ones that are screaming… and those fucking kids at the end! That one boy who just looks at his friend with that incredible smile before leaning his head on the other boy’s shoulder, and—fuck me, it’s so damn sweet.”

Merlin chuckled at Arthur’s enthusiasm and nodded in agreement.

“It’s such a lovely scene,” Arthur concluded. After a moment he added, “You know what else is lovely?”

Merlin rolled his eyes at the cheesy line but let Arthur stop him in the middle of the sidewalk for a long, warm kiss. He wrapped his arms around Arthur’s neck and leaned into it, loving the feeling of Arthur pressed against him.

Someone on a bike cat-called as they rode by, and Merlin stepped back quickly, staring down at his shoes.

“Hey,” Arthur said, reaching for Merlin’s hand.

Merlin looked up slowly and felt some of the tension drain out of him at the soft expression on Arthur’s face. He managed a smile and Arthur tugged him forward. Merlin wondered at the sensation of holding hands—warm and comforting, yet still a little awkward and unnatural—and decided to let it happen. Arthur didn’t letting go until they reached the dorm and he had to dig for his key in his backpack.

Arthur’s dorm was an old manor that the college had bought and renovated into single rooms for upperclassmen. Merlin had never been inside before, but the exterior was imposing.

After a minute of fumbling, Arthur found his keys and unlocked the heavy front door. There was a small room directly inside, filled mostly with muddy shoes and open, wet umbrellas. Arthur opened the next door, and Merlin followed him through into the common room.

It was much larger than the common room in Merlin’s dorm, which was almost too small to be used for anything other than mandatory dorm meetings or small study groups. Arthur’s common room had four couches, a large-screen TV, a pool table, a full kitchen with two refrigerators and two sizable kitchen tables surrounded by chairs with varying degrees of lopsided legs.

Arthur went to the sink to dump out his water bottle, leaving Merlin lingering by the door. There were two students sitting on one of the couches and watching a hockey game, but thankfully they weren’t paying any attention to either Arthur or Merlin.

“Do you like PBR?” Arthur asked, opening one of the fridges and crouching down to inspect the contents of the lower shelves.

Merlin shook his head even though Arthur wasn’t looking. He was starting to re-think the idea of getting drunk in Arthur’s dorm. Unlike with weed, Merlin knew what would probably happen if he started drinking—he would be resolutely mute for the first few beers, but after that, he wouldn’t be able to shut up. He wanted to relax and be able to have a normal conversation with Arthur, but he didn’t want to make an even bigger fool of himself than he already had.

Arthur stood up with two beers and looked over at where Merlin was still standing by the door. He held up the cans, his eyebrows raised.

Merlin took a few steps toward Arthur but froze in his tracks when one of the guys on the couch suddenly shouted, “Pendragon! I’ll take one.”

Arthur rolled his eyes but still went to over to the couch with his beers. Merlin realized that both of the guys on the couch had been sitting with Arthur in the back room the day Merlin had seen him for the first time.

"Merlin, this is Gwaine and Lance," Arthur said, pointing them out. He handed one beer to Gwaine and offered the second one to Lance. "You want this one?"

"What about you?" Lance asked Arthur while giving Merlin a wave.

Merlin managed a smile in response. Gwaine and Lance were gorgeous—tan, dark-haired, and with the perfect amount of stubble and unfairly attractive grins.

"I've got more," Arthur said, shoving the beer into Lance's hand.

“Thanks!” Lance and Gwaine opened their beers and knocked them together before drinking.

Arthur ruffled Gwaine’s long hair before turning to Merlin. “Want one?” he asked, already walking back to the fridge.

Merlin shook his head, biting his lip.

“No? You sure?”

Merlin nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets as he realized that Gwaine and Lance were looking at him.

“All right. Do you want to come up?”

Merlin swallowed nervously and nodded his head. He could see Gwaine and Lance still grinning out of the corner of his eye, but he turned away from them, following Arthur out of the common room and into a long hallway that smelled heavily of pot.

“I’m on the second floor,” Arthur said unnecessarily, already leading the way up the stairs.

Merlin followed, curling his hands into fists in his pockets and digging his fingernails into his palms. He had no idea what he was doing. This situation was entirely out of character for him.

“Do you, um…” Arthur asked quietly when they reached the landing. “Is this okay?”

Merlin nodded even though he wasn’t entirely sure.

Arthur looked unconvinced but led the way to his room, which was to the right of the stairs in a strangely small hallway with only two doors, one of which looked like it led to a utility closet.

When Merlin stepped into Arthur’s room, he would have been struck speechless if he hadn’t already been silent. It was larger than any dorm room Merlin had been in and had a private bathroom as well as built-in bookshelves next to a wide, open-faced closet.

“My room lottery number was 2,” Arthur explained as he closed the door and dropped his bag on the floor behind it. “Not sure why the first girl didn’t choose this room, to be honest. I can climb out the window and have my own private balcony.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow at that claim.

“I’m not _supposed_ to,” Arthur admitted. “The window was actually painted shut when I moved in but I… fixed it. And I haven’t been caught yet, or, if I was, the security guard didn’t bother to do anything, so I don’t plan to stop doing it.”

Arthur sat down on the edge of his bed and looked up at Merlin.

Merlin knew Arthur probably wanted him to sit down, too, but, instead, he walked across the room to look at Arthur’s books. Most of them seemed to be foreign language textbooks or dictionaries, but he also had a fair number of novels in other languages.

“Do you like Shakespeare?” Merlin asked quietly, pulling out what he was pretty sure was _The Three Musketeers_ in the original French.

“Not overly. Why?” Arthur asked, laughing.

“You quoted him earlier,” Merlin said, putting the book back and pulling out the next one, which he couldn’t identify, but the title was in Spanish.

“Oh, yeah.” Arthur stood up, and Merlin quickly put the book back and scanned the rest of the shelves, looking for anything that could be used as a distraction. “I like film adaptations of Shakespeare, mostly,” Arthur continued as he leaned against the frame of the closet. Merlin grabbed a random book and opened it without looking at the cover. It turned out to be a Portuguese-English dictionary. “Especially ones with Leonardo DiCaprio.”

Merlin glanced up to see Arthur grinning at him.

“I…” he said, his mind blank as Arthur pulled the dictionary out of his hands.

“I’ve got better beer in my mini-fridge, if you want. I keep the PBR downstairs because I don’t care if anyone takes it, but I keep the good stuff for myself. I think I have some whiskey, too, if that’s more your style.”

Merlin gave Arthur a closed-mouth smile and shook his head. He needed to figure out how to get out of this without ruining his chance to have it happen again. He liked Arthur, and he was interested in more of the kissing, but he was too tense. He just wanted to go back to his own room and sleep off the whole day.

Arthur set the dictionary back on the shelf and reached out to link one of Merlin’s pinkies with his own.

“Would you rather go somewhere else?” he asked, his voice low. “You don’t really seem comfortable here. We don’t have to do anything. I just thought—”

“I’m sorry,” Merlin whispered, pulling his hand away. “I’m—I’ve never, um… what I said this morning—that wasn’t… I didn’t mean _tonight_.”

“I was not expecting anything tonight,” Arthur said seriously. “I just figured we’d make out a bit, but we don’t have to do that if it’s too soon. I apologize if kissing you earlier wasn’t okay.”

“It was okay,” Merlin made himself say even though he could feel himself shutting down again. “I—I liked it.”

They stood in silence for a minute, Merlin looking down at his shoes.

“Have you been to the gazebo out back?” Arthur asked suddenly. “It’s usually empty on weeknights. We could try that?”

Merlin breathed in slowly through his nose before looking up. Arthur looked nervous and unsure, and Merlin felt a pang of guilt at how difficult he was making this.

“No pressure,” Arthur added. “You can leave if you want. I won’t be offended.”

Merlin shook his head.

“No as in… no, you don’t want to leave?”

Merlin nodded.

“Gazebo, then?” Arthur asked cautiously.

Merlin nodded again. Arthur grinned and led the way back downstairs. He took Merlin through the common room again, nodding at his friends who were still sitting on the couch.

“We took more of your beer,” one of them called out as they walked by.

Arthur waved his middle finger in their direction as he opened the back door and ushered Merlin outside.

The ground was still slightly damp from the morning’s rain, and it squished under Merlin’s feet.

The gazebo was far enough from the dorm to be mostly out of range of the bright lights outside of each entrance. It was small, probably only big enough for five or six people, and, as Arthur had anticipated, empty.

Merlin stepped up first and walked to the far side, getting to his knees on the bench and leaning over the edge. The gazebo looked over the same field as his room; he could see his dorm far off on the other side, lit up by a few windows.

Arthur climbed up on the bench next to him and surveyed the field.

“Sometimes frogs come up from the river and you can hear them croaking and hopping along in the taller grass,” Arthur said quietly.

Merlin nodded. He had heard them before, too.

“Can I try to guess what you’re studying?” Arthur asked.

Merlin shook his head, not wanting Arthur to have to continue their one-sided conversation. “English,” he managed after a long pause. “And creative writing.”

“Yeah? That’s cool. I wish I could do that kind of thing, but I’ve failed miserably every time I’ve tried. I’ve got academic writing down to a science at this point, but that’s it. When I have to translate fiction, I end up agonizing over every turn of phrase because I’m so damn ineloquent, even in my own language.”

Merlin smiled at the thought of Arthur pouring over his foreign language dictionaries, searching for the right words that would stay true to the original text.

“I don’t even know what I’m going to do with all this once I graduate,” Arthur said quietly. “I’m applying to grad schools, but… I’m kind of thinking of maybe going abroad somewhere and teaching English for a while first.”

Merlin nodded, impressed. He’d never been out of the country. He’d barely ever studied a foreign language. In high school, he’d opted to study Latin because he’d be less likely to be asked to speak the dead language out loud in class. He’d taken one semester of intermediate Latin his freshman year to fulfill the college’s foreign language study requirement, but he’d never done anything past that.

“Not sure where I’d go, though,” Arthur continued. “I went to Italy last fall and Romania in the spring… I’ve been thinking about Latin America or something.”

Merlin turned slightly to get a better look at Arthur as he was speaking.

Arthur frowned at the new scrutiny. “Sorry, I’m being boring. Um…”

Merlin shook his head quickly. “No,” he whispered. “You’re not. How many languages do you speak?”

“A few,” Arthur said, shrugging dismissively. “I mean, I guess I know a lot about a bunch of different languages and how they work and why they work and whatever, but I don’t speak that many fluently or anything. Like, um… maybe only just one or two that I’m actually, you know, really comfortable with.”

“The lady doth protest too much, methinks,” Merlin teased.

Arthur laughed. “I take it _you_ like Shakespeare, then?”

Merlin nodded and turned around to sit properly on the bench. Arthur shifted down as well, sitting close so their shoulders were touching.

“Thanks for indulging me tonight,” Arthur said, knocking his knee into Merlin’s. “I hope it hasn’t been too bad for you.”

Merlin shook his head. “Not too bad—I’ve enjoyed most of it.”

“Most of it,” Arthur repeated, chuckling. “I guess that’s fair. Would you, um… if—if you’re free sometime tomorrow, we could try to see if we can get your enjoyment percentage up a bit.”

Merlin laughed, pursing his lips so he wouldn’t be too loud.

“Or, I think Elyan already invited you, but we’ve got a rugby game on Saturday afternoon. You could come to that, and, afterwards, we could—well, first I would shower, but, after that, we could try to find something to do.”

“That sounds nice,” Merlin whispered. “Thank you for being patient.”

“It’s not that hard,” Arthur said, brushing his fingers along the side of Merlin’s thigh. “I kind of like taking it slow. The build-up is more exciting, you know?”

Merlin didn’t know—he’d never done this before, fast or slow—but he nodded anyway. He watched Arthur’s fingers for a while as they sat in silence, feeling the strange patterns Arthur was drawing through his jeans. The contact felt nice, and he found himself starting to wish that Arthur would go ahead and kiss him again.

Merlin looked up to see Arthur staring at him. Arthur’s gaze dropped to Merlin’s lips, and Merlin waited for a moment, but Arthur didn’t make any moves.

Licking his lips, Merlin realized that Arthur wasn’t going to make another move. He’d made plenty, and not all of them had gone successfully, so now he was stepping back and letting Merlin set the pace.

Merlin’s heart fluttered in his chest as he considered the idea of leaning forward and initiating a kiss with Arthur. He could feel his palms getting clammy at the thought, but he didn’t feel nervous. He felt excited—impatient, even.

He moved quickly, not wanting time to second-guess himself. He leaned forward, closed his eyes, and pressed his lips to Arthur’s.

Arthur pressed back and Merlin pressed more, and then they were really kissing again, like they had in the men’s room during their break at the film screening. Arthur’s hand found its way to the side of Merlin’s neck, and Merlin let his own hand wander to Arthur’s side as he adjusted himself on the bench so they could get closer.

“Is this okay?” Arthur asked breathlessly as he pulled back.

Merlin nodded emphatically. Arthur grinned and leaned his forehead against Merlin’s, sliding his hand to the back of Merlin’s neck and brushing his fingers against the hairs there. Merlin shivered and huffed at the touch; he’d never really been _turned on_ in front of another person before, but he could feel it starting to happen. His cock was twitching and he was feeling warm all over and he really, really wanted to get closer to Arthur.

“You’re so fucking cute,” Arthur muttered before kissing Merlin again, hot and wet and a bit desperate.

Merlin couldn’t stop himself from moaning into the kiss as Arthur got a bit more assertive with his tongue and his teeth and his hands. Merlin felt like he was starting to fall apart under Arthur’s mouth, and it was as terrifying as it was thrilling. He didn’t know what to do with his own hands or his own tongue or all the noises spilling out of him, but, somehow, and for the first time, he didn’t care. He didn’t care that he was awkwardly clutching at Arthur’s shirt and letting out broken sounds each time Arthur paused their kiss to nip at his lips. He didn’t care because it felt so _good_ , and all he could really think about was getting more.

It was difficult, positioned as they were on the bench, but Merlin couldn’t stop trying to pull Arthur closer. He loved how warm Arthur was, how sure he moved, how good he felt.

Merlin didn’t know how long they kissed for, but, eventually, Arthur’s lips slipped lower. Merlin bit back a cry as Arthur licked and nipped at his neck, his fingers digging into Arthur’s shoulders.

“F-ffuuck,” he stuttered when Arthur started sucking on the skin below his ear. He’d never felt anything like this before, and it was all too, too much. His cock was throbbing in his jeans—begging for attention—and, even though there wasn’t any friction, Merlin felt like he was dangerously close to coming.

He gasped when Arthur’s mouth moved to his ear for a strange but intoxicating lick. The pleasure from the new sensation shot straight down his spine, and Merlin whimpered as his boxer briefs grew damp where his cock was leaking precome.

“Arthur,” he said, not having a plan but needing to stop this before it was too late. “Arthur.”

Arthur pulled back and looked at Merlin with a distinctly unfocused gaze.

Merlin smiled and couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward for another quick kiss.

“I have to go,” he whispered against Arthur’s lips.

“What? Why? You don’t have to.”

Merlin chuckled and leaned back to give Arthur some room to process his words.

“I need to go.”

Arthur ran a hand over his mouth. “Yeah,” he said, sounding a bit dazed. “Yeah. Um… was that okay?”

“That was phenomenal,” Merlin said quickly. “Like… _really_.”

Arthur smiled proudly and reached out to run his hands through Merlin’s hair.

“Yeah, you definitely look like you just got the fuck kissed right out of you.”

Merlin laughed as Arthur continued fussing with his hair, enjoying the strange, new intimacy.

“You don’t look much better,” Merlin admitted when Arthur finally dropped his hands.

“You, um… there might be a mark on your neck,” Arthur said guiltily.

“What?”

Arthur gestured vaguely at Merlin’s neck. “I got a bit carried away.”

Merlin touched the spot under his ear gently as he realized what Arthur was trying to say. It felt wet and warm and a little tender. He cleared his throat, and his cock twitched as he remembered how ridiculously good it had felt to have Arthur sucking at his neck.

“Thanks,” he said, not sure what else to say.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s… it’s fine? I guess it’s fine. I’ve never had a hickey before.”

Arthur looked down at his lap, frowning. “When—earlier, when you—upstairs, you started to say, ‘I’ve never,’ um, I think in reference to… to what you’d said this morning…”

Merlin blushed at Arthur’s implied question. “I…”

“It doesn’t matter,” Arthur said quickly, looking up with a small smile. “I was just… checking.”

Merlin swallowed nervously. Maybe Arthur wouldn’t want to do anything more with him. Maybe he only slept with people who knew what they were doing.

On the other hand, Merlin was pretty sure that Arthur had guessed this about him already, that it was obvious.

Maybe Arthur didn’t mind. Maybe he would just be as enthusiastic about everything else as he had been about kissing. And, really, the kissing had been pretty much the best thing Merlin had ever experienced.

His cock jerked in his jeans as he thought about it, and he remembered that he had been trying to leave.

“I shouldn’t have asked,” Arthur said. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business. And it doesn’t matter anyway, so…”

“It’s fine. I hope it… becomes your business.”

Arthur started laughing before Merlin could feel too embarrassed at what he’d said.

“I hope it becomes my business, too,” Arthur said when he’d quieted down. “I really do.”

Merlin grinned and let himself move in for a brief kiss.

“I still have to go,” he said quietly. “Thank you for everything.”

Arthur slipped his fingers into Merlin’s hair and pulled him in for another kiss. Merlin groaned as Arthur licked into his mouth, and he had to force himself to push Arthur back before they got carried away again.

Undeterred, Arthur leaned in again to kiss a trail to Merlin’s ear. “I’m going to think about you when I go up to my room and jerk off.”

Merlin flushed and started to laugh but then he pictured Arthur naked and touching himself and had to groan again instead as his skin prickled with heat.

“Me, too,” he whispered as his cock throbbed insistently.

Arthur kissed him again, sweetly but firmly, before pulling away and standing up. Merlin followed and couldn’t help but let his eyes linger on the obvious bulge in Arthur’s jeans.

“Can I get your number?” Arthur asked, pulling out his cell phone as they stepped down from the gazebo.

“Oh. Yeah.” Merlin recited his number, giving Arthur his last name as well, for good measure.

“I’ll text you,” Arthur said, slipping his phone back in his pocket. “Have a good night.”

A small group of students walked past them on their way out to the gazebo, and Merlin took a few steps away from Arthur despite how much he wanted a goodbye kiss.

“Goodnight,” he said, giving Arthur a wave as he started to head back to his dorm.

Halfway there, Merlin’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He took it out to see a text from an unknown number.

**Your ass looks sexy when you’re walking away**

Merlin grinned and quickly added Arthur as a contact. He hurried the rest of the way back to his room and stripped down as soon as he was safely inside.

“Holy shit,” he said to himself as he lay down and finally got a hand around his aching cock. “Oh, fuck.”

He stroked himself quickly, imagining Arthur doing the same, and came in no time at all.

He stayed sprawled across his bed for a few minutes, catching his breath and replaying the night’s events in his head. He’d gone to Arthur’s film screening—he’d nearly forgotten how much he’d loved what they watched—and eaten ice cream with Arthur in the student center and met some of Arthur’s friends and seen Arthur’s room and kissed Arthur.

They had kissed a lot and, Merlin realized, completely in public. First in the dining hall that morning, then in the bathroom, then on the sidewalk, and then in the gazebo. The gazebo had felt so secluded that he hadn’t even considered how easily they could have been spotted or interrupted. The thought made him cringe, but he tried not to dwell on it. It didn’t matter what could have happened; all that mattered was what did happen.

Merlin cleaned himself up with a few tissues and picked up his phone to respond to Arthur.

_There’s more where that came from ;)_

Grinning, Merlin turned out his lights, pulled the covers over himself, and went to sleep.

 

~~0~~

 

Merlin woke up hard the next morning, and he let his mind play out a very elaborate fantasy about Arthur as he got himself off in the shower.

When he was clean and dry and back in his room, Merlin sat down at his desk to work on his writing. He pulled up the romantic story he’d been having trouble with and, starting from the beginning, went through and revised every interaction between the two main characters. He re-wrote entire scenes to better emphasize the lust and the love and that strange giddiness he could now draw on from his own experience for the first time.

After a long while of working, Merlin’s phone buzzed with a text message. He checked it and was shocked to see that it was already past noon. He hadn’t even had breakfast.

**Arthur  
Have you ever gone on the hiking trails by the bays?**

The thought of spending several hours with Arthur—isolated and with no escape route—was distressing, but Merlin didn’t want to waste the opportunity. He didn’t know how many Arthur would give him. So, pushing his anxiety aside, Merlin sent a reply.

_Just once, freshman year. Is that your plan for the day?_

To distract himself while waiting for Arthur’s next text, Merlin got dressed and went down to the small vegan café next to his dorm. He ordered some soup and ate it in the back corner of the seating area, checking the news on his phone.

When there was still no response from Arthur after he’d finished eating, Merlin got himself a small cup of coffee and took it back up to his room. He dug through his closet as it cooled down, hoping he hadn’t left his hiking boots at home.

He found them at the bottom of a box of shoes he hadn’t bothered unpacking when he’d moved into the dorm. They were caked with dirt and mud from the camping trip he’d taken with his dad the summer before, but they didn’t smell too bad.

Merlin opened his window and set the boots on the sill to air out a bit. He checked his phone and was relieved to see a text from Arthur had come in while he’d been searching for his boots.

**What dorm are you in? Can I stop by?**

Surprisingly, the thought of a visit from Arthur didn’t make Merlin want to hide, so he replied with his building name and drank his coffee while he waited.

 **Here** , Arthur texted after about fifteen minutes.

Merlin rushed downstairs to let him in. Arthur greeted him with an adorably shy smile and a shoulder nudge.

“How’s your morning been?” Arthur asked as Merlin led him up to the second floor.

“Good,” Merlin said, surprised at how normal his voice sounded. “I did some homework. You?”

Arthur waited until they were inside Merlin’s room with the door closed before answered.

“Lonely,” he said, shrugging off his backpack and dropping it on the floor. “Is it—can I kiss you?”

Merlin could feel himself starting to blush, so he moved in for the kiss before Arthur could see him get too red. Arthur pushed him against the wall quickly, gripping his hips as their tongues got reacquainted.

“Did you miss me?” Arthur asked smugly against Merlin’s lips when Merlin snuck his hands under Arthur’s shirt to get at that warm skin.

“No,” Merlin breathed, digging his fingers into Arthur’s sides as Arthur’s tongue did something naughty to his ear. He was trembling and dizzy and already achingly hard—and all they’d done was a bit of kissing.

Arthur tugged on Merlin’s earlobe with his teeth, and Merlin let out an embarrassing whimper as everything got too hot; the skin on his neck broke out in goosebumps, and his cock throbbed in his jeans.

“Liar,” Arthur whispered before moving in for another kiss, reaching to squeeze Merlin’s backside.

Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur’s neck and let it happen. He wanted it all. He wanted everything. He wanted to never, _ever_ stop.

Arthur pressed his chest hard against Merlin’s and used his hands to guide Merlin’s legs up off the floor and around his waist. Merlin gripped Arthur’s shoulders tightly, trying to keep the kiss going, trying not to fall, trying not to ruin the incredibly sexy moment.

But, then, one of Arthur’s hands slipped and Merlin flung his arm out, trying to keep his balance using the wall; it was no use. He fell slowly and awkwardly, just sliding down the space between Arthur’s body and the wall until he landed on the floor in a heap of ungraceful limbs.

Arthur looked down at him, dumbstruck, and, before Merlin could really process what had happened enough to get embarrassed by it, Arthur burst out laughing. He laughed so hard that he sank down on his knees, useless as Merlin untangled himself and sat up.

“Jesus,” Arthur panted, wiping the tears out of his eyes. “I’m so sorry. I’ve never tried that before.”

Merlin shook his head, chuckling. “Well, thank you for choosing me to share that experience with you.”

Arthur snorted and then doubled back over in another fit of laughter. Merlin just watched, amused, as Arthur fought to get himself under control.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said, sobered. “Did you get hurt?”

“No.”

“Well, at least there’s that.” Arthur’s smile wavered for a moment, threatening to give way to giggles again, but he licked his lips and stood instead. He held out his hands and helped Merlin up, then wrapped his arms around Merlin in a tight hug. “Sorry,” he said again.

“It’s okay,” Merlin insisted. “Really. It was only my pride that got wounded.”

Arthur gave Merlin a quick peck before stepping back. “Is it too wounded to go for a hike?”

Merlin bit down a smile and shook his head. “No. Do you want to go now?”

“Yeah, if you’re free.”

Merlin nodded and Arthur grinned, leaning in for a soft kiss.

“Good. Can I use your bathroom before we go?”

“It’s down the hall.”

Arthur stepped back outside, and Merlin closed the door and quickly changed into a warmer, long-sleeve shirt. He grabbed his boots off the windowsill and had just finished tying them when Arthur came back.

“The kids in this dorm have some _very_ loud afternoon sex.”

Merlin nodded and stood up to put on his jacket. He could feel Arthur watching him as he collected his things—phone, wallet, keys, water bottle—and did his best to ignore it. He wasn’t used to being looked at, but at least he didn’t feel like Arthur was judging him.

When Merlin was ready, Arthur led the way downstairs.

“Do you want some food for the road?” Merlin asked, stopping in the dorm kitchen to fill up his water bottle. “Apples or something from the vegan café?”

“I’ve got some in my bag,” Arthur said vaguely. “You can put your water bottle in, too.”

Merlin followed Arthur outside and along the sidewalk, weighing the bottle in his hands. “It’s kind of heavy. I can carry it.”

“Just stick it in the side pocket, it’s fine. Mine’s on the other side, so it’ll even out the weight, anyway.” Merlin hesitated, so Arthur took the bottle of out his hands and shoved it into the pocket. “It’s fine,” he promised.

Merlin rolled his eyes but let Arthur hold his hand as they made their way around the dorm and across the large field. When they reached the woods on the far end, Arthur let go to pull up a map of the hiking trails on his phone.

“What do you think?” he asked, showing Merlin the options. “Maybe the three-mile trail?”

Merlin agreed without really looking at the map, and then he and Arthur set off. They walked in silence for a while and Merlin took a few deep breaths, enjoying the crisp fall air and the sound of the crunching leaves under his boots.

“Do you like scary stories?” Arthur asked suddenly.

“Like what?” Merlin asked, kicking a rock off the path. “Ghost stories?”

“Yeah. Ghost stories, monster stories… any of that stuff.”

“I don’t think I’ve read any horror books or anything… sometimes, I like scary movies. Why?”

“It’s one of my favorite parts of traveling to different countries. I try to get people to tell me the local legends or even just their own stories or things they’ve heard that have happened to their friends. I’ve got some really good ones.”

“Feel like sharing?”

“You sure you can handle them?”

Merlin picked a stick up off the ground and poked Arthur’s arm with it. “You think you can scare me speechless?”

Arthur chuckled and stopped walking to give Merlin a brief kiss.

“I stayed at this one hotel in Romania when I went on a weekend trip when I was there for the semester,” Arthur started. “I got there in the evening, and I had a lot of plans for the next day, so I dumped my stuff in the room and went down to the restaurant in the hotel to get a quick dinner before I went to bed.

“After dinner, I took the elevator back up to my room on the seventh floor. I was the only one in the elevator, and it stopped on the fourth floor on my way up. There were two people in the hallway when the doors opened, and neither of them looked directly at me, but they were definitely looking around in the elevator. They didn’t get on, and they looked pretty annoyed. As the doors were closing, I heard them say—in English because I guess they were tourists—something like, ‘That’s the third full elevator, this is getting ridiculous.’”

Merlin stopped walking as his body shuddered in reaction to Arthur’s story. Arthur stopped too, nodding grimly.

“I got off on the fifth floor and decided to walk up to my room, but the staircase wasn’t lit at all, so I basically just booked it up two flights of stairs in the dark, singing ‘Hakuna Matata’ from the fucking _Lion King_ at full volume, because that was the only thing I could think to do to ward off whatever demon ghosts were wandering around.”

There was a long pause during which Arthur looked uncomfortable at the memory and Merlin tried to come to grips with the fact that Arthur had lived out a real-life ghost story.

“Why ‘Hakuna Matata?’” he finally asked.

“That’s just the song that plays on a loop in my subconscious, apparently.”

Merlin chuckled nervously. “I probably would have shit myself.”

Arthur grinned and held up his hand for a high-five. Merlin frowned, confused.

“You fell for it!” Arthur gloated, walking backwards a few steps as he waited for Merlin to give him a high-five. “I am such a good story-teller.”

Merlin poked Arthur’s palm with the stick he was still holding. “You mean you’re a liar.”

“Not a liar. That’s a real story, it just didn’t happen to me. It happened to my, uh… well, this—this friend I had when I was studying abroad. He was one of the Romanian students at the university where I took all my classes. We went to this creepy hotel near Bran Castle, the one from the original Dracula legends, and he said it happened to him on his way up from the bar one night.”

“And he sang ‘Hakuna Matata’ to keep the ghosts away?”

Arthur laughed. “No, some song from some famous Romanian kids movie I’d never heard of. I figured it would be a more effective story if I changed that detail and said it happened to me instead of telling you about my—about, um, this random guy and the random non-specific song he sang.”

“I thought you said you weren’t good at creative writing.”

“I have my moments. Anyway, it _is_ a real story. I had never seen someone actually lose all color in their face before. He was as white as whatever ghost was chasing him. He barely slept that night.”

“Maybe they were just mean hotel guests playing a prank,” Merlin suggested.

“Probably,” Arthur admitted. “I tried to tell him that, but we still had to sleep with the lights on. As if that would do any good against ghosts that are just fine riding brightly-lit elevators. He was… dumb.”

Merlin laughed. “Are you sure?” he teased, poking Arthur with the stick again. “You seem unwilling to get very specific about him. Are you sure he wasn’t your boyfriend?”

Arthur shrugged and pulled the stick out of Merlin’s hand to drag it along tree trunks as they walked. “He was like a… friend with benefits, I guess.”

Arthur sounded slightly guilty talking about it, but Merlin didn’t mind.

“Have you dated a lot of people?” he asked.

“Depends what you mean by ‘a lot,’ I guess, but… I wouldn’t classify it that way, myself. A fair few, but… not ‘a lot.’ Not seriously, anyway. Gheorghe definitely wasn’t serious.”

“As a person or as a romantic interest?”

“Both. Neither. It was just fun and sex, really. And ghosts that one time.”

“Do you still keep in touch?”

Arthur shrugged again and tossed the stick into the woods. “Not really. We did for a month or two after I left, but I haven’t heard from him in a while. We’re friends on Facebook, so I see his updates sometimes, but that’s pretty much it.”

Merlin reached out for Arthur’s hand and Arthur laced their fingers together. They continued along, occasionally letting go of each other’s hands as they hiked up or down a narrow part of the trail, but always linking back up afterwards.

“Have you had sex with a lot of people?” Merlin asked after a while.

Arthur laughed. “That’s… can I ask why you want to know?”

“I’m curious. I’m interested. I’ve never… it’s just hard for me to imagine what that’s like.”

“Are you looking for a specific number or something?”

“If that’s what you want to share.”

There was another long silence, and Merlin wondered if maybe Arthur didn’t want to share anything about his sexual history at all.

“Six,” Arthur said just before Merlin was about to apologize. “For, you know… like, full-on anal sex. Six.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows. He wasn’t sure if that was lower or higher than he had been expecting, but it was strange to think about either way.

“And another ten for just oral. So, sixteen. And two more for handjobs. And another guy that I kind of accidentally made come in his jeans, but that was all we ever did.”

“How do you ‘kind of accidentally’ make someone come in their jeans?”

“Well, I was… I was curious if I could—and then I did, but I wasn’t really expecting it. He wasn’t, either, I don’t think. We were pretty young. He was my ‘first,’ I guess, if you could really call that a first anything.”

“So… nineteen,” Merlin said, adding up everything Arthur had mentioned.

“Yeah,” Arthur said quietly. “Sounds like a lot when you say it out loud. I guess it’s a lot. It’s… well, I mean, yeah. Yeah, it’s a lot.”

Merlin squeezed Arthur’s hand. “I’m not judging you.”

Arthur shrugged, his face red. “Thanks, I guess. I don’t think I feel any specific type of way about it. I’ve just never counted it all up before. I guess it’s not _so_ many. Could be a higher number for sure…”

“How are you feeling about lucky number twenty?”

Arthur grinned and pulled Merlin in for a long kiss.

“I’m feeling pretty good about him. How is he feeling?”

“Hungry.”

Arthur chuckled and kissed Merlin again before letting him go. “I think it’ll probably take us another fifteen minutes to reach the end of the trail before it turns and takes us back. We can picnic at the end if you can wait that long.”

“I suppose I’ll manage.” Merlin pulled his water bottle out of Arthur’s backpack and took a few sips as they continued hiking.

Arthur spent most of that time telling other ghost stories he’d heard in Romania and Italy. None were as creepy as the first, but Merlin enjoyed them, anyway.

The trail wound its way along the edge of one of the tiny bays off the river and then finally opened onto a small dock that jutted out over the water.

“Have you done this trail before?” Merlin asked, following Arthur out to the end of the dock.

“A couple of times, yeah.” Arthur sat down on the wooden planks and started unpacking his bag.

Merlin sat down slowly, watching in awe as Arthur set up a picnic for them. There were sandwiches, several handfuls of fruit, and two plastic containers that looked full of pasta dishes.

“Did you make all this?” Merlin asked quietly.

“I put a _lot_ of time and effort into these peanut butter and jelly sandwiches,” Arthur said, grinning proudly. “The rest I just grabbed from the dining hall as sneakily as I could.”

“Well… thank you. This is kind of amazing.”

Arthur beamed and leaned forward to kiss Merlin over the spread. “Would you like grape jelly or strawberry jelly?” he asked as he sat back, holding out the two sandwiches. “Both have crunchy peanut butter and twelve grain bread.”

Merlin reached for the strawberry one, and Arthur finished pulling out paper plates and plastic silverware from his bag.

“So, I’ve been wondering something,” Arthur said after he’d taken a few bites of pasta salad. “You don’t really seem like the kind of guy who would just wander up to a stranger and blurt out that you want to have sex with them.”

Merlin blushed and took his time chewing a bite of apple.

“I saw you a couple of times in the back room at the dining hall,” he explained, keep his eyes on the apple in his hand. “I thought you were, um… I thought you were hot and I had been thinking about you a lot. I smoked a lot the night before, like _a lot_ , and I was still high when I went to breakfast, so…”

Merlin glanced up to see Arthur laughing around another mouthful of pasta salad.

“Thank God for your drug habit, then,” Arthur said when he’d managed to swallow.

“It’s not a habit, it’s just an… occasional evening activity.”

“There was no judgment in that statement,” Arthur assured him. “I am genuinely glad you were blazed enough to come talk to me. I was trying to use Elyan and Gwen to get to you, but I feel like that wouldn’t have worked out. Or, at least, it would have taken a much longer time.”

“Yeah, I saw Gwen later that day and she mentioned that Elyan had talked to her. What did… what were you trying… how did you even notice me?”

“You’re hard not to notice, Merlin,” Arthur said softly.

For a moment, Merlin was worried that Arthur was making a joke about the way his ears stuck out, but, suddenly, Arthur was in front of him, on top of him, pushing him down on the dock, and kissing him heartily.

Merlin was hooking one leg over Arthur’s back, pulling him closer, but then Arthur sat up with a hand clamped over his mouth. He belched loudly, the sound barely muffled by his palm.

Arthur lowered his hand slowly and gave Merlin a furtive look.

Merlin cracked up and pushed Arthur away so he had room to sit.

“We’re really, _really_ good at this romance thing,” he declared, tossing his half-eaten apple at Arthur. “Like, we should win an award.”

“For the most awkward attempts at seduction?”

Merlin nodded and unwrapped his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. “You might lose points for the crunchy peanut butter, though. It is actually my favorite, so there’s nothing awkward about it.”

“I could probably make it awkward if you really wanted me to.”

“I’m sure you could,” Merlin teased before taking a bite. “It’s good,” he confirmed. “Just the right number of grains in the bread.”

Arthur smirked and took a loud bite out of the apple. They continued with their picnic, eating everything except the macaroni and cheese, which had gone cold despite Arthur lining his tupperware with tin foil.

After they packed up, they stayed on the dock a while longer, watching an occasional fish swim by or a turtle stick its head out of the water. Merlin let himself watch Arthur, too. He’d been golden in the dining hall the first time Merlin had seen him, but, out here in the woods, amongst nature and under the sun, he was glowing—like an Adonis, or maybe Apollo, but, somehow, he was actually within reach. 

“I wish I could sleep out here,” Arthur said wistfully, either unaware of or unbothered by Merlin’s gaze. “Probably not allowed.”

“Probably dangerous,” Merlin pointed out. “You might get eaten by a family of deer.”

“Do deer eat humans?”

“You’re right, there’s only one way to find out—you should definitely sleep out here.”

Arthur laughed and kicked the toe of Merlin’s boot with his own, then frowned. “Did your shoes get that dirty just from today?”

“No, it’s… old dirt. I don’t use these shoes that much. I went camping with my dad about a year and half ago, and… I guess I never bothered washing them off.”

“I guess you don’t go camping that often then, if you haven’t used them since. Do you like camping? I went a lot with my friends in high school. I fucking loved it. I wish I could get more of my friends into it now.”

Merlin didn’t answer Arthur’s question, not sure what to say or if he wanted to talk about it.

“So… you don’t like camping?” Arthur guessed.

Merlin shrugged. “I like it. I never went much growing up, just once or twice with my mom and our neighbors. I only went with my dad the once. It was, um… it was the first—the only time I’d ever met him. And… he died pretty shortly after that and I guess I just… never cleaned off the shoes.”

“I’m sorry,” Arthur said after a moment. “That’s awful.”

“It’s…” Merlin shrugged. “I don’t know. It is what it is. I only ever spent 2 days of my life with him, so…”

“You were able to talk with him, though?”

Merlin smiled to himself at the concerned tone in Arthur’s voice. “Yeah. I didn’t have a problem talking with him.”

“That’s good. At least there’s that.” When Merlin didn’t respond, Arthur asked, “Did your mom re-marry?”

“No. She’s barely even dated, as far as I know. She was busy raising me… I never got the impression she was lonely or sad or anything. I think she’s happy on her own. The thing with my dad… they weren’t even married. It was a brief affair, I think. He left before she even knew she was pregnant, and I think she was fine with that. What about you?”

“Kind of the opposite,” Arthur said. “My dad raised me by himself, for the most part. My mom died when I was just a few days old. He’s come close a couple of times to getting married again, but I think he’s better off on his own, to be honest. He’s a difficult person… I don’t think it’ll be an easy task to find someone who tolerates him as much as my mom apparently did.”

Merlin thought back over his childhood, wondering what it would have been like if he’d been raised by a single dad instead of a single mom.

“Well, this is a cheery topic,” Arthur said when the silence had stretched on for a while. “Do you want to head back?”

Merlin nodded and got to his feet with a grunt. He held out his hands, pulling Arthur up, and Arthur thanked him with a wet kiss.

“So,” Arthur said, taking out his phone to check the map again, “we can either go back the way we came or go on this other path. It’s half a mile longer, and it’ll put us back on campus near the library.”

“Let’s do that one,” Merlin decided. He leaned down to grab Arthur’s bag and slipped it on before Arthur could take it back. “My turn,” he said simply, heading off.

It got colder as they walked, and it was starting to rain when they finally reached the library.

“I have rugby practice in a bit,” Arthur said after Merlin led him under the awning of the back entrance.

“On a Friday? In the rain?”

“Just a short one, because of the game tomorrow.” Arthur wiped the rain off his face and considered Merlin for a few seconds. “Do you have any interest in watching tomorrow? You can say no.”

“I think ‘interest’ might a strong word,” Merlin admitted, “but I am curious. I’ll see if Gwen’s going and sit with her if she does.”

Arthur nodded. “I, um… I have to get back to my room to change before practice. Thank you for hiking with me.”

“I had a really good time,” Merlin said, stepping closer. “Thank you for inviting me.” He leaned in for a kiss, intending it to be brief, but then Arthur’s hands moved quickly to his neck, and, before he knew was what happening, they were making out as other students ran past them in the rain.

“What are you doing tonight?” Arthur murmured, pulling back and running his hands through Merlin’s damp hair.

“Homework,” Merlin said, guiltily. “I have to.”

“You could come over,” Arthur suggested. “We could do homework together in my room.”

Merlin grinned and gave Arthur another kiss. “I can’t. I’d get distracted.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“You would purposefully distract me.”

Arthur smirked and pressed a few light kisses along Merlin’s jaw. “Fine. How about _after_ homework?”

Merlin bit his lip as Arthur kissed a trail down his neck. “Video games with my friend Will.”

Arthur sighed dramatically and stepped back. “I see how it is.”

Merlin reached for Arthur’s hands, tangling their fingers together. “I’m free tomorrow.”

Arthur pulled his hands out of Merlin’s so he could cup Merlin’s face as they kissed again. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Merlin repeated. He moved in for one more kiss before he stepped away, out of reach. “Thanks for the picnic.”

Merlin pulled up the hood of his jacket as he stepped out from under the awning and waved back at Arthur before jogging through the rain back to his dorm.

 

~~0~~

 

Merlin spent the rest of the afternoon and evening locked in his room, trying to concentrate on his homework. It was, unsurprisingly, difficult, and he ended up giving himself two separate breaks to jerk off so that he’d have a better chance of getting actual work done.

In the end, he gave up and spent some time writing an email to his mom about what he’d done during the week and how his semester was going. He debated mentioning Arthur—Arthur was certainly the most interesting thing that had happened to him in a long time—but decided against it in the end. He didn’t want to risk having to answer questions if everything went bad. He wrote about his classes instead, and Will and Gwen, and sent it off without proofreading it.

When that was done, he went up to Will’s room on the third floor of their dorm half an hour early.

“Lover boy!” Will said in greeting when he opened his door.

Merlin rolled his eyes and plopped down on Will’s bed. “I quit my senior project for the night,” he explained when Will double-checked the time. “You can keep working if you want—I just couldn’t sit in my room any longer.”

“I wasn’t really working,” Will admitted. Instead of pulling out his game console and setting up for the night, he sat at his desk and gave Merlin a long, discerning look.

“ _What?_ ” Merlin asked, uncomfortable with the scrutiny.

“What do you mean, ‘what?’” Will asked incredulously. “Tell me how it fucking went!”

Merlin rolled his eyes again. “The movies we watched were really good.”

Will glared. “And?”

“And then we got ice cream from the student center.”

“ _And?_ ”

“And… he invited me back to his room for beer,” Merlin said, blushing even though there was nothing to blush about.

Will grinned and slapped his knee. “Holy shit! Did you do it? Did you fuck his brains out? Did he fuck yours out?”

Merlin laughed. “No, Will. There was no fucking. Calm down.”

Will pouted. “Come _on_ , man. Just tell me what happened! I’ve been waiting for this since fucking freshman year.”

“Waiting for what?”

“Anything!”

Merlin scoffed. “Thanks.”

“Come on!” Will whined. “If you don’t get on with the story, I’m kicking you out.”

Merlin considered his options and decided to play nice so that he wouldn’t have to go back to his dorm and be alone for the rest of the night.

“We went to his room for like 5 minutes, and then we went to the gazebo out back and talked there for a while. Then I went home.”

Will’s eyes narrowed. “And that’s it?”

Merlin licked his lips to hide his smile. “We might have kissed.”

Will flung his arms up in the air and let out a loud, cheering whoop.

“You’re an embarrassment,” Merlin said dryly.

“Holy shit, I’m so happy. This is a momentous occasion.” Will got up and pulled two six-packs of beers out of his mini-fridge. He handed one to Merlin as he sat down on the bed. “Were there fireworks?”

“Pretty much,” Merlin admitted, pulling a bottle from his pack and twisting off the cap. “It was… yeah. It was good. Great, even. ‘Phenomenal,’ I think, is what I said.”

Will laughed. “You said that out loud? Way to _stroke_ his ego.”

Merlin knocked his beer against Will’s. “Cheers.”

“And how.” Will took a long sip before asking, “Is that a fucking hickey?”

Merlin quickly covered the spot on his neck with his hand. He’d completely forgotten about it.

“It… might be.”

Will grinned proudly. “Jesus. What else did you get up to?”

“Nothing else last night. I left and… um, this morning I did some homework, and then he invited me on a hike out near the river.”

“A hike,” Will said blankly, his mad grin faltering. “That’s… sexy?”

“It was really nice,” Merlin assured him. “He packed a lunch and everything.”

“That’s…” Will frowned slightly. “That’s fucking beautiful, man. I am sincerely blown away by the fact that there is a gay rugby player out there who took you on a fucking picnic.”

Merlin blushed. “Yeah. Yeah. Me too, actually.”

“And you can talk to him?” Will asked. “You haven’t had any problems?”

“Today was better. Last night was kind of… kind of rough, but he’s weirdly patient. And I didn’t have any problems today, so hopefully that lasts a while.”

Will beamed at him. “Shit, Merlin. Congrats! You have unlimited access to the beer in my fridge tonight, _and_ I’m going to let you beat me in every game,” he said, getting off the bed to set up his console.

“How is that different from any other night?” Merlin teased.

“Watch it!” Will called as he untangled some cords. “I’ll revoke your privileges.”

Merlin laughed and got up to help.

 

~~0~~

 

It was well past midnight when Merlin got back to his room, and though he was a little drunk, he wasn’t tired yet. He tried to find a movie to watch on his laptop, but nothing caught his interest. He thought about reading but didn’t think he’d be able to pay attention. He considered taking a shower and forcing himself to go to bed, but that plan didn’t appeal to him at all.

After a few minutes of debate, he gave in to what he really wanted to do and texted Arthur.

_Are you up?_

The response came back within 30 seconds.

**;) Come over?**

Merlin sat on the edge of his bed, nervously bouncing his legs. He had hoped Arthur would indulge him in some late-night drunk texting, and he knew he could probably still negotiate that, but he had to admit to himself that he was extremely tempted by Arthur’s offer.

He did want to spend more time with Arthur. The more he got to know Arthur, the more he really, really liked Arthur. Arthur was kind and funny and smart and very nice to look at when the conversation fell away.

He also wanted to kiss Arthur some more.

What he didn’t want was anything more than that. He had meant what he said the previous morning—he wanted to have sex with Arthur, in whatever way Arthur wanted it. Handjobs, oral, ‘full-on’ anal sex… Merlin wanted to experience all of it, and he wanted to experience all of it with Arthur.

He needed more time, though. He didn’t know how much—he suspected not very much at all—but he wasn’t prepared to do anything more than kissing right then. He knew it was better to tell Arthur that than to play dumb, especially when he wasn’t sober and couldn’t necessarily trust himself to enforce boundaries in person.

_I shouldn’t. I still need to go slow_

When Arthur didn’t immediately respond, Merlin sent another text.

_Sorry_

He frowned down at his phone, hoping Arthur wasn’t giving up on him so soon.

**Nope, no apologizing. Slow is 100% A+**

_Did you just grade our progress?_

**You’re passing with flying colors. Do you want to come over anyway? We don’t have to do anything. We can watch a movie and/or cuddle. Adult sleepover! I have popsicles**

_What flavor?_

Merlin sent his reply and got up to stuff his pajamas and some clothes for the morning in his backpack.

**All**

Merlin smiled and finished packing up his stuff before responding.

_You really know how to tempt a guy. I’ll head over_

Merlin didn’t normally walk across campus in the middle of the night, and he was surprised to see that there were at least a dozen other students doing the same. Some were heading home from the library, others seemed to just be out on a random stroll, and there were even a few couples looking like they were trying to figure out which dorm room would offer the best chance at privacy.

Merlin remembered when he and Will used to live together and all the awkward interactions that always came up when Will had been dating around. Sometimes, Merlin would skip class and Will would try to do the same, only to find Merlin asleep or reading or already naked all on his own.

They had always laughed about it, but Merlin was relieved when they became juniors and finally had access to the single dorm rooms. Now, Will could do whatever he wanted with whoever he wanted and whenever he wanted, and Merlin could do the same.

 _Here_ , Merlin texted when he was walking up the path to Arthur’s dorm. He found the front door propped open with a tiny rock, so he went inside and saw Arthur in the common room with a few other students, sitting on the couches and watching a movie he didn’t recognize.

One of the other students looked up—it was one of Arthur’s friends from the night before, though Merlin couldn’t remember if it was Gwaine or Lance—and grinned at him.

“Your boy’s here,” he said to Arthur.

Merlin blushed, wondering how much Arthur had told his friends about them, as Arthur got up and headed over.

“Hey,” he said, pressing a kiss to Merlin’s red cheek. “How’s your night?”

Merlin shrugged, caught off guard by Arthur’s friends. He hadn’t expected the need to interact with anyone else.

Arthur considered him for a moment. “We’re watching _Forbidden Planet_ , have you seen it?”

Merlin shook his head, trying not to notice the way that Arthur’s friends were definitely watching them instead of the movie.

“It’s a shitty sci-fi adaptation of the _Tempest_. I don’t think there’s much left. Do you want to watch the end with us? I can get you a beer,” Arthur added when Merlin didn’t respond to his question.

Merlin nodded slowly, hoping another beer would help relax him again so he could enjoy a perfectly normal social situation of watching a movie with Arthur’s friends.

“PBR? I’ve got stuff upstairs, too, I’ve got, um… probably some Guinness, definitely Stella Artois, maybe… maybe Blue Moon?”

Merlin nodded and Arthur kissed him on the cheek again before dashing up to his room.

Merlin stayed where he was by the door, biding his time by taking off his backpack and pulling his phone out of his pocket.

“It’s Merlin, right?”

Merlin looked up to see one of Arthur’s friends getting up from the couch and coming over to him for introductions. He forced himself to nod.

“I’m Lance, we sort of met last night.” He held out his hand for Merlin to shake. “You staying to watch?”

Merlin nodded again and followed Lance as he led the way back to the couches. Lance sat next to the guy who had referred to him as Arthur’s ‘boy’—Gwaine—so Merlin sat on another couch, dropping his bag on the floor, and waited for Arthur to get back with his beer.

“You treating our princess well?” Gwaine asked.

Merlin blinked, honestly not sure if Gwaine was talking to him or not.

“Is our princess treating _you_ well?” Gwaine asked when Merlin didn’t respond to his first question.

Merlin nodded slowly, assuming Gwaine was referring to Arthur.

“Stop calling me that,” Arthur said, coming back into the common room with four bottles of Blue Moon. He handed one to Merlin, kept one for himself, and put the others on the floor as he sat down next to Merlin.

Merlin opened his beer quickly and took a few swigs.

“So, they’re on this planet,” Arthur explained, gesturing at the TV, “and they’re being attacked by a mysterious creature, but it’s really an evil monster created by this one scientist’s subconscious after he doubled his IQ or something by using some bullshit piece of technology from an extinct alien race.”

Merlin snorted into his beer.

“Pretty much,” Arthur agreed, opening his own beer. As he took a drink, he draped his free arm over Merlin’s shoulders. “Who died?” he asked, watching the characters gathering around a fresh grave.

“One of the white guys,” Lance answered.

Merlin chuckled and took a few more sips of his beer.

“That’s the double-smart guy and his daughter,” Arthur whispered to Merlin as some more characters came on screen. “And Robby the Robot. He’s a robot.”

Merlin smiled and leaned into Arthur’s embrace, shifting on the couch until their sides were pressed together. Arthur was warm and smelled like whatever soap he’d used in the shower after rugby practice.

He watched twenty minutes of the movie without nothing to try to understand the plot. Instead, he focused on his beer—his seventh of the night—and the sleepy, drunken commentary from Arthur and his friends.

“They just should have listened to the guy in the first place,” Gwaine said, rolling his eyes as yet another character died. “He told them ‘no,’ and he’s clearly a creep, anyway—look at those weird space outfits. I’d turn around and never come back.”

“It would literally be a 5-minute plot if they’d turned around when the guy told them to. That’s not even a movie,” Lance pointed out.

“Don’t get all smart on me.”

Lance muttered something in Spanish and Arthur responded. In retaliation for the trash-talk that was likely happening right in front of his face in a language he didn’t know, Gwaine leaned over and stole one of Arthur’s extra beers.

“That was not for you,” Arthur protested.

“Je suis désolé,” Gwaine said, over-pronouncing his apology as he sat back down.

“Funny, that sounded like ‘fuck you,’” Arthur noted.

“You need to go back to French 101.”

Lance said something in Spanish again, and Arthur handed over his last beer, replying with something that made Lance burst out laughing.

“They’re so fucking rude,” Gwaine said to Merlin. “Do you speak Spanish?”

Merlin shook his head.

“Yeah. Me, neither. Lo siento.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Lance asked.

Gwaine frowned. “Is that what that means?”

Lance rolled his eyes. “What did you think it meant?”

“Dude… I don’t know. It’s late, I’m drunk, and this movie is even dumber than I am—leave me alone.”

Merlin chugged the last of his beer to hide his laughter.

“I can’t watch any more of this,” Arthur moaned as the goofy futuristic set pieces started flashing lights in warning of something. He pressed his mouth to Merlin’s ear, and Merlin suppressed a shiver. “Want to come up?”

“You kids needs condoms?” Gwaine asked.

Merlin flushed and tried to sink down into the couch.

“Are you suggesting I would besmirch the, the… the _honor_ of this fine young man?”

“I’m not suggesting anything—I know you would. I know you will!”

Arthur laughed. “Probably.” He kissed the corner of Merlin’s mouth before standing and pulling Merlin up alongside him. “Gentlemen, we bid you adieu.”

“Buenas noches,” Lance said, giving a half-hearted salute.

“Dulce de leche,” Gwaine called after them as they headed for the door.

“My friends are idiots,” Arthur said, guiding Merlin up the stairs with both hands on his waist.

Merlin grinned and continued to lead the way, only stopping when Arthur had to unlock his room.

“Thank you for coming over,” Arthur said once they were inside with the lights on and the door closed. He tugged Merlin in for a soft kiss. “I’m sorry if my friends made you uncomfortable. I should have warned you.”

Merlin dug his fingers into Arthur’s hair and moved in for a longer, Blue Moon-tasting kiss.

“Fuck, Merlin,” Arthur moaned, pushing Merlin up against the door and sliding his hands under Merlin’s shirt.

Merlin murmured his agreement, pulling Arthur’s shirt off entirely so he could get his hands on Arthur’s chest. He ran his fingers over the soft, blond hair covering Arthur’s pecs and smiled to himself as Arthur huffed in response.

“This isn’t slow,” Arthur warned as Merlin leaned in to suck on Arthur’s neck. “Christ…”

Merlin continued until Arthur was moaning and rolling their hips together, creating a delicious friction that left them both hard and wanting.

“We need to stop,” Arthur murmured when Merlin kissed up to his ear. “Fuck.”

Merlin flicked his tongue out, curious to see Arthur’s reaction since that was one of his favorite things that Arthur had done to him so far. Arthur huffed again, digging his fingers into Merlin’s waist. Merlin repeated the lick and Arthur jerked forward slightly, leaning all of his weight against Merlin.

“You okay?” Merlin teased.

Arthur nodded weakly and straightened up, apparently struggling to support his own weight. “You’re…” He paused, smiling, and went in for another kiss. “You’re kind of my worst nightmare.”

Merlin laughed and wrapped his arms around Arthur’s neck, holding him close. “Thanks, I think.”

Arthur grinned and rubbed his nose against Merlin’s. “Yeah, it’s a compliment. I’m glad you’re talking again.”

Merlin bit his lip. “I’m… I’m sorry I froze up in front of your friends.”

“You can stop apologizing. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant it like… like, I’m glad you’re comfortable with me, because I’m comfortable with you, and I want that to be mutual.”

“It is,” Merlin assured him. “And your friends are really nice, I just… it was unexpected. Actually, I’m terrible around new people, so I probably would have been the same even if it had been expected.”

Arthur gave Merlin another kiss before stepping away. He adjusted himself as he turned around and Merlin couldn’t help but watch.

“That’s fair,” Arthur said, pulling open a dresser drawer and searching through the messy pile of clothes that was inside. “They are nice, though. Lance is probably my best friend. I hope you get to know him more, you’d like him. Everyone likes him. It’s hard not to like him. I hate him.”

Merlin laughed and sat cautiously on the edge of Arthur’s bed.

“I’m going to get changed,” Arthur said, still digging through his dresser. “You can make yourself—oh.” Arthur turned to see Merlin already sitting on his bed. “At home,” he finished quietly.

Merlin smiled as Arthur leaned down for a sloppy kiss before heading into his bathroom. When Arthur closed the door, Merlin pulled his pajamas out of his bag and quickly changed into his soft flannel pants and an old raglan shirt.

A few minutes later, Arthur came back out of the bathroom wearing a pair of distractingly short shorts and nothing else.

“Cold?” Arthur asked when he noticed Merlin’s sleepwear.

“Warm?” Merlin shot back, trying not to stare at Arthur’s crotch.

Arthur strode over to his bed to lean down and give Merlin another kiss.

“Can I interest you in a popsicle?”

Merlin sniggered. “No thanks, I probably don’t need all that sugar right before bed.”

“I guess that’s fair.” Arthur straightened up and stretched, his back cracking loudly. “Ow,” he said, dropping his arms. “Well… do you want to put on a movie? A better movie than _Forbidden Planet_?”

“Yes, anything but that.”

Arthur sat down at his desk and busied himself with his laptop for a few minutes. Merlin lay down and stared up at the ceiling, wondering for the first time if he and Arthur would even be able to both comfortably fit in the small twin-sized dorm bed.

“Have you seen the _Alan Partridge_ movie?” Arthur asked.

“Never heard of it.”

“It’s a British comedy about some really dumb radio personalities getting into a hostage situation.”

Merlin yawned and propped himself up on his elbows. “Okay, let’s do it.”

Arthur dragged his chair over to the bed, set his laptop down on it, and started up the movie. He turned off the lights and lay down next to Merlin, who had to press against the wall so they’d both fit.

“I forgot how uncomfortable this is,” Arthur admitted, lifting an arm up and getting it around Merlin’s shoulders.

“I can go back to my dorm,” Merlin offered, already slotting into place. He draped his arm across Arthur’s stomach, rested his head on Arthur’s shoulder, and sighed contentedly. “You really are warm.”

Arthur covered Merlin’s hand with one of his own. “I am. And you don’t have to go back unless you want to. We can make it work. People do this all the time.”

“Do you think they give us such small beds to discourage pre-marital sex?”

Arthur snorted with laughter. “I highly doubt ‘they’ care.”

“Probably not.” Merlin nosed Arthur’s collar bone and closed his eyes, only half-listening to the opening scene of the film. “I’m kind of drunk,” he admitted. “I had some beers with Will earlier. And the one downstairs.”

Arthur brushed his thumb across the back of Merlin’s hand. “I’m more than kind of drunk.”

Merlin smiled but found that he no longer had the energy to open his eyes. “I’m going to fall asleep,” he warned.

“That’s kind of the point.” Arthur shifted until he got the blankets out from under them.

Merlin forced himself to sit up as Arthur rearranged the sheets and pillows. He glanced toward the laptop and blinked a few times to bring the screen into focus.

“Oh, I like that actor,” he mumbled.

Arthur snorted again and lay back down, tugging Merlin down, too. “Yeah, he’s hilarious. Go to sleep.”

Merlin pressed his face against Arthur’s warm skin, closed his eyes, and drifted off to the sound of Arthur chuckling at the film.

 

~~0~~

 

Merlin woke up several times over the course of the night, not used to sleeping with another body so close to his. It was strange, both physically and emotionally, and it was very new.

Each time he woke up and rolled over, Arthur woke up, too. Merlin apologized the first time, but Arthur just hushed him and immediately fell back asleep, so he tried to do the same.

It proved an impossible feat. He was pretty sure he didn’t manage to stay asleep for more than an hour at a time, and it was getting more and more difficult to fall back asleep each time he woke up. Arthur didn’t seem to be having the same problem; all he kept doing was waking up, wrapping his arms back around Merlin, and passing out again.

Merlin wished he could sleep so easily, although he did wonder if Arthur was just forcing himself to sleep because of his rugby game.

Eventually, when Merlin couldn’t fall back asleep, he resolved to stay as still as possible so he wouldn’t disturb Arthur any more. He got up close and personal with the paint on Arthur’s wall, the seams in Arthur’s comforter, and all the patterns the sun made on the wall and sheets as it rose and started shining through the window above their heads.

When Arthur finally woke up and stifled a yawn against Merlin’s shoulder, Merlin turned in his arms to give him a morning kiss.

Arthur allowed it for a moment but then turned his face away. “Don’t,” he muttered. “I’ve got terrible breath.”

Merlin smiled and kissed Arthur’s cheek. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” Arthur said around another yawn. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Did you?” Merlin asked, wondering if maybe Arthur didn’t remember how many times they had both woken up and readjusted themselves on the bed.

“Like a rock.”

Merlin chuckled and reached out under the blankets to put his hand on Arthur’s waist. “That’s good. Are you feeling well-rested for your game?”

Arthur nodded before closing his eyes again and burying his face in Merlin’s neck. “Let’s just stay here all day.”

Merlin hummed in agreement and slid his hand up Arthur’s side until he could run his fingers through Arthur’s soft hair.

For a few minutes, it seemed like Arthur had fallen back asleep, but then he rolled onto his back with a sigh and scrubbed his hands over his face.

“What time is it?” he asked.

“Probably early,” Merlin warned.

Arthur turned onto his side and pressed a button on his laptop, groaning when the bright screen glared in his face.

“Barely nine,” he reported, closing his laptop. “I’m going to shower.”

Merlin waited, but Arthur didn’t get out of bed.

“Are you going to shower right here?” he teased, resting his head on Arthur’s chest again, still amazed at how much warmer Arthur’s body was than his own.

“I would if I could.”

Arthur played lazily with Merlin’s hair for a few minutes, and Merlin started to feel himself slipping into sleep, comfortable for the first time in hours.

“Would you want to join me?”

“Hm?” Merlin asked, struggling to pull himself back into consciousness.

“In the shower,” Arthur said quietly. “Do you want to come in with me?”

Merlin rolled onto his back to force himself to wake up. “Really?”

“If you want to. You don’t have to. And we don’t have to do anything. It’s just an offer. I kind of… like showering with other people.”

“Like the rugby team?”

“Like you,” Arthur said, poking Merlin’s stomach.

Merlin considered the offer, wondering how tempted they would both be to stop going slow.

“You don’t have to,” Arthur said again, pushing himself out of bed. “I’ll be quick and then you can go in after me.”

“Nope,” Merlin said, making up his mind. He sat up and scooted over to the edge of the bed, dropping his feet off the side. “I’m coming with you.”

Arthur grinned and pulled Merlin up. “We’re brushing our teeth first.”

Merlin nodded and dug through his backpack, thankful he’d thought to bring his own toothbrush with him. He followed Arthur into the small bathroom, and they stood next to each other at the sink, trying not to make eye contact in the mirror.

“Well, that wasn’t awkward at all,” Arthur declared once he’d rinsed all the toothpaste out of his mouth.

“Not even a little bit,” Merlin agreed. He used Arthur’s cup to rinse as Arthur reached into the shower to turn on the water and play with the knobs until the temperature was right.

“It’s hot,” Arthur warned before stepping out of his shorts and into the shower.

Merlin closed his eyes for a moment, the reflection of Arthur’s naked ass in the mirror now seared into his memory. Then, keeping his eyes closed to fight off his nerves, Merlin took off his shirt and pushed his pajama bottoms and briefs to the floor. He got in the shower quickly, gasping as the hot water hit his bare skin.

Before he could start feeling too self-conscious, Arthur kissed him, long and deep and wet.

“Good morning,” Arthur said when he finally pulled back.

Merlin grinned and watched as Arthur rubbed shower gel all over himself. They were both hard by the time Arthur passed the bottle to Merlin, and Merlin couldn’t help but give his cock a few quick tugs as he washed himself, keeping his eyes on Arthur.

Arthur’s cock was like the rest of him—broad and tan and eager. It was pointing toward Merlin, practically begging for his attention.

And Merlin wanted to give it his attention. He wanted to stroke and rub and suck it; he wanted to try everything and savor all of Arthur’s responses. He wanted to hear more of Arthur’s moans. He wanted to hear Arthur moaning his name.

Merlin swallowed heavily, forcing himself to look away. He glanced up to find Arthur staring shamelessly at him, and he could nearly see those same thoughts whirring through Arthur’s mind.

Merlin stepped forward for a kiss and moaned into Arthur’s mouth at how much of their skin was suddenly touching. Arthur groaned in response, holding Merlin closer.

It was incredible, Merlin decided. Being naked with another person, exploring each other’s bodies, that heightened sense of urgency and intimacy—it was incredible.

When Arthur pressed Merlin against one of the shower walls and their cocks got some friction against each other’s hips, Merlin decided to let it happen. He wasn’t going to stop or freak out. He was going to come with Arthur. He was going to get to see Arthur come.

Arthur pulled away after a minute, panting ridiculously. “I’m—fuck,” he breathed, taking a step back and leaning against the opposite wall.

Merlin moved to follow him, his cock throbbing with how close he already was, but Arthur held out his hands, keeping Merlin on the other side of the shower.

“What’s wrong?” Merlin asked.

“Nothing,” Arthur said, shaking his head. “Just trying to keep it slow.”

Merlin couldn’t hold back a laugh. “We are naked and in the shower. I think we’re past the point of taking it slow.”

Arthur shook his head again. “Not like this,” he said, so quiet that Merlin almost couldn’t hear him over the running water. “You deserve something better.”

Merlin frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Something else. Something not totally rushed and unplanned in the shower. Something… I don’t know, something nice and romantic and near a bed so you can come so hard it doesn’t matter if your legs turn to jelly.”

Merlin’s cock twitched at that and Arthur’s eyes dropped at the movement. He licked his lips and Merlin’s cock twitched again. All Merlin wanted was some relief. Some release.

“I don’t need all that,” Merlin insisted.

“No,” Arthur said softly, “you do. I want you to have it.”

Merlin shook his head and stepped forward for a kiss, and this time Arthur let him.

“You’re kind of a ridiculous sap,” Merlin pointed out.

“Yes,” Arthur admitted. “Just don’t tell my teammates.”

Merlin smiled and let Arthur rinse them both off before they stepped out of the shower, still hard.

“Have you always been out to your teammates?” Merlin asked, wrapping a towel tightly around his waist.

“No,” Arthur answered as he vigorously rubbed a towel over his hair. “Took me about a week.”

Merlin laughed. “Wow, such a long time to keep them in the dark.”

Arthur flung the towel at Merlin’s head, and Merlin dried his hair as best he could before dropping it on the floor. Arthur grabbed another one to dry off his body.

“There’s a pretty big chance it would have taken me several years, or maybe forever,” Arthur said, walking back into his room naked and going over to his dresser, “but Gwaine is a nosy dick, so he just asked about it me in front of the whole team at the first big party I went to.”

Arthur pulled on a clean pair of boxers and flopped down on his bed, his hair dripping onto the pillow case.

“And you just told him?” Merlin asked, horrified at the thought of being outed so publicly and abruptly.

“No reason not to. I’d heard about another gay guy who’d been on the team the year before—and it didn’t seem like anyone would have a problem with it—so when Gwaine asked what my ‘deal’ was, I said I was gay. Don’t tell him, but I’m actually kind of grateful. I’m not sure I ever would have figured out how to come out to the team on my own, but, thanks to his big mouth, I’ve been out and proud pretty much my entire college career.”

Merlin sat down on the edge of the bed near Arthur’s feet. “It’s nice that they don’t care. That’s not what I would have expected.”

“It’s rugby—they don’t care about anything except mowing people down.”

Merlin smirked and reached for his bag, pulling out the clothes he’d packed the night before.

“I’m glad you stayed over,” Arthur said quietly. “I had a good time… even though we pretty much passed out within like 45 minutes of you getting here last night.”

“Guess we’ll just to try actually staying awake another night,” Merlin said cheerfully. He stood up and unwrapped his towel, letting Arthur get an eyeful before he pulled on his briefs and jeans. He sat back down as he put on his shirt. “I’m glad I stayed over, too. Thank you for being so understanding about everything.”

“It’s honestly not that hard.”

“It is kind of hard,” Merlin said, glancing pointedly at Arthur’s lap.

Arthur laughed and sat up to kiss Merlin on the cheek. “Okay, yes, that particular bit is hard. But the rest of it isn’t.” He rested his chin on Merlin’s shoulder and sighed. “I guess breakfast should be next on the schedule.”

Merlin pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time and saw that he had a text message from Gwen.

**You need to tell me everything and you need to come to the game with me.**

It was from less than an hour ago; Gwen had probably already eaten breakfast with Will and caught up on all the gossip.

“I’m not hungry,” Merlin admitted. He always lost his appetite after a night of poor sleep. “But you should go eat. I’ll see you at the game and we can meet up after, if you still want.”

“I still want,” Arthur whispered into Merlin’s ear. “I want you.”

Merlin turned his head to give Arthur a soft kiss and then stood. “Well… I look forward to watching you mow people down, I guess. Try not to die too much.”

Arthur laughed and reached out for Merlin’s hand, tugging him down for one last kiss. “I’ll see you after,” he said, giving Merlin’s hand a tight squeeze before letting go.

“After,” Merlin confirmed. He left before he could be tempted to stay any longer and hurried down to the common room.

“Merlin!” Gwaine called from where he was shoveling toast into his mouth at one of the large kitchen tables. “Did Arthur besmirch your honor?”

Merlin grinned and shook his head as he let himself out; he could still hear Gwaine’s raucous laughter as he headed off on the path that led back to his dorm.

 

~~0~~

 

The rugby game was easily the most violent thing Merlin had ever seen in person. Gwen kept trying to tell him the rules, but, as far as Merlin could tell, it really did seem to be mostly about mowing people down. The players were all huge and combative, and Merlin didn’t understand how people weren’t breaking bones with every tackle.

He did like watching Arthur, though. Arthur was a beast on the field—aggressive and sure if not a little reckless. He played like it mattered, like something more important than just winning was on the line, like he had something to prove.

Merlin wondered if maybe Arthur was just showing off for him.

Eventually it was over—Arthur and his teammates had won easily—and Gwen dragged Merlin onto the field to talk to the team. Elyan gave them both sweaty, dirty hugs, and Lance came over as well, his face lighting up at the sight of Gwen.

After a minute, Merlin stepped back to give Gwen and Lance room to flirt without him hovering.

“Disgusting, isn’t it?” Arthur asked, sneaking up from behind and resting his chin on Merlin’s shoulder.

“Hm?” Merlin asked, leaning his head against Arthur’s.

“All these heterosexuals.”

Merlin laughed and turned around to give Arthur a quick kiss. “Good game,” he whispered.

“Thanks,” Arthur said, beaming at him. “I’m really glad you came. Did you enjoy it?”

Merlin nodded, but Arthur seemed to see through the lie.

“Well… it’s not for everyone,” Arthur admitted, still smiling.

“Did you get hurt?” Merlin asked, reaching up to brush some dirt off of Arthur’s face.

“No more than usual,” Arthur said dismissively. “I’m—oof!” Arthur staggered slightly under the weight of another player who had just flung himself at Arthur. “Damn, dude!” Arthur laughed as he pushed his teammate away. “You are fucking _caked_ in mud.”

The other player, who towered over both Merlin and Arthur, laughed, his curly hair bouncing cheerfully as he did so. “Sorry.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Sure you are. This is Merlin.”

“Leon,” the player said, holding out his hand.

Merlin shook it, grinning to cover for his silence. He recognized Leon from a class they’d taken together freshman year, but he wasn’t sure he could make small talk after such a sudden entrance.

“Have we… oh, were you in that poetry class a few years ago?” Leon asked. “With, uh… shit, what’s that professor’s name?”

Merlin knew but shrugged as if he didn’t remember to avoid having to give the answer.

“Well, it’s good to see you again, anyway,” Leon said, brushing off the momentary awkwardness. “Don’t let this one recite any of _his_ poetry.” He clapped Arthur on the back and then turned to lift Gwen up on his shoulders, carrying her away.

Merlin watched, amused as Lance chased after them, but then turned back to Arthur with an eyebrow quirked.

“I don’t write poetry,” Arthur said quickly. “I am, however, spectacularly bad at translating it, so…”

Merlin chuckled and pressed a quick kiss to Arthur’s lips. “I’m going back to my room,” he whispered. “Text me when you’re free?”

Arthur nodded, giving Merlin’s hand a squeeze before letting him go.

Merlin headed back to his dorm, trying and failing to get Gwen’s attention to wave goodbye. She was too busy being fawned over by no less than three rugby players, and, despite the shy smile on her face, it looked like she was loving it.

When he got back to his room, Merlin kicked off his shoes and crawled into his bed to take a nap. He was exhausted after not getting much sleep and spending his entire morning with Gwen, going over every single detail of his budding romance.

He wanted a bit of time for himself—to just rest and not think—so he turned off the lights, pulled down the blinds, and drifted off before he could remember to set an alarm.

Merlin woke up a while later to the disorienting sensation of his thigh vibrating. He rolled over, trying to ignore it, but the strange shaking grew more intense when he turned onto his stomach.

Heaving a great sigh, Merlin squirmed around under his covers until he managed to pull his phone out of his pocket.

**Arthur  
Do you want to come over for dinner? I’ll cook**

Merlin smiled and rolled onto his back again as he stretched, trying to wake himself up properly.

_You don’t have to wine and dine me_

**But what if I want to?**

_Then I guess I can’t stop you. What’re you making?_

**What do you like?**

_Food_

Merlin kicked off his sheets and sat up. He’d only napped for an hour and was still tired, although nowhere near tired enough to turn down Arthur’s offer.

**Interesting! Tell me more**

_I like it best when it goes in my mouth_

**Gross!**

_You’re just jealous. What can you make?_

**I make a really mean grilled cheese**

Merlin yawned and pushed himself out of bed.

_That sounds good. What time?_

**6?**

Merlin checked the time and sighed. He still had almost 2 hours before he would need to go over to Arthur’s dorm. He wanted to sleep more but knew that he should stay awake, otherwise he’d never be able to fall asleep that night.

He went to the bathroom down the hall to relieve himself; when he came back, there was another text from Arthur.

**Or whenever. I don’t have anything going on for the rest of the day. I’m in the common listening to Lance try to compose a poem for Gwen. Come save me?**

Merlin chuckled, not entirely sure if Arthur was joking.

_I’ll come over in a bit. See you soon!_

Merlin decided to take a long, hot shower, more to relax than because he really needed one. He jerked off slowly, knowing it wouldn’t take much of the edge off if he and Arthur did anything after dinner but wanting a release, anyway. He’d never felt so constantly and consistently horny before; every time he thought about Arthur, even if it was just remembering something funny Arthur had said, he started getting this feeling in the pit of his stomach that he _needed_ to come, and fast.

Merlin was pretty sure he was ready for more with Arthur. Something about him—maybe it was his smile or the way he asked questions without assuming anything—made Merlin feel safe. That was all Merlin wanted, really; Will had become safe home base after so much time as Merlin’s roommate, and Gwen, too, was a safe and reassuring presence after so many classes together. Arthur was new and things were moving fast, but he was so steady and sure that Merlin couldn’t help but fall.

After he dried off from his shower and got dressed, Merlin packed another overnight bag and made his way across campus to Arthur’s dorm. He found Gwaine standing outside near the bike rack, smoking a joint with a smiling blond girl.

“Merlin!” Gwaine waved him over, but Merlin hesitated. “We don’t bite.”

Merlin frowned but made himself walk over to the bike rack to prove that he wasn’t scared. Gwaine offered him a hit, but Merlin shook his head.

“Do you know Elena?”

The blond girl held out her hand before Merlin could respond. “You look familiar, but—anyway, it’s nice to meet you.”

Merlin shook her hand, saying nothing.

“You here for the princess?” Gwaine asked, taking a long hit before passing the joint to Elena. Merlin nodded. “I’ll let you in,” he said hoarsely, still holding in the smoke.

Merlin nodded again in thanks as Gwaine unlocked the door for him.

“Treat him well,” Gwaine teased, waving goodbye.

Merlin found the common room empty, so he went up to Arthur’s room and knocked.

Arthur opened the door after a few seconds and greeted Merlin with a quick kiss.

“Come on in,” he said, stepping aside. “Lance and I are watching _Adventure Time_.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows but couldn’t make himself say anything as he went in and dropped his bag on the floor. Lance was sitting on Arthur’s bed, his back against the wall and his feet hanging off the edge. Arthur’s laptop, set up on a chair in front of the bed as it had been the night before, was playing the show’s opening sequence.

“How’d you get in?” Arthur asked, closing the door.

Merlin shrugged, trying to appear calm and cool and collected, and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“I can go,” Lance offered, shifting to the edge of the bed.

Merlin shook his head quickly. He was shouting in his head— _No, don’t. Stay, stay, stay! We should hang out!_ —but all he managed to say out loud was a quiet, “No.”

“Sorry,” Arthur said gently, turning slightly to give the illusion of a private conversation.

Merlin shook his head again, feeling himself turning red. Maybe this had been a mistake, maybe he wasn’t ready, maybe he would never be ready.

“I’ll just…” Lance got up from the bed and excused himself to Arthur’s bathroom, shutting the door firmly behind him.

“Sorry,” Arthur said again. “I didn’t think—I’m sorry.”

“Stop,” Merlin whispered. “Please.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, willing himself to drop his shoulders and unclench his fists. “I’m fine,” he said in what he hoped was a convincing tone. “That just… you don’t need to freak out every time I can’t talk.”

“I didn’t—” Arthur started, but cut himself off. “Sorry.”

Merlin took another deep breath and pulled his hands out his pockets. “Can I have your keys?”

“What?”

“Your keys. I’m going to take a walk, just around the dorm, maybe. And when I come back, I want you and Lance to be watching _Adventure Time_. Then, I will join you, and we can just pretend this shit show never happened, okay?”

“It wasn’t a shit show.” Arthur put his hand on Merlin arm, but Merlin quickly shrugged it off.

“Please,” Merlin said a little desperately. “I just—I need some air.”

Arthur frowned, looking like he wanted to argue the point some more, but he kept quiet and pointed at where his keys were hanging on a little hook near the light switch. Merlin took them and left quickly, going out the back entrance of the kitchen and making a beeline for the empty gazebo.

He sat down and covered his face with his hands, wondering why Arthur was even bothering with him. He just wanted to be able to hang out with Arthur’s friends in a normal way, but he was incapable of making a good first impression, or even a good second or third impression.

It always took Merlin so long to warm up to new people that, most of the time, it just never happened. People weren’t usually as patient as Will or Gwen. Arthur had been patient—when it was just the two of them. Even the night before, when everyone was drunk, it had been fine. But neither Arthur nor Lance had known what to do with Merlin’s silent appearance during their cartoon watching, and it just made Merlin want to hide for the rest of the night.

Or… maybe Arthur was right—maybe it hadn’t been a shit show. Maybe Merlin was just overreacting because he was tired and anxious and hated surprise social interactions. It wouldn’t be the first time Merlin had completely misinterpreted someone’s polite concern and turned it into a whole _thing_.

That thought made him want to hide even more.

When he couldn’t stand to sit still any longer, Merlin left the gazebo and started to walk back to his dorm through the large field, deciding that he and Arthur could just try again some other time. Halfway there, he realized that he’d left his bag in Arthur’s room and that he still had Arthur’s keys.

“Shit,” Merlin muttered, stopping in his tracks. He couldn’t take off and leave Arthur without keys for the evening.

Cursing himself for getting into this mess, Merlin turned and headed back toward Arthur’s dorm. He went slowly, kicking at clods of dirt and stopping once to try to make friends with a chipmunk that ran away as soon as he crouched down.

Merlin reached the back door of Arthur’s dorm sooner than he wanted. To give himself an extra bit of time, he went around to the front entrance where Gwaine and Elena were still smoking by the bike rack and saw that Elyan had joined them.

Against his better judgement, Merlin walked over and accepted Gwaine’s offer of the joint.

“Did you and the princess have a fight?” Gwaine asked when Merlin handed it back.

Merlin shook his head, struggling not to cough as he held in the smoke; Gwaine’s weed tasted stronger than what he usually bought for himself.

“I don’t think Arthur likes it when you call him that,” Elyan said, grabbing the joint out of Gwaine’s hand before he could take a hit.

“He loves it,” Gwaine said firmly.

“You’re an idiot,” Elyan said mildly. He took a hit off the joint and handed it back to Merlin, who did the same.

“Who are you talking about?” Elena asked.

“The princess.” Gwaine took the joint from Merlin before Elyan could snatch it again. “Arthur.”

Merlin leaned on the edge of the bike rack and listened as Arthur’s friends debated whether Gwaine calling him a princess was homophobic. Then, it somehow morphed into a discussion of the _Princess Bride_ , after which Gwaine ranted about the lack of good action rom-coms nowadays.

When he realized he’d completely lost track of the conversation, Merlin let himself back inside and went up to Arthur’s room. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been gone, but he found Arthur and Lance sitting on Arthur’s bed and watching _Adventure Time_ , just as he’d requested.

Lance waved and Arthur gave a tentative smile, but neither said anything as Merlin hung up Arthur’s keys, kicked off his shoes, and sat down next to Arthur to watch the show.

Arthur kept his hands to himself at first, which Merlin understood but didn’t want. Knowing he would probably have to make all the moves for the rest of the night, Merlin set a hand on Arthur’s thigh and rested his head on Arthur’s shoulder to show that he wasn’t angry or closed off. It took a few minutes, but, eventually, Arthur wrapped an arm around Merlin’s shoulder to pull him closer.

Merlin snuggled happily against Arthur, listening to his heart beating and feeling his chest rising and falling as he breathed, and tried not to fall asleep. He wasn’t sure how many episodes they watched—everything sort of blurred together and none of the plots made much sense—but, after a while, Lance decided it was time for dinner.

“You guys going to the dining hall?” he asked as he struggled to shove his feet into his laced-up sneakers.

“Nah.” Arthur let go of Merlin to stretch out his arms. “I’m making grilled cheese.”

“Very romantic,” Lance teased.

“It is. You should try it with Gwen.”

“Shut up,” Lance muttered under his breath. He saluted as he let himself out.

Arthur stood to lock the door behind Lance and then turned to where Merlin had sprawled out across the bed. Merlin reached out a hand, beckoning Arthur to him. Arthur rolled his eyes but obliged, sitting on the edge of the bed and leaning down for a kiss.

“Did you… you kind of smell like pot,” Arthur said when he pulled back.

Merlin nodded and Arthur turned away, looking angry. Merlin propped himself up on his elbows and tried to come up with an explanation. He didn’t want Arthur to be upset, especially when he felt so good and relaxed.

“I don’t want you to have to get stoned just to talk to me or hang out with my friends,” Arthur said, looking down at his floor. “I don’t think it’s… healthy.”

Merlin frowned and tried to respond, but nothing came out. He wasn’t bothered by it, but he knew Arthur would be, so he took his phone out of his pocket to type up a response.

_that’s not why i did it. it wasn’t on purpose. i was coming back and ran into gwaine and he offered me his joint. i only had 2 hits. i feel really good. don’t be mad, it’ll wear off in a while_

He handed his phone to Arthur, who took it warily and read over the message.

After a long moment, Arthur set the phone on Merlin’s chest and lay down on his side. He draped one arm across Merlin’s middle and pressed a kiss to Merlin’s shoulder.

“Sorry,” he said quietly. “I think I’m just tired. Maybe I didn’t sleep as well as I thought I did last night—I’m feeling kind of grumpy for some reason.”

Merlin curled one arm around Arthur’s back to tug him closer.

They stayed that way until Merlin’s stomach started growling.

“I think it’s nearly 7,” Arthur whispered. “Do you still want grilled cheese?”

Merlin nodded and struggled to sit up while Arthur stayed horizontal.

Arthur turned onto his stomach and groaned into his pillow. “Is it bedtime?”

Merlin licked his lips and got up onto his knees. He adjusted himself until he was straddling the backs of Arthur’s thighs, and then he leaned down to knead the tension out of Arthur’s back.

“Fuck,” Arthur gasped when Merlin went straight to work on a knot near his right shoulder. “Ow, shit.” Merlin eased up immediately, but Arthur grunted in protest. “No, don’t—don’t stop. Go harder.”

Merlin smirked at the request but did as he was told, applying more and more pressure until Arthur’s moans started sounding more pleasured than painful. When he couldn’t find any more knots and Arthur seemed more like a human-shaped bowl of pudding than a sore athlete, Merlin leaned down to kiss the back of Arthur’s neck.

“You’re amazing,” Arthur said, his voice muffled by the pillow. “Completely amazing.”

Merlin nuzzled Arthur’s hair and sat up, eager for the grilled cheese sandwiches.

“Okay, okay,” Arthur mumbled, apparently to himself, as he stood up. “Dinner.” He opened his mini fridge and grabbed a plastic bag of groceries off the top shelf. He paused, staring down at the food. “Beer?” he asked hesitantly, turning back to Merlin.

Merlin got up from the bed and shook his head.

“Do you mind if I…”

Merlin shook his head again, so Arthur ducked down to pull some bottles out of his mini-fridge. When he straightened up, he pulled Merlin in for a hug.

“All good?” he asked.

Merlin nodded and gave him a gentle kiss.

“Okay.” Arthur squeezed Merlin tightly for a second and then let go to lead the way down to the kitchen.

There were some other students camped out on the couches watching TV in the lounge, but the kitchen area was empty. Arthur unceremoniously dumped his ingredients on the counter before digging through the drawers to look for cooking utensils.

Merlin sorted through the food, setting everything out neatly. There was a loaf of bread, two blocks of cheddar cheese, and three apples. He lined up the beer Arthur had brought down as well, pushing the bottles against the back of the counter and making sure all their labels were showing.

Arthur took one of the bottles almost as soon as Merlin was done fussing with them and popped it open with a bottle opener he’d found in one of the drawers. He took a long swig and offered it to Merlin, who shook his head. Arthur set down the beer and picked up the rest of what he’d found.

“Here,” he said, holding out a large knife and a box grater. “Do you want apple duty or cheese duty?”

Merlin picked up one of the apples and raised an eyebrow, hoping his question was obvious.

“Trust me,” Arthur said, taking the apple. “I’ll slice these, you do the cheese.”

Merlin rinsed off the grater and set it on top of a cutting board Arthur had found, then unwrapped a cheese block and started to shred it. He’d never shredded his own cheese for a sandwich before. He wondered if Arthur was trying to impress him with fancy techniques, or if Arthur always cooked like this.

“I meant to get one of those bags of pre-made salad, too, but I forgot,” Arthur said as he cut up one of the apples.

Merlin finished off the cheese block and wiped his hands on his jeans before sliding over to kiss Arthur on the cheek. Arthur smiled and wrapped his arms around Merlin, pulling Merlin in for a proper kiss. Merlin immediately slid his tongue into Arthur’s mouth and reached around to slip his hands in Arthur’s back pockets, enjoying the boost of courage that Gwaine’s pot had given him.

Arthur broke the kiss with a chuckle. “You’re very bold when you’re stoned.”

Merlin nodded and moved in for another kiss, but Arthur stepped back. “Come on,” he said, blushing. “Let’s finish dinner. There’s plenty of time for that later.”

“Excuse me,” someone said pointedly.

Merlin looked up to see one of the students from over on the couches trying to get past him and to the sink. He stepped out of the way, watching as she got a cup of water and returned to her seat. He’d completely forgotten there were technically other people in the room. She must have seen him accosting Arthur, must have only been standing mere _feet_ away as it happened.

Normally, Merlin would have been tripping over himself in a frantic attempt to leave and hide, but, since he was still stoned, all he did was nudge Arthur and hold up the second block of cheese.

“Might be okay without it,” Arthur said, poking at the large pile of shredded cheese already on the cutting board. “Yeah, leave it for now. Can you get some butter out of the fridge? There should be some in there somewhere.”

Merlin opened the fridge closest to him and scanned the door shelves. Not finding anything useful, he checked the second fridge. There was a box of salted butter sticks sitting on the top shelf, so he grabbed it and set it down next to his cheese pile.

“All ready?” Arthur asked, holding out an apple slice.

Merlin nodded and took the slice, scarfing it down. He was starving, and all he really wanted to do was shove a handful of shredded cheese in his mouth, sandwiches and dignity be damned.

“Get some bread?” Arthur asked as he crouched down to search the cabinets next to the oven. He stood back up with a frying pan and gave it a quick rinse before setting it on the stove. Merlin handed him two slices of bread and watched, sneaking another apple slice, as Arthur started making their dinner.

He zoned out after only a few seconds, wondering how long it would take the pot to wear off. Would eating a solid meal help, or would he have to wait and sleep it off? Would Arthur be upset if he stayed high the rest of the night? Would Arthur refuse to mess around with him if he was like this? Would that be for the best, anyway?

“Can you get plates?” Arthur asked, holding up a sandwich on a spatula. “I forgot.”

Merlin opened the nearest cabinet and found several jars and shot glasses but no plates. He tried the next one and found two wide, shallow bowls. He pulled them out skeptically, thinking they probably needed a good wash.

“Good enough,” Arthur decided, dropping the sandwich into one of the bowls. “More bread, please.”

Merlin handed off more slices and refrained from eating the first sandwich by nibbling on another apple slice. When Arthur slid another sandwich into the second bowl, Merlin tried to take the bowls over to one of the tables, but Arthur grabbed his wrists and pulled him in for a kiss instead.

“You’re scrumptious.”

Merlin doubled over in a fit of giggles, clutching at his legs to try to stay upright.

“Come on,” Arthur said, pushing gently at Merlin’s side. “Let’s eat.”

Merlin struggled to get himself across the room and into a chair. He sat down, rested his forehead on the table, and tried to get his laughter under control.

When he looked up again, he was wiping tears out of his eyes, and Arthur was sitting across from him, surrounded by food and looking amused.

“Not so sure about that wearing off in a while,” Arthur teased. He took the top off his second beer. “Want one?” he asked, holding it out.

Merlin shook his head, still choking back more laughter. He reached for his sandwich, only to be thwarted by Arthur grabbing his wrist again.

“Wait, try this first.” Arthur took one of the leftover apple slices and sprinkled some shredded cheese on it before handing it over.

Merlin took it slowly, thinking it a very strange appetizer. Arthur looked eager, though, so Merlin took a bite.

“Mmm,” he said appreciatively, surprising himself with the sound. He popped the rest in his mouth and nodded approvingly.

Arthur grinned. “Okay. Bon appétit.”

Merlin dug in immediately. The apple slices in the grilled cheese sandwiches were a pleasantly delicious addition, he decided on his second bite. Wanting to share that, he pulled his phone out and typed up another message while finishing off the leftover apple slices.

_these are crazy good. thank you!!! :)_

He passed his phone to Arthur, who wrote a response before handing it back.

_you can thank me by sucking my cock ;)_

Merlin barely managed to swallow his mouthful of food before he burst into laughter again.

“Thank God,” Arthur said, laughing as well. “I was worried that was a joke too far.”

Merlin shook his head, holding onto his stomach and trying to breathe.

“You’ve a damn gorgeous smile, Merlin,” Arthur said before taking a sip of beer. He said it quietly, so quietly that Merlin thought maybe he didn’t actually want to be heard, but not so quietly that he actually achieved that.

Arthur words hit Merlin like a train, and his laughter halted with an awkward hiccough.

“I was thinking…” Arthur said, clearly attempting to sound casual even though he was blushing again. “After dinner, we should go hang out on the roof. You know, my little private ‘balcony’ outside the window.”

Merlin nodded, his heart pounding in his chest from the exertion of the laughter and the unreadable expression on Arthur’s face.

“And in case it wasn’t clear enough, that was a joke,” Arthur said, tapping Merlin’s phone.

Merlin sniggered, feeling a blush creep over his own cheeks. Arthur turned even redder and went back to his dinner, so Merlin did the same. He thought about what it would be like to have Arthur all to himself and do it properly, like Arthur wanted.

He wondered again if Arthur would want to mess around after dinner or if he would insist on waiting until they were both sober. Merlin wasn’t entirely sure he could handle anything sober. The shower that morning was one thing; it hadn’t been planned, and Merlin had been so in the moment and so horny and so ready and so _close_ —it had been easy.

Knowing such things were coming, however, was a different story. If he had too much time to think about it beforehand, he might get nervous and ruin everything. It had happened before with other things, and he knew it would happen again, but he didn’t want something like this—something like his first time with Arthur, with anyone—to be one of those times.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Arthur asked.

Merlin looked up and opened his mouth without thinking, but nothing came out. He smiled to deflect and Arthur returned it easily.

“No? No thoughts at all? Nothing going on inside that pretty head?”

Merlin rolled his eyes and Arthur’s smile broadened.

“Well, _I’m_ thinking about dessert options. I’ve still got those popsicles, but they’re a bit plain.”

Merlin shrugged. He wasn’t picky.

“Or we could go back to the student center for more ice cream.”

Merlin nodded. Maybe this time Arthur would let him pay.

“ _Or_ we could go off campus and get something fancy.”

Merlin grabbed his phone to type out his response.

_i said you DON’T have to wine and dine me, remember? i’m gonna suck you off either way_

Arthur’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head as he read it over, and Merlin bit down a smile at how stupidly pretty Arthur was when he blushed.

“In that case,” Arthur said quietly, setting Merlin’s phone down, “let’s do the fancy dessert.”

 _i’m paying this time_ , Merlin typed quickly.

Arthur looked like he was going to protest, so Merlin added under his first line, _I’M PAYING THIS TIME_.

“Okay, okay,” Arthur said, holding up his hands. “Deal.”

Merlin grinned and finished off the last of his dinner while Arthur listed off the various restaurants they could try for dessert. He shrugged until Arthur got the hint and picked a place for them to go.

“Heads up that the heat in my car crapped out last week,” Arthur aid when Merlin was finally done eating.

Merlin looked pointedly at the empty beer bottle on the table.

“I only had…” Arthur sighed, frowning. “Fine. Be all responsible. We’ll take the shuttle.”

Merlin smiled his thanks and helped collect their dishes and bring them to the sink. They washed them together, Merlin scrubbing and Arthur drying, and then went up to Arthur’s room to check the shuttle bus schedule.

“Okay,” Arthur said once he’d pulled up their school’s website on his laptop. “Looks like the next shuttle to town leaves from the performing arts center in… 20 minutes. It’s always early so we should plan to be there in 15, which gives us 10 minutes before we need to leave.”

Merlin plopped down on the bed and Arthur immediately joined him, pushing him down and kissing him heartily. Merlin moaned into the kiss and wiggled around on the bed, trying to find a position that wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. Before he could he could really think about what he was doing, Merlin lifted his legs up and around Arthur’s waist. It gave him leverage, and, suddenly, he had Arthur’s hard cock pressed to his own through their jeans.

“Fuck, Merlin,” Arthur groaned, bracing himself against the bed and shoving his hips against Merlin’s with such deliberateness that Merlin cried out. “You don’t make it easy to wait.”

Merlin shook his head quickly and pulled Arthur down for another kiss. He didn’t want to wait. He was lost in the moment again, and it felt so fucking good that he really didn’t care they were both about to come in their pants.

In the midst of their dry-humping, Arthur managed to get a hand between their bodies to palm Merlin’s cock through his clothes. Merlin gasped and gripped Arthur’s shirt with both hands, trying not to rip it. He was close—he was too close. It was going to happen.

Arthur sat up, covering his face with his hands. “Holy shit,” he muttered.

Merlin clenched his eyes shut, grabbed at Arthur’s sheets, and tried to stay as still as he could. He willed himself back from the edge; everything was wound so tight that he was worried he would come if he moved at all. He could hear himself panting ridiculously, but he didn’t have any brainpower to spare on being embarrassed. He needed to focus on not completely losing it.

“We still have a few minutes,” Arthur said hoarsely. “I’m gonna…”

He climbed off the bed and took a step toward the bathroom, but Merlin sat up quickly and grabbed his wrist.

“I’m—hey. What?”

Merlin squeezed Arthur’s wrist a little, not sure how to convey what he was thinking.

A sly smile spread across Arthur’s lips, and he pulled his hand out of Merlin’s grip to smooth down Merlin’s hair. “Don’t worry, I’m saving myself for you.” He brushed his thumb over Merlin’s lower lip before stepping away and into the bathroom.

Merlin lay back down, his mind spinning. He didn’t know why he hadn’t wanted Arthur to go jerk off in the bathroom. Hell, he could _really_ use some relief himself. Maybe he should do it, anyway. If he found some tissues, he might be able to get away with it without Arthur ever knowing the difference.

“Ready?” Arthur asked, appearing again.

Merlin stood, painfully aware of his cock. His briefs felt damp and he wondered if he was still leaking precome. He shrugged on his jacket, trying hard to think of anything other than what they had just done and how mind-blowingly good it had been.

When Merlin had his hand on the doorknob to let them out, Arthur pressed against his back and licked along the shell of his ear.

“You’re all mine tomorrow,” he said, reaching around to slide his hand over Merlin’s crotch.

Merlin huffed and suppressed a shudder, trying to stay composed. He glanced over his shoulder and tried to give Arthur a skeptical, questioning look, but he had a feeling it probably came across as more desperate than anything else.

“Not tonight,” Arthur whispered. He gave Merlin’s ass a quick squeeze before stepping back so Merlin could open the door.

They left the dorm and walked to the shuttle bus stop in silence. Merlin was thankful for the chilly night; it calmed his body down enough that he was pretty sure he wouldn’t get arrested for public indecency at the restaurant. It didn’t do anything for his thoughts, though. He wondered if Arthur knew how dangerously, impossibly close he had been to coming. He wondered how close Arthur had been. He wondered how many more close calls they were going to have that night.

It wasn’t until they were on the shuttle, seated toward the back with Merlin by the window and Arthur sticking one long leg out in the aisle, that Merlin realized how smoothly he and Arthur had been communicating all evening.

Merlin hadn’t said anything in hours and Arthur hadn’t mentioned it. He hadn’t even seemed bothered by it. He’d just rolled with it, letting Merlin use phones and eyebrows to say whatever needed to be said.

He’d read all of Merlin’s expressions so easily.

It had taken Will months to get that far.

Arthur reached over to hold his hand, and Merlin laced their fingers together. He had no idea why, but Arthur really, genuinely seemed to like him.

When they got off the shuttle, Arthur led the way to the restaurant he’d chosen. It was a few blocks from the shuttle stop, and he held Merlin’s hand the whole way, explaining different elements of the rugby match from that afternoon. Merlin followed along as best he could, his thoughts still a little scattered from the weed and that fact that this felt more like a real date than anything they’d done so far. They were out in public together, going to a restaurant. Merlin had thought about this kind of thing a million times, for his stories or in his daydreams, but he had never considered how _normal_ it would feel.

People went on dates all the time.

And now Merlin was one of those people.

The restaurant was small, dimly lit, and not very busy. They were seated against a long wall of empty tables and given the dinner menus and a wine list.

“Actually, can we have the dessert menu?” Arthur asked, flashing the waitress a charming smile. Merlin’s stomach flipped a little—Arthur could probably get whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted it, just from that smile.

The waitress switched their menus out and left them in peace. Arthur immediately leaned over the table to point out what he liked on Merlin’s menu.

“The budino is really good, have you had that before? It’s like a really rich pudding. Or there’s cheesecake, that’s always a safe option. Looks like they added tiramisu since the last time I was here…”

Merlin glanced down the list of desserts and then turned the menu over to see even more options on the back.

“We can get something to share,” Arthur said. “You can get whatever you want, I’m not picky. Just, um… just show me what you want me to order.”

Merlin frowned down at his menu. He hadn’t needed to have someone order for him a restaurant in years. Then again, he hadn’t ever gone to a restaurant while stoned and in the middle of a mute episode, so maybe he would have to resort to pointing at his menu after all.

Merlin picked up the wine list and handed it to Arthur.

“I don’t need anything.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and thrust the menu into Arthur’s hands, not interested in Arthur trying to save him money by ordering a shared dessert and no drinks.

“Ready?” the waitressed asked, appearing at their table again.

Arthur glanced at Merlin. “Actually, could we have a few more—”

“Can we get the budino?” Merlin asked, his voice quiet but steady. “And the chocolate banana crêpes, please. And…” he gestured for Arthur to order wine.

“Um,” Arthur said, looking down at the wine list with a blank expression. “House white?”

“Two,” Merlin said, deciding on the spot.

The waitress checked their IDs, took the dessert menus, and left again.

“Sorry,” Arthur said after a moment, still looking down at the wine list. “I…”

“Wanted to order for me?” Merlin teased.

Arthur looked up sheepishly. “No. I just haven’t, um… I don’t know. Haven’t quite figured out your… rhythm,” he said, gesturing vaguely.

“There isn’t one to figure out,” Merlin assured him, amused that Arthur had even been searching for a pattern. “Sometimes there’s a reason behind it, but sometimes it’s just like a little anxiety switch gets turned on in my brain for no reason. Or for no good reason, at least.”

Arthur set the wine list down and ran his fingers over the tabletop, smudging it. “So, when you’re not talking, it’s because you’re feeling very anxious?”

“Sometimes. Not… not always. I guess it normally starts out that way, and, eventually, I calm down, but sometimes that particular part of me just stays kind of… closed off, for lack of a better term. It’s…” Merlin sighed and scratched at his forehead. “I don’t know. I don’t have a good explanation or excuse for it.”

“I wasn’t asking for one,” Arthur said quickly. “I’m just trying to figure out how to make things comfortable.”

“You’re doing all the right things,” Merlin said quietly, feeling his face getting warm. “I’m sorry I can’t move much faster than this.”

“I told you—I don’t care. I like it.” Arthur reached across the table for Merlin’s hand, and Merlin let him take it. “I like you.”

Merlin couldn’t help but laugh. “I like you, too,” he said before Arthur could get offended. “I like how cheesy you are.”

Arthur winked and let go of Merlin’s hand as their waitress returned with their wine.

“How do you feel about spoilers?” Arthur asked after he’d taken a sip of his drink.

“What?”

“Spoilers. For like TV shows and stuff.”

“Uh… I don’t know. Why?”

“Because I want to talk to you about what shows I’m into,” Arthur explained. “But if you haven’t seen them, I need to know how much I can tell you before you want to hurt me.”

Merlin considered his answer and sniffed at his wine before sampling it. “If it’s something I’m going to watch, then I don’t want any spoilers. I like letting the show take me on the journey, you know? I like the stories and I just want to experience them. But I guess if it’s not something that I ever plan to watch, then I don’t care what I find out about it.”

Arthur grinned. “That’s fair. I love spoilers. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. I love getting balls-deep in crazy fan theories and stuff, and, sometimes, they end up being true. I guess you could call that a spoiler then even though it didn’t technically start out that way. What shows are you into?”

Before Merlin could answer, their waitress returned with their desserts. The budino was small and came in a jar that sat on top of a frilly doily. The crêpes came on a large plate and were stuffed with banana slices and covered in artful swirls of chocolate syrup.

“Damn,” Arthur said appreciatively, looking down at their food. “You picked good.”

Merlin took a large gulp of wine before grabbing his fork and digging into the budino.

They continued discussing TV as they ate, comparing which shows they were watching and how. Merlin liked to download everything onto his laptop—he would pay if he couldn’t find a free bootleg version anywhere—while Arthur preferred streaming online or, when he could, watching live in his dorm’s lounge. They shared similar tastes—sci-fi, fantasy, drama, mystery—although Arthur had more of a taste for the comedic and animated than Merlin, and Merlin watched more reality shows than Arthur had even heard of.

“It’s really very entertaining,” Merlin said around a mouthful of chocolate-covered banana.

“I just…” Arthur made a choked noise and Merlin could tell he was trying very hard not to burst out laughing at Merlin’s insistence. “I mean, maybe you’re right. Maybe _Extreme Couponing_ is worth all the hours you’ve spent watching it.”

“It absolutely is. I have no regrets.”

Arthur smirked. “Congratulations.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and finished off the budino without asking if Arthur wanted to split it. “I imagine it’s about as mindless and stupid as _Adventure Time_. It’s just something to watch to help you relax and unwind, you know? At the very least, it’s excellent background noise.”

Arthur shook his head. “See, I think you need to give _Adventure Time_ more credit than that. It gets surprisingly deep for what is more or less a show aimed at kids. There’s some pretty complex characters and relationships and even world-building. They’re in this post-post-apocalyptic world where you can make an entire kingdom out of candy matter, and the princess is a lesbian! Or something. It takes you on some real journeys, man.”

Merlin snorted. “You sound like a rugby bro.”

“I… might have shades of ‘rugby bro’ in my personality,” Arthur admitted, blushing. “Occupational hazard, I suppose. But I do really believe that _Adventure Time_ is a hella deep show, and I won’t stand for you comparing it to _Extreme Couponing_.”

“Fair enough. Lesson learned.”

Arthur licked his lips before draining the last of his wine. “You’re painfully easy to talk to.”

Merlin blinked, wondering if he’d misheard. “What?”

“You know… I don’t know. I thought it would be harder, since sometimes you don’t talk, and sometimes I just say completely the wrong thing, but it’s… it’s been a lot better than I thought it could be. You make it easy, somehow. I like meeting new people, but you make me feel, like… more comfortable, I guess. More comfortable than most people do.”

Merlin dragged his fork through the chocolate syrup on the remaining crêpe.

“Thank you,” he said quietly, not sure what else to say. “I haven’t really been trying to do anything differently than I normally do.”

“Then I guess that means you’re a comforting person in general,” Arthur said, smiling boyishly. “Or maybe it’s just us.”

“Us,” Merlin repeated blankly, still poking at the crêpe.

“Yeah.” Arthur waited until Merlin glanced up before adding, “Maybe it means we’re a good match. Unless you’ve been uncomfortable this whole time and I’m just imagining things.”

“I’m always uncomfortable,” Merlin said automatically. “But… it’s definitely been easier to open up to you than it usually is with new people.”

“See? We’re a good match.”

Merlin bit down a smile and took a few more sips of wine, emptying his glass.

“Do you… can I still take you up on my balcony?” Arthur asked after a moment.

Merlin nodded, licking his lips. Arthur grinned and cut a bite of crêpe. He held out his fork, his eyes crinkling around the edges as he tried to feed Merlin.

Merlin paused, eying the piece of crêpe uncertainly.

“Pretend it’s a strawberry,” Arthur suggested. “I’ll rub the chocolate syrup on your lips.”

Merlin moved forward and ate the crêpe quickly, before Arthur could make a mess. Arthur chuckled and leaned across the table for a kiss, his chair making a loud scraping sound against the floor as he half-stood.

His face as red and hot as it had ever been, Merlin kept his eyes firmly on his lap as their waitress came over to drop off the check.

“Sorry,” Arthur said unsurely when Merlin didn’t look up again. “Was that… too much? I’m sorry.”

Merlin shook his head and took a deep breath before lifting his head. “I told you—I’m paying.” He grabbed the check from Arthur’s hand and pulled out his wallet.

“Sorry,” Arthur said again, smiling this time. “I forgot.”

“No, you didn’t.” Merlin counted out enough cash to cover the bill and the tip and set everything neatly on the table. “I think you said something about a balcony?”

Arthur unceremoniously shoved the rest of the crêpe in his mouth and then led the way out of the restaurant.

“Do you happen to know when the shuttle goes back to campus?” he asked, taking Merlin’s hand as they headed down the sidewalk.

“Not at all. It’s every 40 minutes, right? Or is it every 20?”

“40, I think. How long we were in there?”

“I have no idea. I lose all sense of time when I’m high.”

“You’re still high?”

Merlin shrugged. “Maybe. Um… yeah. Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Arthur said, squeezing Merlin’s hand. “I was just curious. I didn’t know if you’d started talking again because it wore off or what.”

“I started talking because I didn’t want you to have to order for me.”

“I wouldn’t have minded.”

“I would have.”

“Noted.” Arthur tugged on Merlin’s hand as he turned down an alley.

Merlin followed, assuming Arthur knew a shortcut back to the shuttle stop. Half-way down the narrow passageway, Arthur pressed Merlin against one of the surrounding buildings and kissed him hungrily.

Merlin melted, sagging against the brick wall and grabbing hold of Arthur’s jacket to keep steady as Arthur pushed their bodies together.

“Fuck,” Arthur breathed when he finally broke the kiss. He pulled at Merlin’s hair, tipping Merlin’s head to the side so he could lick and suck at Merlin’s neck. Merlin huffed, his knees nearly giving out at all the sensations sparking through him.

“Can’t fucking stop kissing you,” Arthur muttered, moving back to Merlin’s lips and claiming them again, hard and wet and urgent.

Merlin kissed back as best he could through the fog of pleasure that seemed to be building up from his middle.

“God, tomorrow’s going to be amazing,” Arthur said before flicking his tongue against Merlin’s ear and reaching around to grab at Merlin’s ass. “First thing in the morning.”

“Now,” Merlin managed, tightening his grip on Arthur’s sides as their hips shifted against each other.

Arthur chuckled and licked his ear again. “Right now?” he teased. “Right here in this alley? You want me to turn you around and fuck you out in public?”

Merlin bit down harshly on his lip, but a whimper still escaped, and Arthur grinned wickedly.

“You like a little dirty talk?” he asked.

Merlin shrugged because he honestly didn’t know what he liked. He didn’t know if it was what Arthur was saying or how Arthur was saying it or just the fact that it was Arthur who was saying it. All he knew was that he was rock hard and dangerously close—again—to tipping over the edge that Arthur seemed so determined to wait for.

“Try me.”

“What?” Merlin asked, breathless as Arthur dry-humped him against the wall.

“Say something dirty.”

Merlin shook his head, his ears burning.

“Come on,” Arthur whispered, flicking his tongue along the length of Merlin’s ear. “I want you to.”

“I’m—I want to come so fucking much,” he said, his voice practically a sob as he rocked with Arthur. “I was so close earlier—you don’t even know.”

“I knew,” Arthur said, grabbing Merlin’s hips and holding them firmly against his. “That’s why I stopped.”

Merlin huffed and let his head drop to Arthur’s shoulder. “You’re such a fucking tease.”

Arthur chuckled and took a step back before pressing a deceptively sweet and chaste kiss to Merlin’s swollen lips.

“Come on,” Arthur said, holding out his hand. “I think I heard the shuttle pulling up.”

Merlin followed Arthur out the other end of the alley and realized that it had been a shortcut after all.

They were the last students to board, and the shuttle drove off before they’d even found seats. It was too full for them to sit together, so Arthur took a seat in the back while Merlin took one at the front, just behind the driver. He shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, careful to keep the extra fabric strategically placed over the bulge in his jeans.

He couldn’t believe Arthur had gotten him so close to coming in a public place— _again_. At least at the gazebo, Merlin had been aware enough of his surroundings to bring things to a stop. In the alley, all he had been able to think about was getting more of Arthur.

When the shuttle pulled up to the performing arts center, Merlin climbed out and waited for Arthur, who greeted him with a warm kiss in front of the other students who had also gotten off at their stop.

“I missed you,” Arthur said, moving in for another kiss.

Merlin smirked and stepped back before Arthur could get carried away. “Come on,” he said, setting off toward Arthur’s dorm. “You said something about a balcony, right?”

They walked in silence, Arthur occasionally knocking his shoulder into Merlin’s so that Merlin would stumble sideways on the sidewalk. It felt a bit like Arthur was pulling Merlin’s pigtails, but Merlin didn’t mind.

When they reached Arthur’s dorm, they found Gwaine in the common room, along with Lance and, to Merlin’s surprise, Gwen.

“Pen-dra-gon!” Gwaine chanted, pumping his fists in the air as Arthur and Merlin stepped inside.

“What the hell are you doing?” Arthur asked, taking in the scene.

Gwaine was sitting on the floor in front of Gwen, who was on a couch and styling his hair into dozens of tiny braids. Lance was sitting on another couch with his feet in Gwaine’s lap, and Gwaine actually seemed to be massaging them.

“Trying to get my threesome on. What the hell are _you_ doing?” Gwaine asked, grinning.

“I’m not having a threesome with you,” Lance said flatly.

“We’ll see about that.”

“ _I’m_ not having a threesome with you, either,” Gwen said.

“It’s a slow-going negotiation,” Gwaine said to Arthur. “Elyan and Percy are on their way over if you want to hang out.”

“We don’t,” Arthur said quickly, already moving toward the door to the hallway.

“Come on,” Gwaine chided. “You can keep it in your pants for five more minutes.”

Arthur glanced at Merlin, who found himself shrugging. Normally, he would be grateful for any excuse not to spend time with people he barely knew, but the weed and the wine and the presence of Gwen were doing wonders for him.

“Five minutes,” Arthur agreed before plopping down on the opposite end of the couch from Lance.

There was room between them for Merlin, but he sat next to Gwen instead. She scooted over a little, leaving room for him to join her in braiding Gwaine’s hair.

“Why are we doing this?” Merlin asked, gently taking a handful of Gwaine’s hair in his fingers and working to detangle the strands.

“I didn’t know you could talk,” Gwaine teased, glancing over his shoulder at Merlin.

Gwen smacked Gwaine on the back of the head. “What is wrong with you?”

“I was joking!” Gwaine said, rubbing the spot where Gwen had hit him.

“I told you not to.”

Merlin flushed at the thought of Gwen warning Arthur’s friends about his selective mutism. He finished the braid quickly and then shoved his hands inside the pockets of his jacket, wondering exactly what she had said about him.

Gwaine let go of Lance’s feet before getting to his knees, turning, placing his hands on Merlin’s thighs, and leaning close. He smelled like pot, and Merlin wondered how long he had gone on smoking that afternoon.

“I’m very sorry,” Gwaine said, sounding impressively sincere.

Merlin managed a small smile, which seemed to satisfy Gwaine. Gwaine pushed himself up and sat down on the other couch, draping an arm over Lance’s shoulders.

“I’m still not having a threesome with you,” Lance said as Gwaine’s fingers brushed over his shoulder.

“We’ll see.”

Lance shook his head, looking uninterested but not offended. He said something to Arthur in Spanish and Arthur responded, and the two quickly launched into a conversation that left the rest of them clueless.

“Where have you been?” Gwen asked, readjusting herself on the couch and leaning against the armrest to face him.

“Dessert,” Merlin said quietly, feeling Gwaine’s eyes on him. “We went into town.”

“That’s nice,” Gwen said encouragingly. “I missed you after the game. Where did you go?”

Merlin raised an eyebrow. “I went back to my room to nap. You definitely didn’t look like you were missing me.”

Gwen blushed and Merlin grinned. He grabbed his cell phone and typed out, _who do you like?_

Gwen blushed even harder as she read his message and Merlin laughed, thoroughly enjoying himself.

“Time’s up,” Arthur said suddenly in English. He pushed himself off the couch and looked expectantly at Merlin.

Merlin leaned forward to give Gwen a hug. “Go for the threesome,” he whispered before standing, biting down another laugh as she turned impossibly redder.

Giving Gwaine and Lance a wave, Merlin let Arthur take his hand and lead him out of the common room.

“Gwaine is a weird one,” Merlin said when they were out of earshot.

“He just gets horny when he’s bored.”

“He wasn’t actually serious about the threesome, was he?” Merlin asked, climbing up the stairs after Arthur.

Arthur shrugged. “I mean, he’d definitely do it. He knows Lance wouldn’t, though.”

“Is he bi?”

Arthur shrugged again as he unlocked the door to his room. “I think so.”

He had clearly been aiming for a casual, nonchalant tone, but he had missed by quite a lot; his discomfort was obvious as he stepped inside his room and waited for Merlin to follow.

“You _think_ so?” Merlin pressed, hovering in the doorway.

Arthur frowned and hung up his keys, avoiding eye contact.

“Have you slept with him?” Merlin guessed.

“No,” Arthur said firmly, reaching for Merlin’s arm and tugging him inside before shutting the door behind him.

“This is the second time you’ve gotten really shady when you’re trying to hide that you’ve slept with someone,” Merlin pointed out.

“I haven’t slept with him,” Arthur asserted. “And—I don’t know. Most guys don’t want to hear about… the past. I didn’t want to make you, um, uncomfortable.”

“It doesn’t make me uncomfortable,” Merlin said honestly. “I’m just curious.”

Arthur looked down at his hands, picking at his fingernails. “Blowjobs,” he said after a long moment. “Just the once, about two years ago. We were sophomores.”

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Merlin teased and stepped forward to give Arthur a kiss. “I truly do not care.”

Arthur smiled a little and leaned in for another kiss. “Okay.”

Merlin contemplated shoving Arthur against the door and seeing how far he could get before Arthur stopped them again, but he decided not to. He wasn’t sure how many more close calls he could take.

“Balcony?” he asked, taking a step back.

“Yes.” Arthur moved quickly across the room and struggled with the window for a moment before it wrenched open. “After you,” he said with a sweeping gesture.

Merlin eased himself awkwardly through the narrow space, first with one leg and then the other, until he was standing on a gently sloping roof about the size of his own room. The light in Arthur’s room went out and Arthur appeared a moment later, tugging a blanket through the window as he climbed through it.

Arthur spread out the blanket and sat, patting the spot next to him. Merlin lay down and admired the stars as Arthur settled next to him, pressing their sides together. He remembered the night earlier that week when he had sat on his windowsill, looking up at the sky and smoking a joint to forget his awkward conversation with Elyan, who had been trying to set him up with Arthur. That seemed like ages ago even though it had all happened just days before.

“Are you clean?” Arthur asked suddenly.

Merlin blinked up at the night. “I took two showers today. You were definitely in one of them.”

Arthur chuckled and knocked his foot against Merlin’s. “No, I mean… oh, sorry. That was a stupid question.”

“Yes,” Merlin agreed, tucking his arms under his head as a pillow and wondering exactly what they were talking about.

“I meant,” Arthur said, sounding pained, “clean as in no STIs.”

“Oh.” When Arthur didn’t say anything else for a while, Merlin asked, “Are you?”

“Last I checked. We should get tested, though.”

“We?” Merlin turned his head and was surprised to see Arthur blushing.

“Well…” Arthur shrugged. “I mean, I guess you don’t have to, but…”

“We can get tested,” Merlin decided. “Sounds romantic.”

Arthur chuckled again. “Very.”

“While we’re on the topic,” Merlin said, thankful for the dark and the lingering effects of the pot, “were you serious about what you said earlier?”

“You’re going to have to be more specific.”

“In the alley, what you said… about fucking me…” Merlin trailed off, uncertain.

“Are you asking if I was honestly thinking about stripping you naked and having sex with you in public? Because, no—I was not serious about that.”

Merlin smiled despite himself. “I mean… the fucking _me_ part,” he said, closing his eyes against the blush creeping up his neck.

“Are you asking if I’m a top?” Arthur asked after a moment.

“I guess.”

Arthur turned onto his side and pressed a kiss to Merlin’s cheek. “I like it both ways. Either way. Any way. What about you?”

Merlin shrugged. “I don’t know, do I?”

“But what do you _think_ you’d like?”

Merlin took a deep breath before answering, “Both, probably… eventually.”

“Yes,” Arthur said, rolling onto his back again. “Eventually. Slow is good, remember?”

Merlin nodded, relieved. He had been pretty certain that Arthur wasn’t planning for them to fuck first thing in the morning, but it was still nice to know that they were still on the same page about the pace they were going.

“Where do we go to get tested?”

“Campus Health Services. We can go on Monday, if you have time.”

Merlin thought about the nice middle-aged women that worked as the campus nurses and blushed again at the idea of talking to any of them about sex.

“How long does it take?” he asked.

“I can’t remember. I haven’t gotten tested here since freshman year, I think. Usually, I just do it when I’m home on break.”

Merlin thought about the doctor he saw in his hometown, and the notion of talking to him about sex was unappealing as well.

“Are you out to your dad?”

“Yeah,” Arthur said after a moment. “He’s not great about it, but…”

“What about your sister?”

“She’s much better about it. She was the first person I told. Well… ‘told’ is a strong word. She was the first person who found out.”

“Did she find your porn collection?” Merlin asked, laughing.

“She might have, um… seen me utilizing my porn collection.”

Merlin snorted. “Wow. Siblings sound scary.”

“Your mom never walked in on you?”

“No,” Merlin said firmly. “I was smart enough to lock the door.”

“My door didn’t have a lock,” Arthur said moodily.

“What kind of door doesn’t have a lock?”

“An old one,” Arthur said, leaving Merlin to wonder what kind of house he’d grown up in. “Are you out to your mom?” he asked before Merlin could inquire about his home.

“Yeah, I told her last summer. After, um… after my dad died.”

Merlin could see out of the corner of his eye that Arthur had turned to look at him, but he kept his gaze on the stars.

“Did he know?” Arthur asked quietly.

Merlin nodded. Arthur reached for his hand and laced their fingers together.

“We can change the subject,” Arthur offered.

Merlin nodded again, not sure what to say.

“Tell me about your friends,” Arthur suggested.

Merlin gave Arthur’s hand a squeeze as he tried to collect his thoughts. “Will’s my best friend,” he started. “We were roommates the first two years here.”

“Were you sitting with him in the anti-social room that one day?”

“Yeah,” Merlin said, surprised that he had forgotten about that. “Yeah, that was him. And there’s Gwen, obviously. She’s so fucking smart.”

“Is that what it is?”

“What do you mean?”

“Lance is absurdly picky,” Arthur explained. “I don’t know Gwen that well, but there has to be something about her that’s special or else Lance wouldn’t be as grumpy and horny as he has been lately.”

Merlin laughed. “That’s… well, yeah. Gwen is really smart. And special. I think she likes Lance, too, so maybe he won’t have to stay grumpy and horny for long.”

“Only if he makes a move.”

Merlin rubbed his fingers along the back of Arthur’s hand. “Gwen’s definitely capable of making her own moves. Might even be safer if she does.”

“What does that mean?” Arthur asked warily.

“Like… safer as in it might have a better chance of happening, and lasting, if Gwen actually likes him enough to make a move.”

“Hopefully she’s into him, then.”

“Did you study Spanish together?” Merlin guessed. “With Lance, I mean.”

“No, his family’s from Mexico. They moved here when he was like 3, I think.”

“How many languages do you speak?” Merlin asked, hoping he’d get a real answer this time.

“Just French and Spanish.”

“Then how did you end up in Romania and Italy?”

Arthur shrugged. “Because I… am interested in Romance languages. I know _some_ Romanian and Italian. I can get by. I just mean that French and Spanish are the ones I’m most fluent in. Probably because I started learning them when I was really young.”

“And you have a Portuguese-English dictionary,” Merlin said, remembering Arthur’s bookshelf.

“Yeah… like I said, Romance languages.”

“You get all prickly when you talk about things that are personal.”

“What?”

“When I ask about guys you’ve slept with or languages you speak… you get all prickly like you don’t want to share anything about something that actually matters to you.”

“Sorry,” Arthur muttered, scrubbing his free hand over his face. “I didn’t realize I was doing it.”

“I don’t mind,” Merlin said. He gave Arthur’s hand a squeeze. “It’s kind of funny.”

“Your face is funny,” Arthur retorted lamely.

Merlin turned onto his side to give Arthur a kiss. “Yours, too.”

Arthur rolled closer, licking across Merlin’s lower lip and then into his mouth. Merlin moaned as his body lit up again.

“You’re lucky this roof is so uncomfortable,” Merlin said, his voice shaky as Arthur sucked a fresh bruise just below his ear, “otherwise I’d turn you over and fuck you right here.”

Arthur chuckled, low and deep, before pressing a kiss to Merlin’s jaw. “That was good.”

Merlin blushed and ran his fingers through Arthur’s hair, trying to keep his body from tipping too close to the edge even as Arthur continued kissing around his neck and ears.

“Arthur,” he warned when Arthur pressed a palm to the bulge in his pants.

Arthur huffed and gave him a hard kiss. “You are making this impossible,” he said, actually whining.

“You’re the one who wanted to wait,” Merlin reminded him. “I am _very_ ready.”

Arthur grinned and turned on his back, taking a deep breath. “It’ll be worth the wait,” he promised. “Want to go back in?”

“To do what?” Merlin asked warily, thinking it would become actually impossible to keep waiting if they were any closer to Arthur’s bed.

“We could go see what’s going on in the common room. Do you know Percy?”

“I don’t think so.”

Arthur propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at Merlin. “Do you want to? We don’t have to. I know you don’t… necessarily like hanging out with people.”

“I do,” Merlin said, frowning. “I’m just bad with new people.”

“How long do people stay ‘new’ for you?” Merlin blushed in response, and Arthur leaned down to kiss him. “I promise my friends don’t bite.”

“I know,” Merlin muttered.

“What do you say?”

Merlin took a deep breath, looking up at Arthur’s bright eyes, and nodded.

Arthur grinned and got to his feet. He helped Merlin up and then gathered the blanket, shoving it through the window before climbing back into his room. Merlin followed, stepping awkwardly on a pile of Arthur’s homework as Arthur turned the lights back on.

“Would beer help?” Arthur asked, opening his mini-fridge.

“No, thanks. Um… can I meet you down there?” Merlin asked, taking a step toward Arthur’s bathroom.

“Promise you’re not going to drown yourself or climb out the window to escape?”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Yes.”

“Okay.” Arthur pulled out several bottles of beer and gave Merlin a kiss before heading down to the common room.

Merlin locked himself in Arthur’s bathroom and stood in the shower, his face burning as he jerked off with his jeans pushed down on his thighs. He couldn’t help himself—he _needed_ to come. He’d been so close so many times, and it had finally gotten to be too much.

He came quickly and with a muffled grunt, his free hand stuffed in his mouth, trying not to slide too far down the wall as the muscles in his legs trembled.

God, he wanted to get off with Arthur so badly it was driving him a little mad.

When he had his breathing back under control, Merlin stepped out of the shower to properly relieve himself. He washed his hands when he was done and then turned on the shower for a few seconds, letting his come wash down the drain.

There were some people he didn’t know in the kitchen when he went downstairs, and the rest of the common room was empty, so Merlin checked out the back door and saw everyone crammed into the gazebo.

Lance was cuddled together with Gwen, his arm draped not-so-casually around her shoulders. Gwaine was next to them but seemed to be focusing on Elena, who had also joined the group. Elyan was sandwiched between her and an enormous guy Merlin recognized from the rugby team, presumably Percy. Arthur was sitting on the opposite end from Lance and Gwen, one beer in his hand, another tucked between his legs, and the rest at his feet.

“Scooch over,” Arthur said, shoving against Percy’s large side as Merlin approached.

Percy obliged, squeezing Elyan even more, and Arthur shifted over until there was enough space next to him for a small child.

Merlin eyed the spot skeptically, but Arthur grabbed his hand, pulling him down. Merlin wedged himself between the gazebo’s gate post and Arthur’s hip, wondering why they weren’t inside on the four couches where everyone would have plenty of room.

“Merlin’s turn,” Gwaine said, leaning forward and holding out a glass pipe.

Merlin accepted it, along with Gwaine’s lighter, and took a long hit. It was the same strong-smelling pot Gwaine had given him that afternoon, and he had to struggle again to hold it in and not cough.

“You should shotgun Arthur,” Gwaine suggested as Merlin passed off the bowl to Elyan.

Merlin looked at Arthur, who was already leaning closer. Wondering what had gotten into him to agree to do this in front of other people, Merlin pressed his lips to Arthur’s and then parted them slowly, letting the smoke drift out of his mouth and into Arthur’s.

Arthur only held it in for a second before exhaling with a wide smile. He draped an arm around Merlin’s shoulders and leaned comfortably back against the gazebo, apparently thinking nothing of their display.

Merlin glanced at Gwen, who was grinning, and then stared down at his own hands, waiting for everyone to turn their attention to something else before he looked up again. When he did, everyone was watching Percy blow smoke rings.

Merlin quickly got distracted from any lingering anxiety by Percy’s bulging muscles; he wondered how Percy’s shirt was even staying on because it honestly looked like it would burst open with any sudden movements.

He lost count of how many more times the piece got passed to him over the course of the night. Gwaine repacked it at least once that he saw, but the pot supply seemed to be endless. Only Arthur abstained, sticking to his beer, but Merlin was pretty sure it was getting to his head anyway, what with the shotgunning and all the smoke constantly being blown into the middle of the gazebo for everyone to inhale.

Merlin had no idea how much time had passed when Gwaine and Elena finally excused themselves.

“Are they going out?” Gwen asked when they’d disappeared back inside the dorm.

“Gwaine doesn’t ‘go out,’” Arthur said, opening another beer.

“He likes her, though,” Percy said, his voice husky from smoking.

“Who wouldn’t?” Arthur asked. He pulled Merlin close and pressed a kiss to Merlin’s temple, as though worried Merlin might misinterpret his words and get jealous.

Gwen stifled a yawn, and everyone watched as Lance did his best to nonchalantly remove his arm from around her shoulders.

“Walk me home?” she asked.

Lance nodded, looking a little stunned, and stood up with her. She gave everyone a hug—and Merlin a kiss on the cheek—and followed Lance away from Arthur’s dorm and toward the other end of campus.

“That’s promising,” Merlin said. He could feel Elyan’s and Percy’s eyes on him, watching him speak for the first time since entering the gazebo, but he ignored them.

“Cheers.” Arthur took a long drink of his beer and dragged his arm off Merlin’s shoulders. “Want to head in?”

Merlin nodded despite feeling like he never wanted to move again and let Arthur pull him up off the bench.

“Gentlemen,” Arthur said, giving a clumsy, off-balance bow to Elyan and Percy. “Enjoy your evening.”

Elyan and Percy gave half-hearted farewells as Arthur and Merlin stumbled out of the gazebo and back into the dorm.

“I like your friends,” Merlin said, reaching out for Arthur’s hand as they crossed the kitchen and headed for the stairs. “They’re funny.”

“They’re pretty damn great,” Arthur agreed. He made it up the stairs without tripping over himself but then struggled with his keys for a long moment before he could open his door. “I think I’m drunk,” he admitted, shrugging out of his coat and dropping it on the floor.

“I am extremely stoned,” Merlin said, kicking the door shut behind himself.

Arthur eyed him for a few seconds and then pressed him against the door, giving him a long, wet kiss. Merlin hummed contentedly, wrapping his arms around Arthur’s neck and letting the kiss go on and on and on until he felt like he could happily drown in Arthur’s lips.

“Did you jerk off before you came down to the gazebo?” Arthur asked, breaking the kiss to lick up Merlin’s ear.

“Sorry,” Merlin breathed, his hands loose in Arthur’s hair.

Arthur chuckled and tugged on Merlin’s earlobe with his teeth. “You’ll have to make it up to me.”

Merlin immediately lowered a hand to Arthur’s crotch, but Arthur grabbed his wrist and pinned his hand to the door instead.

“Sorry,” Merlin said again, remembering through the fog of the weed that Arthur wanted to wait until the morning.

Arthur grinned and gave Merlin another kiss before stepping back. “Let’s go to bed—we’re both a mess right now.”

Merlin glanced around, trying to remember when he’d come over and if he’d brought pajamas.

“Did I bring anything?” he asked.

Arthur bent down and tugged Merlin’s backpack out from where it had wedged under his bed. He left Merlin to change and went into the bathroom. After a few minutes, Merlin heard the shower turn on, and he wondered idly if Arthur was jerking off, too. He was pretty sure he should have an opinion about that one way or another, but he was too tired and relaxed and happy to care.

Merlin settled himself under Arthur’s covers and was nearly asleep by the time Arthur emerged from the bathroom, clad in another pair of short shorts and with dripping-wet hair.

“You look good in my bed,” Arthur said as he scrubbed a towel over his head.

“You look good in all the places,” Merlin said sleepily, stretching to keep himself awake. “All the time.”

Arthur smirked and flicked off the lights before crawling into bed. He wrapped an arm around Merlin’s middle and planted a sloppy kiss on the corner of Merlin’s mouth.

“Thank you for dessert.”

Merlin yawned and tucked his head under Arthur’s chin, listening to Arthur’s heart beating so close he felt like he might be able to reach out and touch it, and fell asleep.

 

~~0~~

 

Merlin woke up to the sound of Arthur snoring somewhere incredibly nearby. He groaned and opened one eye, thinking it was probably the middle of the night and he was about to have several more restless, uncomfortable hours of not being able to sleep.

He was surprised to find that it was light out, the sun shining on the wall next to his head. He’d slept straight through the night, likely due to Gwaine’s weed and the wine he’d had with dessert.

He was on his back, one side pressed against the wall, and Arthur’s head was on his chest. Merlin opened both eyes and looked down to see his own arm wrapped around Arthur’s back, one of Arthur’s legs hitched over his hip, and Arthur’s arm curled around his chest.

They were cuddling—Arthur was clinging to him and Merlin was holding on, too—and they’d slept through the whole night that way.

Smiling, Merlin stretched as best as he could, arching his back a few inches off the bed and trying to work out a kink in his neck.

Arthur snorted and then went quiet.

Merlin stilled, worried he’d woken Arthur up. After a long moment, Arthur began snoring again, and Merlin slid his fingers into Arthur’s hair, playing with it and watching the way the sunlight hit it at all the right angles.

His thoughts drifted back to the first time he’d seen Arthur in the dining hall. Arthur had looked so golden and perfect and untouchable. And yet, here they were, not even two weeks later, with Arthur as golden as ever and neither of them perfect, but both of them very much touching.

He yawned and Arthur quieted again. Just as he decided that Arthur was probably still asleep, Arthur’s grip on him tightened. Arthur squeezed Merlin warmly, his arm and leg pressing into Merlin and his face buried against Merlin’s chest.

Merlin said nothing and continued playing with Arthur’s hair, happy to let Arthur drift off again and sleep on top of him all morning.

“You smell like pot,” Arthur said, his voice low and gravely.

“Sorry,” Merlin whispered.

Arthur curled into Merlin with a low groan before rolling onto his back with a loud sigh.

“Good morning,” he said, turning to press a kiss to Merlin’s cheek.

“Morning,” Merlin said as he stretched properly, his fingers and toes tingling as he woke up more. “How did you sleep?”

“Like a fucking rock. You?”

“Same.” Merlin turned onto his side and leaned his forehead against Arthur’s bare shoulder. “What time is it?”

Arthur dropped his arm to the floor and brought it back up a few seconds later, holding his cell phone. “Nearly eleven. Shit.”

“What time did we come in last night?”

“I have no idea,” Arthur admitted. “Probably… past 2am, I think.”

Merlin hummed and closed his eyes. Arthur’s room was so cozy, and Arthur himself was so warm; it was tempting to go back to sleep despite feeling well-rested.

“Do you want breakfast?” Arthur asked.

“Dining hall?” Merlin rolled onto his back again.

“I think I have some eggs. How do you like them?”

“How can you make them?”

“Scrambled,” Arthur said, laughing.

“Works for me.”

Arthur stretched, groaning obscenely, and rolled out of bed. He went straight for his bathroom, leaving Merlin to stare up at the ceiling.

Merlin pulled the covers tighter around himself, trying to keep some of Arthur’s golden warmth on him. By the time Arthur emerged again, he had almost fallen back asleep. He watched as Arthur stripped out of the tiny shorts, not self-conscious in the slightest, and pulled on a clean pair of boxer briefs.

Arthur hummed to himself as he dressed, a tune he was probably just making up as he went along, or at least one that Merlin didn’t recognize. Finally, clad in well-fitting jeans and a sweatshirt, Arthur opened his mini-fridge and pulled out a carton of eggs and the rest of the bread from the night before.

“Get dressed,” he said, leaning over the bed to give Merlin a kiss. “Meet me downstairs. And, after breakfast, I’ll suck your brains out through your cock.”

Merlin shuddered slightly as Arthur’s words fritzed down his spine like an electric shock. Arthur left and Merlin felt glued to the bed, the reality of the situation sinking over him like a weighted, stiflingly hot blanket.

It was finally morning. Arthur was finally going to let this happen.

Merlin’s stomach flipped and he suddenly felt sick. The room was too bright, he was too sober, he had too much advance notice—he was nervous. He felt paralyzed, trapped under the covers, and struggled to breathe as his heart kicked into high gear.

Forcing himself to move, Merlin flung back Arthur’s sheets and sat up. He took a deep, shuddering breath and got to his feet, locking the door before shedding his clothes and getting into Arthur’s shower.

He rinsed off the stale, smoky smell of the night before, replacing it with the clean, slightly fruity smell of Arthur’s shampoo, and forced himself to think only of what he was doing. He was cleaning himself, washing his hair, drying off, getting dressed. He was moving through the morning one step at a time and would—and _could_ —continue to do so. It was just a morning. Just a bright, quiet, lovely Sunday morning.

When he entered the kitchen, he found Arthur already sitting at one of the tables with two plates of scrambled eggs and toast and two steaming mugs. Merlin sat down opposite him and tried to focus on the part of his stomach that was hungry instead of nauseous.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d want tea,” Arthur said, holding out two teabags for Merlin to choose from.

Merlin picked the decaf bag and dropped it into his mug to steep. Trying to act calm and normal, he took a bite of the eggs; they were good—Arthur seemed to have seasoned them with something.

“What kind of music do you like?” Arthur asked suddenly.

Merlin startled slightly at the random question. He shrugged and took a bite of his toast.

“No music at all?” Arthur teased.

Merlin pulled his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his music collection until he found the ‘L’ artists. He handed his phone over and Arthur took it curiously.

“Lady Gaga?” he asked, smirking. “Really?”

Merlin narrowed his eyes, daring Arthur to judge his tastes.

“She’s a classic,” Arthur decided, handing Merlin’s phone back.

Merlin nodded and went back to his breakfast as some other students came into the common room and settled on the couches to watch a movie.

“Are you… not talking?” Arthur asked quietly.

Merlin shrugged, feeling his ears burning under the scrutiny of Arthur’s gaze.

“I can talk,” Arthur volunteered, smiling easily. “If you like dance music, you should check out this British band called Years & Years. Their singer is gay, so the lyrics can get pretty queer. Or, um, the Magnetic Fields. They’re not usually dance-y but the main singer is also gay, and he writes some love songs that are pretty clearly about other men. Or… oh, there’s Ezra Furman, who’s pretty interesting and definitely queer.”

Merlin sipped at his tea as Arthur rambled on, endeared by the fact that Arthur seemed to go out of his way to listen to—or at least know about—gay music and musicians.

By the time they’d both finished their breakfasts, Arthur had gone on to list all the queer-themed films he’d watched since starting college and had started talking about the various gay podcasts he’d discovered over the summer.

“Want to head back up?” Arthur asked, leaning back in his chair and stretching.

Merlin shrugged, tracing the rim of his mug with a fingertip.

“Go on,” Arthur said gently. “I’ll join you in a minute.” He stood and grabbed the plates and mugs before Merlin could protest.

Merlin watched as Arthur dumped everything into the sink, and then he went back up to Arthur’s room. He hid in the bathroom for a few minutes, trying to focus on his breathing and calm his nervous stomach.

When he heard Arthur making an unnecessary amount of noise, he finally went back out into the room to find Arthur pretending to reorganize the bookshelves. Before he could do anything more than raise an eyebrow, Arthur pressed him against the bathroom door frame and kissed him.

It wasn’t hungry and desperate like Merlin had expected, but slow and soft and coaxing. Merlin found himself getting dizzy; he clung to Arthur as the room tilted around them and everything narrowed down to the space between their lips.

“Nervous?” Arthur asked, pushing his fingers under Merlin’s shirt to hold onto Merlin’s bare skin.

Merlin nodded, trying to catch his breath.

“Don’t be,” Arthur whispered. He tugged on Merlin’s lower lip with his teeth and Merlin let out an embarrassing keening noise. “If…” He paused, staring so hard at Merlin that Merlin felt frozen to the spot. “We don’t have to,” he said quietly. “If you’re not ready, if you want to keep waiting—I don’t mind.”

Merlin shook his head without even thinking about it.

“No? Are you sure? We really… I don’t want this to be something stressful.”

Merlin shook his head again, knowing that no amount of waiting could make this less stressful. It was something he was just going to have to _do_.

When Arthur stayed put, still searching Merlin’s face with his intense gaze, Merlin realized that he was waiting. He was letting Merlin set the pace, letting Merlin call the shots, letting Merlin make the next move—the first move.

So, Merlin did the only thing he could think of. He pulled Arthur in for a kiss—a hungry and desperate one—and set about getting Arthur out of those jeans. Arthur immediately tried to do the same for Merlin, making it difficult for either of them to actually achieve their goal because there were just too many hands too close to each other.

“Bed?” Arthur asked when he’d finally managed to undo Merlin’s button and fly.

Merlin pulled off Arthur’s sweatshirt and the t-shirt underneath it and brushed his thumbs across Arthur’s nipples, smiling at the way they pebbled under his touch.

“Come on.” Arthur grabbed Merlin’s hand and tugged him over to the bed.

Arthur lay down first and pulled Merlin down on top of him, immediately moving in for another kiss. Merlin let himself focus on that for a while, enjoying the slide of Arthur’s tongue against his own and the feeling of Arthur’s bare chest under his hands and the impatient way Arthur’s hips were shifting against him.

Eventually, when Arthur’s kisses grew sharper, Merlin reached down to finish unzipping Arthur’s fly. He guided Arthur’s legs around his waist so they were in the reverse position from the previous night—Arthur on his back and Merlin hovering over him, their hard cocks pressed together through their underwear.

Arthur moaned appreciatively as Merlin ducked down to kiss his neck. He tangled his fingers in Merlin’s hair, tugging slightly as their hips rocked together.

Arthur seemed to be trying to keep the pace slow, but Merlin couldn’t stop himself from thrusting harder and faster against Arthur, the pressure and the friction completely addicting. He lost track of what he was doing to Arthur’s neck and simply panted against it as his muscles wound tighter and the sounds he and Arthur were both making started blurring together in his ears.

“Slow down,” Arthur said, pushing at Merlin’s chest.

Merlin bit back a whine as Arthur pushed hard enough to separate their bodies. He had been so close.

Arthur was panting and he shoved a hand into his boxer briefs, apparently gripping the base of his cock. Merlin’s mouth went dry at the sight of Arthur touching himself. He licked his lips, dizzy again with how much _he_ wanted to be the one with a hand around Arthur’s cock.

“Switch,” Arthur said, breathlessly.

Merlin raised an eyebrow, not understanding. Arthur moved so quickly that he didn’t have a chance to resist, and then he was on his back with Arthur leaning over him.

They looked at each other for a long moment and Merlin flushed under Arthur’s gaze.

Slowly, Arthur sat up and set himself on Merlin’s thighs, still holding eye contact.

“What do you want to do?” Arthur asked, dragging his fingers down Merlin’s sides.

Merlin shook his head, not caring. He wanted everything—anything.

Arthur licked his lips and pushed Merlin’s shirt up, tugging it off Merlin’s head and dropping it on the floor. He leaned down and licked across one of Merlin’s nipples before tugging on it—gently, but not gently enough—with his teeth.

Merlin cried out and grabbed at Arthur’s hair. Arthur chuckled and sat back up, looking smug. He stood and shucked his remaining clothes quickly, his cock jerking as he freed it. Then, ungracefully, he leaned over and tugged off Merlin’s jeans and briefs.

Merlin bit down on his lip as Arthur straddled him again. They were naked, they were hard, and they were actually doing this.

He could feel his heart starting to race again, so he propped himself up on one elbow and reached for Arthur’s cock with his other hand before he could get too nervous. It fit comfortably in his grip, and it was hot and smooth to the touch.

Smiling, Merlin gave it a few experimental tugs, bewildered at how similar and yet different it felt to when he touched himself.

Arthur pushed his hand away just as he was finding his rhythm. “I’m going first,” he said, his voice deep and possessive.

Merlin shivered at the power in that voice, reminded of the assertive, confident version of Arthur he’d seen during the rugby match.

Arthur leaned down for a rough kiss, and Merlin got so caught up in it that he had almost— _almost_ —forgotten where they were and what they were doing when Arthur finally wrapped a hand around his cock.

Merlin gasped and dug his fingernails into Arthur’s back, wishing Arthur was still wearing a shirt so he could have something to grab on to. Arthur’s hand was sure, his grip tight, and his rhythm slow but steady. He twisted his hand with every few strokes, his fingers brushing over the sensitive underside of Merlin’s cock, and Merlin could barely stand it.

He tried to distract himself as Arthur deepened the kiss and stroked him a little faster. He thought about the smell of Arthur’s shampoo and the fact that Arthur tasted a little like scrambled eggs; he thought about the braids he had put into Gwaine’s hair the night before and the mud everyone had been covered in after the rugby game.

It was no use. Every time Arthur’s fingers twisted over the head of his cock, Merlin was ripped from his thoughts. Arthur sped up again, holding him tighter and moving down to nip at his neck, and, very shortly, Merlin was losing his grip on reality.

He was going to come—his body was wound so tight, and everything Arthur was doing felt so good, felt too good not to come—but it was too soon. _It was too soon._

Merlin shoved Arthur away as hard as he could, panting and trying to bite down a moan as his cock continued twitching and straining toward release.

“What…”

Merlin gulped and opened his eyes, immediately wishing that he’d kept them closed. Arthur looked wrecked and beautiful; he was flushed, his gaze unfocused and his lips red and swollen. His hair was sticking up in every direction—had Merlin been tugging on it?—and the sun was shining on him at just the right angle, making him glow.

The sight was too much, so Merlin looked away, looked down at himself and the wet mess of precome on his stomach. His cock was red but already softening from his panic, looking pathetic and a little disappointed.

“Are you okay?” Arthur asked.

Merlin looked back up, focusing his gaze somewhere near Arthur’s chin, and nodded.

“What’s wrong?”

Merlin shook his head, closing his eyes again. He had completely ruined this. Arthur had tried so hard to make it special—he’d waited so long and promised so much—and Merlin had messed it all up.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Arthur asked quietly.

Merlin took a deep breath and opened his eyes. He held out his hand, and Arthur stared at him blankly for a moment before leaning over the edge of the bed and pulling Merlin’s phone out of his jeans pocket. He handed it over and watched as Merlin typed out a message.

_just trying not to embarrass myself. #nailedit_

Arthur took the phone when Merlin was done and read it over. His expression stayed blank for a long moment, but then he frowned and dropped Merlin’s phone back onto the floor.

“You’re ridiculous,” he said, poking Merlin in the belly button. “I _want_ you to come. That’s the whole point of this!”

Merlin bit his lip and shook his head.

“You’ve already lasted longer than I did my first time,” Arthur said, smirking.

Merlin rolled his eyes and shook his head again.

“You were the one who said, and I quote, ‘I want to come so fucking much.’ Or have you changed your mind?” Arthur leaned down and licked across Merlin’s bottom lip. “Please?” he asked, his voice low and private and sexy. “I want to make you come. I want you to come for me. I want to see you falling apart with my name on your lips.”

Merlin bit down a whimper, his cock jerking with renewed interest.

“Maybe next time, I’ll tie you down so you can’t stop me halfway through like an idiot. I’ll take my time, learning every inch of your body with my tongue and making you _beg_ for it.” Arthur licked into Merlin’s ear. “You’ll have tears in your eyes from how hard and desperate you are, from how much you want to come—how much you _need_ to come. But I’ll go slowly…”

As Arthur continued speaking, he trailed his fingers lightly down Merlin’s stomach, inching toward Merlin’s cock. “So slowly that you’ll be out of your goddamn mind with how much you can’t stand it. And then, I’ll make you come so hard you won’t even be able to remember your own name.”

Merlin shuddered, his cock hard and aching again just from Arthur’s words.

Arthur wrapped his hand around Merlin’s cock but didn’t stroke it. Instead, he rubbed the pad of his thumb in small circles around the underside of its head, making Merlin jerk and gasp.

“Do you want me to suck you?” Arthur asked huskily.

Merlin nodded without really registering the meaning of the question, his whole body tense against the movements of Arthur’s thumb. He was already so close again; strange sensations were sparking through his fingers and toes as a warning, but, this time, he wasn’t going to give in to them.

“Don’t move.”

Suddenly, Arthur was gone and Merlin found himself cold and naked on the bed, his heart pounding and his cock throbbing angrily at the loss of touch. He looked around to see Arthur disappearing into the bathroom.

Before he could wonder what was going on, Arthur appeared again, holding two small foil packets.

“Just until we get tested,” Arthur explained, settling between Merlin’s legs.

Merlin bit his lip, anxiety settling back in his chest as things slowed down again. Arthur ripped open the first packet and squeezed some lube out of it. He spread it over the tip of Merlin’s cock, smiling as he did so.

“You’re really sexy, did you know that?” he asked, wiping his hand off on Merlin’s stomach.

Merlin raised an eyebrow.

“You are—trust me.” Arthur opened the other packet and, after getting a nod of permission from Merlin, rolled the condom down over Merlin’s cock. “Will you let me know if you don’t like what I’m doing?”

Merlin raised his eyebrow again. He doubted there was anything Arthur could do that he wouldn’t like.

“I’m serious,” Arthur said, holding onto Merlin’s thighs. “I don’t want you to freak out again—especially if it means you might rip out my hair this time.”

Merlin thought he might actually end up kicking Arthur in that position instead.

“How about this? Knock on the wall three times if you want me to stop.” Arthur demonstrated, his knuckles rapping sharply against the wall. “Okay?”

Merlin nodded, the tightness in his chest loosening a little. When Arthur didn’t move, he knocked on the wall three times to show that he was on board with the plan.

Arthur grinned and wrapped his hand around Merlin’s cock, giving it a few short tugs. He leaned down, but, instead of putting his mouth over the condom, he kissed Merlin’s belly button and then up the rest of Merlin’s chest.

“After we get tested,” he said, his mouth pressed to Merlin’s ear as he worked his hand over Merlin’s cock, “I’m going to spend an entire day sucking you dry. No condoms—just your cock in my mouth.”

Merlin nodded, squirming and digging his fingers into Arthur’s sides. He wanted that—he wanted everything. Anything Arthur wanted to do, anything Arthur wanted to give him, he would take it.

Arthur sucked harshly on a spot just above Merlin’s collarbone and Merlin huffed, lifting his hips. He felt the head of his cock slide against the length of Arthur’s, and, for a moment, his mind went blank.

When he came back to himself the next moment, Arthur was licking across what Merlin suspected was a new hickey on his neck. Nervously biting his lip and reminding himself that Arthur was safe and trustworthy and apparently interested in this, Merlin pushed on Arthur’s shoulders until Arthur took the hint and kissed a trail back down his chest.

Arthur’s grip tightened for a moment, and then Merlin felt Arthur’s tongue licking at the head of his cock through the condom. Merlin let out a mortifyingly high-pitched whine, but Arthur didn’t seem to mind—he only licked faster and with more pressure. When he sank his mouth down around Merlin’s cock, Merlin came without warning.

Arthur sucked him through it, stroking the base of his cock and making delicious, encouraging sounds.

Merlin couldn’t even breathe. His body was thrumming, throbbing, thumping, thudding with shocks and sparks and streams of pleasure rippling through him, rendering him limp and useless and spent.

“Holy shit,” Arthur muttered.

Merlin managed to open one eye through the haze. Arthur was sitting between his legs, looking stunned. Merlin glanced down at his cock, still hard and pulsing slightly in the condom.

Arthur surged over him, capturing his lips in a bruising kiss and not pulling back until they were both breathless.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Arthur whispered, panting against Merlin’s lips. “Was that—was that good? Was that okay?”

Merlin nodded emphatically before drawing Arthur in for another kiss, licking into his mouth despite the strange taste of the condom on his tongue.

“Wait,” Arthur said, sitting back up. He pulled the condom off Merlin’s still-hard cock, tied it loosely at the base, and flung it into his trash can. Then he leaned down and kissed Merlin hard. “So fucking hot,” he said again.

Merlin grinned and wiggled out from under Arthur, pushing him onto his back. Arthur wrapped an arm around Merlin’s shoulder as he lay on his side and reached for Arthur’s cock.

“Are you sure?” Arthur asked, grabbing Merlin’s wrist.

Merlin bit Arthur’s bottom lip, pulling back slowly, and Arthur let go of Merlin’s wrist with a low groan.

Arthur’s cock was impossibly hard in Merlin’s grip, and, suddenly, Merlin imagined himself above Arthur, that stiff cock buried in his ass. He wanted to tell Arthur what he was thinking—wanted to tease Arthur with dirty talk the same way Arthur had done for him—but he couldn’t find his voice. Instead, he tightened his grip and started twisting his hand in imitation of Arthur’s technique.

“Fuck, that’s good,” Arthur said, lifting his hips. “I’m—God, I’m not going to last.”

Moments later, Arthur cried out and dug his fingers into Merlin’s shoulder as his cock pulsed in Merlin’s hand, coming in great streaks over his chest. Merlin watched in awe as Arthur came with no shame and no remorse, barely two minutes into the handjob.

“God, that felt good,” Arthur said weakly, his cock already softening in Merlin’s grip.

Merlin grinned and kissed Arthur gently as he gave Arthur’s cock a few last tugs.

“Well,” Arthur said, pressing a sweet kiss to the tip of Merlin’s nose. “That was nice.”

Merlin smiled and watched, amused, as Arthur’s hand hovered over his chest as if he were about to start tracing patterns in his own come. After a moment, he spit into his palm instead and reached out to stroke Merlin’s cock—still hard, still ready, still wanting—his movements slick and easy.

Merlin shivered and pressed his face against Arthur’s neck, trying to breathe as Arthur’s hand worked him over quickly and expertly. He fell apart again in no time at all, coming over Arthur’s hip with a jerk and a groan, the peak softer but somehow longer. Arthur continued stroking him, his fingers gentle and sure, until Merlin pushed his hand away, thoroughly overstimulated.

They stayed still for a long while, Arthur tracing patterns on Merlin’s shoulder and Merlin holding onto Arthur’s side as he tried to come back to himself.

“You okay?” Arthur asked eventually.

Merlin nodded and lifted his head for a kiss. “More than okay,” he whispered. “Thank you.”

Arthur grinned, his eyes bright, and gave Merlin another kiss. “Shower?”

Merlin nodded and let Arthur pull him up and out of the bed.

They washed quickly—mostly rinsing off sweat and come—and then made out under the stream, exploring each other lazily until the water was no longer hot.

“I think I need to go do homework,” Merlin said guiltily as he dried off afterwards. “I haven’t done any of the reading for my class tomorrow.”

“I’m a bad influence.”

“The worst. Oomph!” Merlin grunted as Arthur pinned him against the dresser and kissed him.

“I’ll miss you.”

Merlin grinned and dropped his towel to the floor, letting their damp, naked bodies press against each other.

“A _lot_ ,” Arthur said.

“I’m sure you’ll survive.” Merlin gave Arthur a kiss before pushing him away and getting dressed.

“I was thinking of going to the library,” Arthur said, pulling on his boxer briefs. “Do you want to come?”

Merlin didn’t normally study in the library, and he had a feeling that Arthur would distract him, but he didn’t want to turn down the invitation.

“Yeah,” Merlin agreed. “I have to get my book and my laptop, though.”

“If you wait for me to get dressed, I can come with you.”

Merlin pulled on his shirt and sat on Arthur’s bed to tie his shoes and wait for Arthur to finish getting ready.

It took a while, but, finally, Arthur was dressed and had his homework packed in his bag. They went downstairs and through the common room, where Lance was sitting on one of the couches and watching a hockey game.

Arthur walked over to say hello but stopped dead in his tracks when he got closer to the couch. Merlin followed, curious, and found that Gwaine was lying across the couch as well, his head in Lance’s lap.

“You didn’t actually have a threesome last night, did you?” Arthur asked.

Gwaine laughed and threw the book he was reading at Arthur’s head. Arthur caught it deftly and dropped it onto Gwaine’s crotch.

“We did _not_ have a threesome,” Lance said. “Elena dumped him, so I’m giving him a comfort cuddle.”

Gwaine rolled his eyes. “Thanks, babe.”

“What happened with Elena?” Arthur asked.

Gwaine shrugged and opened his book up again. “She wanted something more serious. I didn’t, so… it ended.”

Arthur frowned. “You should go for it,” he said. “She’s perfect for you.”

Gwaine shrugged again and went back to reading. Lance gave Arthur a pointed look, and Arthur sighed in frustration.

“Well,” he said, taking Merlin’s hand, “we’re going to the library.”

“Have fun,” Lance called after them as they left.

“What’s up with Gwaine?” Merlin asked when they were outside.

“He’s just being difficult. He’s obviously into Elena, but… Lance will talk some sense into him.”

“Does Lance always offer ‘comfort cuddles’ to you guys?”

Arthur laughed. “No. They’re just being weirdos.”

“Rugby players are all weirdos,” Merlin decided.

“Accurate,” Arthur agreed.

They managed to get in and out of Merlin’s dorm with minimal distractions—save for Arthur making out with Merlin against his door—and then they headed to the library. They found two of the coveted comfy chairs on the second floor free and grabbed them quickly, dropping their bags on the table between them.

Merlin pulled out his book—he’d left his laptop in his room so he’d have an excuse to go home at the end of the night, and because he had a hard time writing in front of other people—and propped his feet up on the table, kicking his bag to the floor.

“What are you reading?” Arthur asked as he pulled out his own work.

Merlin showed him the cover.

“Borges,” Arthur said, eyebrows raised. “I’ve read him in the original Spanish.”

Merlin leaned forward to whack Arthur on the head with the book.

Arthur laughed and leaned back in his own chair, leaving Merlin to read in peace.

The quiet only lasted a few minutes. Just as Merlin was getting into the book, a note fell into his lap. Merlin looked up, but Arthur was pretending to read, holding his book up to hide his face.

Merlin unfolded the note.

_I can’t stop thinking about your cock_

Merlin flushed and folded the note back up quickly in case anyone tried to read it over his shoulder as they walked by. He crumpled it into a ball and chucked it, satisfied with the way it bounced off Arthur’s forehead.

He returned to his reading, and a half hour passed before another note dropped into his lap. Merlin unfolded it warily.

_I can’t stop thinking about your lips, either. You’re my favorite person I’ve ever kissed_

Merlin read the note a few times, flushing again. His heart was fluttering in his chest, spreading warmth all over, at the thought of how much Arthur liked him.

He took in Arthur’s handwriting—small and neat—and then grabbed a pen out of his backpack to scribble a response.

_I love your smile_

He blushed harder as he wrote it and made sure to fold the note tightly to hide his message. He flicked it across the table at Arthur and hid behind his book, his ears burning.

Arthur’s response came quickly.

_I love your ass. I can’t wait to taste it_

Merlin’s mouth dropped open at that. He had no idea if Arthur was serious or not, but he certainly wasn’t going to ask. He balled up the note as small as he could and leaned across the table, making a slam dunk motion as he bounced it off Arthur’s head again.

Arthur laughed, picked the note off the floor, and ate it.

“Rugby players are all weirdos,” Merlin said, more certain than ever.

Arthur winked and went back to his homework. Merlin tried to return to his reading, but he had a hard time concentrating—he couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of Arthur rimming him. It wasn’t something he had ever seriously considered before; he knew that people did it, and he had seen it in porn, but he had never thought about it as something that he really wanted. But now, confronted with the very real possibility of Arthur’s wide, full lips pressed between his cheeks, of Arthur’s skilled tongue doing whatever it was a tongue did down there, of how impossibly intimate it would be—Merlin couldn’t deny he wanted that.

He set his book down and went to the bathroom to run cold water over his wrists.

When Merlin came back, Arthur was draped sideways in his armchair, his back pressed against one of the armrests and his legs dangling over the other. He had his laptop propped up on his thighs and he was frowning as he typed, looking completely unbothered by the filthy note he’d written mere minutes before.

Merlin pushed the small table right up against Arthur’s chair and then pushed his own chair right up against the table. He sat down and lifted his legs up, managing to wedge his feet in the space between the back of Arthur’s thighs and the armrest.

Arthur flashed Merlin a grin before returning to his work, which Merlin took to be a sign that the games were over. Merlin settled in with his book, pushing aside as many thoughts about sex as he could manage, and did his best to focus.

Whenever Arthur took a break from typing to re-read his work or check something in one of his books, he would drop one hand to Merlin’s leg to rub Merlin’s shins or give Merlin’s ankles a squeeze or scratch random patterns through the denim near Merlin’s knees. It was so casual and warm and easy. Merlin found himself not ever wanting to leave the library—he could bask in this closeness for days.

Eventually, though, he finished his reading.

“How’s it going?” he whispered, pressing the tips of his shoes up into Arthur’s leg.

Arthur gave an exaggerated pout. “Badly.” He flicked the screen of his laptop in annoyance. “You finished?”

“Yeah,” Merlin said, feeling strangely guilty. “I think I’m going to grab some food and go back to my room. There’s some writing I need to do.”

Arthur nodded, stifling a yawn. “You’re abandoning me,” he said plaintively.

“Yes,” Merlin teased. “You smell bad.”

“I do _not_ ,” Arthur said, feigning offense.

Merlin grinned and packed up his belongings, waiting until the last possible moment to pull his feet out from under Arthur’s legs.

“Text me?” Arthur asked as Merlin stood. “I’ll probably be here the rest of the day.”

Merlin nodded as he pushed his chair and the table back into their rightful spots.

“Dinner tomorrow?” Arthur asked, reaching out to grab Merlin’s hand.

Merlin leaned down to kiss Arthur’s forehead and then, damning thoughts of who might see, gave him a kiss on the lips as well.

“Dinner tomorrow,” he agreed. He gave Arthur’s hand a squeeze and made himself leave before he could change his mind.

 

~~0~~

 

Back in his room with a wrap from the vegan café, Merlin settled at his desk and typed up an outline for a paper he had due the next week, opening his senior project when he finished.

He was writing a novella disguised as a series of short stories, with each section building off the previous one until everything came together—interwoven and jumbled and backwards—in a final chapter.

He’d been working on the idea for over a year and had most of the sections planned out, but he had been struggling to make the details of the connections between the stories clear without being too obvious.

He had the whole year to finish his project—more than 5 months left to work on it—and, so far, he’d written two of the ten chapters. The second piece was the one he had worked on earlier that week, before he’d gotten involved with Arthur, and the one featuring the couple holding hands.

Merlin read over that story, amazed at how new it seemed after ignoring it for several days, and decided to get to work on the next chapter. He pulled up some videos of Years & Years—one of the bands Arthur had mentioned that morning at breakfast—and played them in the background as he ate his lunch and wrote until his back hurt from sitting in the hard chair for so long.

Just as he was thinking that he might take a break to jerk off and fantasize about Arthur, there was a series of knocks on his door.

Merlin recognized the pattern and opened his door to see—as he knew he would—Will standing in the hallway.

“Dinner?”

Merlin glanced back at his laptop and was surprised by the time. He’d eaten his lunch late in the afternoon, so he wasn’t hungry for a full meal, but he decided to join Will anyway—for the company and a snack or maybe some dessert.

“Where’ve you been?” Will asked as they walked across campus to the dining hall. “I kept knocking on your door this weekend, but you were never there. Or were you hiding from me?”

“No, I was… with Arthur,” Merlin said quietly, blushing.

Will laughed and knocked his shoulder into Merlin, causing Merlin to stumble. “Yeah? You fucked him yet?”

“No.”

“Sucked him?”

“No.”

“Has he sucked _you_?” Will guessed.

Merlin shrugged, blushing harder, and Will laughed again.

“Congrats, man,” he said. “That’s fucking gross.”

“It’s pretty nasty,” Merlin agreed. “How’s your weekend been?”

Will launched into a detailed description of everything he’d done in the past 48 hours, ending his story as they reached the dining hall with, “And then, I knocked on your door, and you were finally fucking there. A sight for sore eyes!”

Merlin rolled his eyes and held open the door, pushing Will through it. “I’m so sorry you had to suffer through two full days without me.”

“I almost died,” Will said seriously. “You’re lucky I lived to tell the tale.”

“And what a tale it was,” Merlin mumbled, following Will to get a plate.

He ended up getting himself half a bagel, an apple, and a bowl of chocolate pudding. He got a mug of decaf tea as well and waited for Will to finish getting food before leading the way to the back room to find a table.

Gwen was already there, sitting a small table with Lance near the windows. She smiled at them as they came in but didn’t wave them over, so they got their own table in the far corner.

“Who’s that guy?” Will asked, glancing over his shoulder.

“Lance. He’s friends with Elyan and Arthur, on the rugby team.”

“You know him?”

“Yeah, I… met him this weekend.”

“Are you breaking up with me for the _rugby team_?” Will asked disdainfully.

“No,” Merlin said firmly. “They’re mostly straight, anyway.”

“And what am I?”

Merlin sniggered, trying to spread around a gob of jelly on his bagel with the tip of his finger since he hadn’t grabbed a knife. “Horny and alone.”

Will snorted. “Thanks.”

They ate in silence for a few minutes, both sneaking glances over at Gwen and Lance as often as they could manage without being too obvious. Gwen looked happy, and Merlin hoped that Lance was really as nice as he seemed.

“So,” Will said eventually, “besides the blowjob, what did you get up to this weekend?”

Merlin ate a large spoonful of pudding, trying to remember everything that happened since he’d last seen Will.

“I went over to Arthur’s dorm after I left your room on Friday night,” he said. “I met Lance and another guy, Gwaine. Then on Saturday—yesterday—I had breakfast with Gwen, and we went to watch their rugby game.”

Will looked skeptical. “Did you like it?”

“Not really,” Merlin admitted. “Then, that night, Arthur made dinner. We went off-campus for dessert and then hung out with more of his friends in the gazebo behind his dorm. Gwen was there for that bit. This morning, um… the blowjob. And then, we went to the library for a bit, and, after that, I came back to the dorm.”

“And you can still talk to him?”

Merlin shrugged, poking at the pudding with his spoon. “Sometimes. I haven’t been great with his friends, but it’s better when it’s just him. It’s been kind of on and off, but… it’s better than nothing, I guess.”

“You’ll get there,” Will said, smiling. “It sounds like he’s pretty into you.”

“I do not know why,” Merlin said, “but that certainly seems to be the case.”

Will rolled his eyes. “Whatever. And you’re into him? You’re not just doing this out of desperation?”

“No,” Merlin said quietly. “He’s great.”

“Good. I look forward to meeting him.”

Merlin took another bite of pudding instead of responding. He wasn’t sure if Will and Arthur would get along.

“Do you want to invite him over for a game night?” Will asked. “We could see if Gwen and what’s-his-face can come.”

“Yeah,” Merlin agreed, thinking it would be better to introduce Arthur to Will in a group setting. “Maybe next weekend.”

“How about now? The night is young.”

Merlin looked up in time to see Gwen and Lance gathering their plates and leaving the back room.

“Might be too short notice,” he said.

Will shrugged and looked over his shoulder to see Gwen and Lance’s table empty. “I’ll text her,” he said, pulling out his phone. “Invite your plaything.”

“He’s not a plaything.”

“Fuckboy, then.”

“He’s not—you’re gross.”

Will smiled proudly as he typed out a message to Gwen. “I offered your room,” he said when he was done, slipping his phone back into his pocket. “Mine’s a mess.”

“How thoughtful,” Merlin deadpanned.

 

~~0~~

 

By the time Merlin and Will were back at their dorm, they’d finalized plans for Gwen, Lance, and Arthur to come over to Merlin’s room at 9pm. Will needed to do more homework, so he headed to his own room with a promise of showing up at Merlin’s at 8:45 to ‘talk out those nerves.’

Merlin appreciated the sentiment but wasn’t sure talking would help. He was just nervous—about everything. He didn’t know if Arthur and Will would get along. He didn’t know if Lance and Will would get along. He didn’t know if Arthur and Lance would have any interest in playing a board game. He just didn’t know.

When Merlin reached his room, he sat down on the bed and tried to take a deep breath to calm himself down. It was too quick and too shallow.

He tried again—taking a longer, slower breath—and felt the tension in his shoulders easing a bit. He had no real reason to think that Arthur and Will specifically wouldn’t get along; they were both nice people and they would be on their best behaviors, for his sake. But it was still an unknown, and Merlin could see all the potential problems from a mile away.

Even as his thoughts started to spiral, Merlin could tell that he hadn’t quite figured out what was really bothering him. He was dwelling on this issue, but he wasn’t feeling any worse—he wasn’t feeling better by any means, but he wasn’t getting worse. Maybe he was worried about something else. But if it wasn’t Arthur and Will, what was it?

Merlin played out a few nightmare scenarios in his head and found his thoughts drifting to what might happen after the game, after his friends had left.

Was Arthur planning to stay the night? What were they going to do? How was Merlin going to react to it?

And how was Will going to react to Arthur _and_ Merlin? Will had known Merlin was gay for a long time, but it had always been sort of a hypothetical. Merlin had never dated anyone, had never even really tried to date anyone. Will’s acceptance had always been clear, but what if he changed his mind when he actually saw Merlin and Arthur together? What if it made him uncomfortable? What if he thought it was _actually_ gross? What if it shifted something fundamental about their friendship that could never be undone?

Merlin pushed himself off his bed and began cleaning blindly. He moved things around, picked things up and immediately put them back down where they’d just been, made piles of unrelated objects, and shoved random items into his closet and dresser drawers.

When his room was more presentable and he was feeling slightly numb, Merlin sat at his desk and stared at his laptop. He realized he still had a while before Will was coming over—maybe he should do a little homework or write something to distract himself or just find something to read on the internet so he wouldn’t have to think about all of the things that could be about to go wrong.

His cell phone rang, startling him out of his thoughts. He pulled it out of his pocket, expecting that it might be Arthur calling to cancel, but saw that it was his mother instead.

“Hi,” he said, slightly surprised at how calm his voice sounded.

“Hi, Merlin,” Hunith said warmly. “How are you?”

“I’m—I’m good. Um… I’m good.”

“Are you sure?” Hunith teased.

“Yeah, I’m… I was just, um, cleaning my room.”

“Cleaning? Are you ill?”

“No,” Merlin said, laughing. He got up from his desk and lay across his bed. “Just, uh… working out some nervous energy, I guess.”

“What are you nervous about? Classes all going well?”

“Yeah, yeah, classes are fine. Um… yeah, everything’s fine. Nothing’s wrong…”

“Yet,” Hunith finished for him. “What are you worried about?”

“It’s nothing,” Merlin said, realizing he’d have to explain _everything_ if he tried to tell her why he was nervous.

“It’s not nothing.”

“No,” Merlin agreed but offered no further explanation.

“Well,” Hunith said after a long moment of silence, “I had lunch with Gaius yesterday. He says hello.”

“Oh? How is he?”

“Good. Still working despite the fact that he’s long overdue for retirement.”

Merlin chuckled. “Sounds about right.”

There was another pause, and then Hunith asked, “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

Merlin shrugged even though she couldn’t see him. “I’m… having friends over soon.”

“Gwen and Will?”

“Yeah and, um… this guy Lance that, um, that Gwen is, um… I think they’re starting to date.”

“Oh? Is he nice?”

“Yeah, he’s—he’s on the rugby team with, um, this…” Merlin took a deep breath, closing his eyes against the hot blush on his cheeks. “He’s on the rugby team with this other guy that I’m sort of… starting to maybe date, too.”

Merlin kept his eyes clenched shut, trying to imagine his mother’s reaction.

“Really?” she asked, somehow audibly smiling.

“Yeah. Um…”

“What’s his name?”

“Oh—Arthur.” Merlin took another deep breath and opened his eyes. He got off the bed and checked his reflection in the mirror next to his closet—he was bright red.

“How did you meet?”

“Um.” Merlin frowned at his reflection; he had no idea how to explain the way he and Arthur had finally come together.

“Merlin?” Hunith asked when he’d been quiet for too long.

Merlin turned away from the mirror and sat at his desk again. “Gwen’s brother is on the rugby team with him, so… that’s… how we met.”

That was close enough to the truth.

“What’s he like?”

“He’s, um… he’s nice and funny and… yeah, he’s really nice.”

“How long has this been going on?”

“Not that long,” Merlin admitted, realizing it was probably too soon to begin talking about it. “Just… just a couple days, I guess, but…. I don’t know, it kind of feels longer. I don’t know. A few days, yeah.”

“And… you can talk to him okay?”

“Mostly. He’s… pretty understanding. Or, patient, at least.”

“Good. I’m—Merlin, I love you so much. I’m happy for you, and I hope you enjoy time with your friends tonight.”

She sounded emotional, and for some reason Merlin could feel himself tipping that way, too. “Thanks, Mom. I…”

“I’ll let you go. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Call me next weekend,” she said before hanging up.

Merlin set his phone down and rubbed at his eyes. A good cry would probably make him feel better—it would at least help him release whatever nervous tension he still had—but he knew he didn’t have time.

Instead, Merlin spent his last few minutes alone putting together a playlist for the evening’s game night.

In no time at all, there was a knock on the door and Merlin answered it to see Will out in the hallway, his arms weighed down by no less than five board games.

“Indecisive much?” Merlin asked, letting Will inside.

Will set the games down on Merlin’s bed and shrugged happily. “How’re you feeling, champ?” He clapped Merlin on the back.

“I’m—I’m fine,” Merlin said, laughing. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m… I think so. I’m good.”

“I’m not going to bite him,” Will promised.

Merlin nodded. “Good. Thank you.”

“What are you worried about?”

“I… don’t know.”

“You do,” Will said firmly, sitting on the edge of Merlin’s bed.

“I’m…” Merlin sighed and sat down at his desk. “You’re not, um… I don’t know. I’ve never—you’ve never, like… seen me with a guy before, so…”

“Merlin,” Will said seriously, “you could fuck him on this bed with me still in the room and I wouldn’t care. I mean, I would think it was weird and inappropriate and I would leave, but it wouldn’t bother me.”

“Are you sure?” Merlin asked quietly, staring at the floor.

“Yes. Do you need me to kiss you to prove it?”

Merlin laughed. “No. God, no. No, thank you.”

“Good. What else are you worried about?”

“Sex stuff,” Merlin said, mostly to see Will’s reaction.

Predictably, Will made a grotesque face. “Well, you know what they say.”

“What’s that?”

“Stick ‘em with the pointy end.”

Merlin snorted. “Thanks. Very helpful.”

“I give _great_ advice,” Will said, grinning.

“You’re an idiot. Want to see the evening’s playlist?”

“Yeah.” Will pushed off the bed with a grunt and Merlin let him take the desk chair. “You’ve got gay-ass taste in music.”

There was another knock, so Merlin got up, flicked Will’s ear before stepping out of reach of retaliation, and opened the door.

Arthur was in the hall with a six-pack of beer and a bright smile. He leaned in for a kiss before Merlin could stop him, only noticing Will when he pulled back.

“Whoops. Figured I was early. Hey.”

Merlin took the beer from Arthur as Will stood and crossed the room to shake Arthur’s hand.

“No worries. I’m Will.”

“Arthur. Good to meet you. Are we playing all of these?” he asked, nodding at the stack of board games on Merlin’s bed as he dropped his backpack on the floor.

“Yeah. You’ve never marathoned a board game collection?”

Arthur chuckled. “Can’t say that I have.”

There was another knock and Gwen opened the door without waiting. “Oh. Guess we’re not early. We brought bread.” She came into the room, Lance behind her, and set down an unwrapped loaf of bread on the board games.

“Why’d you bring bread?” Will asked, poking at the loaf.

“We made it.”

“You _made_ this?” Arthur asked. “Shit. That’s way better than grilled cheese.”

Lance smirked and closed the door behind himself.

“What are we playing?” Gwen asked after an awkward, silent moment.

Merlin went back to his desk and started up his playlist to make sure there was background noise. Arthur followed, rubbing his back; Merlin hated that Arthur could read his anxiety so easily, but he also appreciated the comforting touch.

He stayed silent as everyone else debated the game options and finally decided on Settlers of Catan, which Arthur and Lance had never played before.

“We can do teams,” Gwen suggested. “But—oh, that’d leave Will by himself.”

“That’s fine,” Will said. “I’ll beat all of you anyway.” He pulled Merlin’s side table into the middle of the room and began setting up the game.

“You okay?” Arthur asked quietly. He and Merlin were still standing near Merlin’s desk.

“Yeah,” Merlin managed in a whisper. “Is this okay? The game…”

“I’m having a good time,” Arthur promised before leaning closer to kiss just below Merlin’s ear. “Relax.”

Merlin couldn’t stop himself from scanning the room to see who had noticed Arthur kissing him, but everyone was preoccupied with setting up the game.

Gwen and Lance took seats on Merlin’s bed, and Will set up camp on the floor in front of Merlin’s closet; this left Arthur with the desk chair and Merlin with a padded foot stool that he’d gotten at a thrift store.

Once everything was set up, Gwen explained the rules to Lance and Arthur and then let Will take the first turn to place his markers on the board.

“I don’t think any of that stuck in my brain,” Arthur said, looking down at his and Merlin’s pile of blue pieces.

“You’ll catch on,” Merlin whispered, scoping out the best spot on the board to set up his and Arthur’s first settlement.

As everyone placed their pieces, Arthur started passing out beers. Before long, the game was in full swing—with Lance and Arthur taking a back seat to Gwen and Merlin—and everyone was drinking beer, eating homemade bread, and, despite Merlin’s earlier anxiety, having a good time.

“We can make a road,” Arthur said quietly during one of his and Merlin’s turns. “Or… trade, I guess.”

“Road,” Merlin decided, laying down their piece. “Now we’ve got the longest road.”

“Damn it!” Will shouted, double-checking the board. “Damn you, Merlin. You always sneak that in somehow.”

“That’s because I’m better at this game than you are. Fork it over.” Merlin held out his hand and waited patiently for Will to pull the ‘longest road’ card out of the box.

“What just happened?” Arthur asked.

“Your asshole partner got the longest road,” Will said grumpily, tracing the road across the board with his fingers. “He always fucking does this.”

“Not my fault that you don’t,” Merlin said sensibly. “We have two more points, now,” he explained to Arthur. “Will’s very jealous of us.”

Arthur smirked. “Good.”

The game continued, most of the drama coming from Will trying to catch up on his road-building while trash-talking everyone else, until Gwen replaced her last settlement with a city and won.

“Fuck that,” Will said, knocking over Gwen’s city. “I could have won on my next turn.”

“We could have, too,” Arthur said sadly. “I think.”

“No,” Merlin said, laughing. “We definitely couldn’t have.”

“Oh. I’m bad at this game.”

“Yes,” Gwen agreed. “But I am great at it.”

“I’m just okay,” Lance joked.

The last song of Merlin’s playlist faded out, and then they were left in silence.

Will, seemingly unbothered by the sudden quiet, began plucking his pieces off the board. “Should we play another round or call it quits?”

“How long did that one take?” Lance asked, pulling out his phone to check the time.

“An hour,” Arthur said. “Is that usually what it takes?”

“Depends,” Gwen said as she gathered up her and Lance’s pieces. “It can be over in less than twenty if you get lucky, or it can go on for hours if no one gets lucky.”

“Let’s call it a night,” Merlin decided, not wanting to push his luck that everyone would stay in high spirits through another game. “Next time, we can teach you the Cities and Knights expansion.”

“It gets _more_ complicated?” Lance asked.

“Way more,” Gwen confirmed. “Next time, you’re on own your own. And you’re going down.”

Lance grinned and helped to clean up the rest of the game.

With everyone else distracted, Arthur leaned down to whisper in Merlin’s ear. “Want me to go?”

Merlin shivered slightly from Arthur’s breath on his neck and shook his head. He finished off the beer he’d been nursing all night and got to his feet, stretching out his legs. Arthur stood as well, looping one arm around Merlin’s waist.

Merlin blushed and shoved his hands in his pockets, waiting for someone to notice and comment.

“Do you want the rest of the bread?” Gwen asked, holding up the last third of the loaf.

“It’s yours,” Merlin managed quietly. “Thank you for sharing.”

Gwen and Lance left first, with hugs all around, then Will with all his games and the last beer in tow.

“I like your friends,” Arthur said, closing the door behind him.

Merlin nodded. “Yeah. I like them, too.”

Arthur chuckled and moved in for a slow, warm, sweet kiss. “Are you sure you want me to stay?”

Merlin nodded again, threading his fingers through Arthur’s hair and pulling Arthur in for another kiss. Arthur pushed his hands under Merlin’s shirt to hold onto Merlin’s bare sides, and Merlin moaned a little, feeling warmer as heat pricked along the skin Arthur was touching.

“God, I want you,” Arthur groaned, crowding Merlin against the closet door. He reached around to grope Merlin’s ass, and Merlin moaned into the kiss again.

“Wait, wait,” Merlin said, his head spinning a little at how fast they were moving. “Wait.”

Arthur stepped back, looking nervous. “What? Was that—are you not—I’m sorry.”

“No, no,” Merlin said quickly, giving Arthur a small kiss. “I just—I really need to pee before we go any further.”

“Oh… yeah. I should, too.”

Making sure his door was unlocked so they could get back into the room, Merlin lead Arthur down the hall toward the bathrooms. There were two restrooms next to each other: one with shower stalls and a single toilet stall tucked in the corner, and the other with no showers but three toilet stalls.

Merlin ducked into the lone stall near the showers, leaving Arthur to the other bathroom. It took a while for him to relax enough to relieve himself—he was already hard—but, eventually, he did. He made it back to his room, but Arthur wasn’t there yet, so he sat at his desk and started up the playlist again, hoping the music would distract him from getting too nervous again. The alcohol was helping some, but he’d only had the one beer, and he still wanted to take the extra precaution.

Merlin checked his email and was scrolling through a campus security newsletter when he heard his door click shut. He turned to see Arthur dancing, hips swaying suggestively.

“I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly,” Arthur sang, ignoring the actual song that was playing.

“I’m definitely not,” Merlin agreed.

“‘Cause my body’s too bootylicious for you, baby!” Arthur shimmied, rubbing his hands over himself and giving Merlin a wink.

Merlin laughed and got to his feet. He moved forward, closer and closer to Arthur, until Arthur had backed up as much as possible and had no choice but to sit on the edge of Merlin’s bed. Merlin pressed on, forcing Arthur to scoot until his back was against the wall and Merlin had room to straddle his lap.

“This is nice,” Arthur said, sliding his hands up Merlin’s thighs.

Merlin hummed his agreement and leaned in for a kiss. The buzz from the beer was finally kicking in, the music was filling the room and leaving little space for worry, and Merlin was _horny_. Arthur had been so nice to his friends—and his friends had been nice to Arthur—and everything had gone so well. Arthur was charming and funny and friendly and a delight to spend time with. And Merlin wanted him.

“I love your fucking mouth,” Arthur gasped when Merlin broke away to kiss Arthur’s neck. “That’s—mmm.” Arthur moved his hands around to Merlin’s ass and started lifting his hips.

Merlin ground his hips against Arthur’s as he sucked on the warm skin just below Arthur’s ear and, pretty soon, Arthur was panting.

“Jesus,” Arthur moaned when Merlin nibbled on his earlobe. “You’re—”

Merlin cut him off with another kiss.

They carried on for a bit, with Merlin setting the pace and doing whatever he wanted to Arthur’s lips and ears and neck, until Arthur finally moved things along by sliding his hands under Merlin’s shirt.

“Do you want to keep going?”

“Yeah. Do you?”

“Definitely.” Arthur nipped at Merlin’s lower lip before pushing off his shirt.

Merlin tried to return the favor but was impeded when Arthur leaned forward to get his mouth on Merlin’s nipples.

“Holy shit,” Merlin said, feeling himself starting to shiver and tremble. He wasn’t sure if it was the awkward position he’d been in for too long, or if it was how strangely incredible Arthur’s tongue felt on his chest, but, whatever it was, it was overwhelming.

“Still good?” Arthur asked, his voice muffled against Merlin’s skin.

Merlin nodded and then managed a weak, “Yeah,” when he registered the fact that Arthur wasn’t looking up at him.

As Arthur continued, Merlin found it harder and harder to catch his breath. He grabbed onto Arthur’s hair, keeping Arthur’s mouth where he wanted it, and rolled his hips forward as best he could, deciding to go with the pleasure instead of against it. His nipples seemed to have developed a direct link to his cock, and everything Arthur’s mouth was doing was sparking through him and pushing him closer to the edge of an orgasm. He didn’t want to come yet, but he had never felt anything like this before, and he couldn’t bring himself to stop it—everything was going so fast that he wasn’t even sure he’d be able to stop it.

Arthur pressed one hand to the small of Merlin’s back and pushed the other between their bodies to rub his knuckles against the bulge in Merlin’s jeans.

“I’m—oh fuck, I’m going to come. I’m going to come,” Merlin babbled.

Arthur pressed his hand harder to Merlin’s cock and flicked his tongue against one of Merlin’s nipples, humming encouragement as he did so.

Merlin bit down harshly on his lip, but it did little to quiet his moans as he came. He jerked and flailed a bit, his muscles working independently of his brain to keep him upright as his mind went blank and his body pulsed.

“Fucking fuck,” he heard Arthur say, distantly.

Merlin swallowed dryly and looked down to see Arthur staring up at him with wide eyes and pornographically plump, wet lips.

Merlin shifted slightly, his legs mostly numb, and Arthur pulled him close and rested back against the wall.

“Did you know your nipples were that sensitive?” Arthur asked, his face pressed to Merlin’s neck.

“No,” Merlin admitted. His cock was still throbbing dully in his jeans. He felt slightly stunned—he had never come like that before.

Arthur let out a sound between a laugh and groan. “There’s so much I want to do to you,” he said, his voice low.

“I’m very okay with that. This sex stuff is a lot more fun than I had even hoped for.”

Arthur chuckled and gave Merlin a soft kiss. “You’re much more relaxed with all this when you’ve had a bit to drink.”

“That’s generally how alcohol works,” Merlin pointed out.

Arthur smirked and bit playfully at Merlin’s lower lip. “What do you want to do now?”

“I… I want to give you a blowjob,” Merlin whispered, the words strange to say and stranger to hear.

Arthur’s eyebrows went up. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, but…” Merlin licked his lips and shifted a little, gradually becoming aware of the sticky mess in his briefs. “I don’t… have any condoms,” he admitted.

Arthur gave an exaggerated pout, which Merlin immediately kissed away.

“I have some,” Arthur said when Merlin pulled back. “If you’re sure.”

“Yes. Yeah. I’m sure.”

Arthur gave Merlin a long look, followed by a long kiss, and then nodded. Merlin lifted himself off Arthur’s lap and stood to remove the rest of his clothes. He dumped them in his laundry basket and wiped himself off a bit with a washcloth that he wasn’t entirely sure was clean.

Arthur, still fully clothed, dug around in his backpack until he pulled out a few condoms.

“You really don’t have any?” he asked, dropping them on Merlin’s bed before taking off his shirt. “Like… not even just in case? You just had no hope of ever getting laid?”

“I had hope,” Merlin defended himself. “I used to have some. Once. They expired.”

Arthur grinned and pulled Merlin in for a kiss. “Do you at least have lube?”

“Yes.” Merlin stepped away and opened his underwear drawer. He pulled out a bottle and tossed it to Arthur, not entirely sure what else to do. He was feeling slightly more sober now that he’d come.

Arthur glanced at the label on the bottle before dropping it on the bed and giving Merlin a soft kiss.

Merlin pushed down Arthur’s jeans enough to reach into his boxers and found that he wasn’t completely hard yet, but it didn’t take long to get him there.

“Are you really sure?” Arthur asked, his voice low and breathy.

Merlin nodded before licking into Arthur’s mouth. He moved his hand a little lower to play with Arthur’s balls, and Arthur groaned against his lips.

“Where do you want me?” Arthur asked when Merlin pulled back.

Merlin licked his lips and glanced around his room, trying to figure out what would be the sexiest option.

While Merlin was thinking, Arthur finished undressing and started dancing to the music again.

“You’re ridiculous,” Merlin muttered, shoving Arthur against the wall.

Arthur grinned, his chest heaving a bit as he watched Merlin sink down to the floor.

“You look—shit, the condoms. Hold on.”

Merlin sat back on his haunches as Arthur grabbed a condom and the lube from the bed. He prepared himself quickly, shooting Merlin a few shy smiles, and slid himself back into place between Merlin and the wall.

“Okay.” He brushed his fingers through Merlin’s hair. “Fuck, you look good down there.”

Merlin smirked and eyed Arthur’s cock, debating his first move. Arthur’s cock was twitching in anticipation, getting stiffer and redder right before Merlin’s eyes.

Merlin licked his lips and moved forward, still without much of a plan, but then he remembered what Arthur had asked him that morning, when their positions had been reversed.

“Will you let me know if you don’t like what I’m doing?” he asked.

Arthur gave a lopsided smile and nodded.

Merlin licked his lips again and reached out with his tongue to tease the underside of Arthur’s cock. He wasn’t crazy about the taste of the condom, but he could still smell _Arthur_ underneath the rubbery scent and was surprised by how much he liked that. He licked around Arthur’s cock, getting used to how it felt, and then surged forward, taking as much into his mouth as he could.

“Fuck,” Arthur breathed, choking out a few moans as Merlin pulled back.

“Is this okay?” he asked, glancing up.

“So fucking okay,” Arthur said, dragging his fingertips along Merlin’s jawline.

Merlin smiled and leaned in again to see what his tongue could do when his mouth was stuffed full of cock.

“Jesus,” Arthur groaned, clutching at Merlin’s hair.

Merlin built up a rhythm, trying to pay attention to what made Arthur react the most and pulling back to lick and suck at the head of Arthur’s cock whenever he felt like he might gag.

“Slow down,” Arthur said, tugging at Merlin’s hair.

Merlin hummed around Arthur’s cock—in agreement or protest or acknowledgement, he wasn’t sure—and sat back a little. He wondered how much time had passed; it didn’t feel like any at all, but he was pretty sure that was just because of how much he had been enjoying himself. He was hard again, and there were a few drops of his own precome on the floor beneath him.

“You okay?” Arthur asked, his voice as raspy as if he were the one who had just been sucking cock.

Merlin nodded. “Yeah, I’m—are you?”

Arthur bit his lower lip, staring down at Merlin with wide eyes.

“Can I…” Merlin reached out and gave Arthur’s cock a few strokes.

“Bed?” Arthur suggested.

Merlin shrugged and stood up shakily, shocked at how much his knees were suddenly hurting. Arthur gave him a knowing, sympathetic smile as he lay down.

Merlin settled himself between Arthur’s legs and reached out to play with Arthur’s balls. Arthur hummed with pleasure, lifting his hips slightly.

Licking his lips, Merlin leaned down. Arthur had his hands back in Merlin’s hair before Merlin had even started sucking him again. Merlin let Arthur guide his rhythm, taking control only when he needed to catch his breath by pulling back and flicking his tongue against Arthur’s slit.

“Merlin,” Arthur said quietly.

Merlin glanced up, his mouth still around the head of Arthur’s cock. He’d lost track of time again.

Arthur gave a frustrated groan and pushed at Merlin’s shoulders until Merlin let Arthur’s cock slip out of his mouth with a wet ‘pop.’

Merlin sat up and licked his lips, slowly realizing how sore his jaw was.

“Sorry,” Arthur said, his face flushed.

“What—” Merlin cleared his throat, surprised at how hoarse he’d sounded. “What are you apologizing for, exactly?”

“I’m…” Arthur propped himself up on his elbows. “I’m not used to getting blown with a condom on. I’m… I don’t think I can come this way.”

“Oh,” Merlin said, not sure what else to say.

“It’s not you,” Arthur said quickly. He pushed himself all the way up and gave Merlin a kiss. “You’re fantastic.”

“I’m… I’m pretty new…”

“Yeah,” Arthur agreed, “but you’re enthusiastic as fuck. You’re a natural.”

“Thanks?”

Arthur moved in for another kiss, this one long and wet and slow.

“You were really, really good,” Arthur promised when he pulled back.

Merlin shrugged. “Well… what… what do you want to do instead?”

“Whatever you want.”

Merlin wrapped his thumb and forefinger around the base of Arthur’s cock and pushed the condom up until it flopped lamely onto Arthur’s thigh. Arthur dropped it into the trash can.

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

“It’s fine,” Merlin whispered, reaching for the lube. He spread some over his fingers before wrapping them around Arthur’s cock and giving it a few slick strokes. “This okay?”

Arthur nodded and hummed appreciatively, lying back down.

Merlin slipped back into experimenting, focusing on the slide of Arthur’s cock in his palm and learning the pressure and speed that Arthur preferred. Sometimes, Arthur would let out a particularly deep moan, and Merlin couldn’t help but give his own cock a few tugs with his other hand, which always made Arthur groan even louder.

Pretty soon, Arthur was letting out a steady stream of noise and lifting his hips in time with Merlin’s stroking. His chest and his neck were flushed red, and he was gripping Merlin’s sheets with both hands; he seemed very close, but Merlin wasn’t ready for this to end. He loved being between Arthur’s legs, in control and with Arthur at his mercy.

Merlin slowed his hand down until Arthur was practically grunting in protest, and then he pulled back to pour more lube over his fingers.

“Come on,” Arthur said breathlessly, pushing his hips up.

Merlin bit down hard on his lip as he rolled Arthur’s balls between his fingers, spreading lube over them. He gave them a tug, making Arthur groan, and looked up as he slipped his fingers a little lower. He rubbed the spot behind Arthur’s balls and Arthur gasped, eyes locking with Merlin’s.

“Is this—”

“Yes,” Arthur said, spreading his legs more.

Merlin bit his lip again and let two fingers trail down lower until they were pressed against the warm, puckered muscles of Arthur’s hole.

Arthur moaned shakily, his chest heaving.

“Is this—”

“ _Yes_ ,” Arthur said again, pushing his hips against Merlin’s fingers.

Merlin gulped and hurried to add more lube. He rubbed his fingertips up and down Arthur’s ass, watching the way Arthur’s muscles clenched in response.

“Merlin,” Arthur breathed, reaching for his cock. Merlin huffed, his own cock twitching in response. Arthur gripped the base of his cock and panted as Merlin continued rubbing him. “Fuck, Merlin.”

Merlin reached for his cock with his free hand, stroking himself as quickly as he dared. This was the single hottest thing that had ever happened to him.

“Come here,” Arthur breathed.

Merlin licked his lips before leaning down to give Arthur a filthy kiss. He braced himself on the bed with his free hand, letting go of his cock and allowing himself to rut against Arthur’s hip instead.

“Can I…” Merlin rubbed one finger around Arthur’s hole, pressing just hard enough to make his question clear.

“Yeah—yeah,” Arthur moaned, his other hand clutching Merlin’s back.

Merlin sat up briefly to add more lube—he squeezed out too much and got it all over his sheets—but quickly leaned down again to kiss Arthur roughly as he pushed the tip of his finger into Arthur’s tight, hot hole.

Arthur groaned and Merlin groaned and Arthur lifted his hips, and then Merlin was finger-fucking him.

Arthur was panting, his lips useless against Merlin’s, so Merlin ducked down to suck on his neck instead.

“Merlin,” Arthur said shakily, stroking himself quickly.

Merlin bit down on Arthur’s shoulder, trying not to come as he pressed his cock harder against Arthur’s side. He pushed the tip of another finger into Arthur’s ass, and Arthur cried out and bucked. Arthur jerked his hand over his cock—the fingernails of his other hand digging painfully into Merlin’s back—and came so hard it sounded like he might be suffocating.

“Fuck,” Merlin said blankly. He slowly pulled his fingers out and rubbed the tips over Arthur’s hole again, amazed that Arthur was apparently _still_ coming. Arthur’s muscles were clenching against Merlin’s fingertips in time with the pulsing of his cock against Merlin’s hip, and it was almost too much.

“Come on,” Arthur breathed, his whole body going limp even as he managed to get his hand around Merlin’s cock. “Come on me.”

Merlin choked out a groan as his orgasm rushed through him at Arthur’s words. Arthur stroked him lazily as he came, drawing it out until he had to roll out of Arthur’s reach. He wedged himself between Arthur’s side and the wall, struggling to catch his breath.

“Holy fucking shit,” Arthur said weakly, dragging his fingers through the mess on his stomach. “Jesus, Merlin.”

“Yeah,” Merlin panted. “Yeah. Yeah.”

Arthur lifted his arm with a grunt and managed to wrap it around Merlin’s shoulders.

They lay like that until their heart rates settled and they’d had enough time to become aware of how sweaty and clammy they were and of exactly what they’d just done.

“Was that… was that too fast?” Arthur asked, staring up at the ceiling. “Was that too much?”

“No? I don’t know… you tell me.”

“That was _fantastic_ for me,” Arthur said. He turned his head slightly to give Merlin a kiss. “How was it for you?”

“Pretty mind-boggling,” Merlin answered honestly. “In a really, really good way.”

Arthur grinned and leaned in close for a slow, deep, sleepy kiss.

“I hate that you don’t have your own bathroom right now,” he said when he pulled back.

Merlin snorted. “God, yeah… me, too.”

Slowly, and as if it were the most difficult thing he’d ever done, Arthur pushed himself up until he was sitting. Merlin followed suit, dragging himself up by gripping Arthur’s broad shoulders.

“What’s the chance of running into someone in the hallway?” Arthur asked.

“If you go out as you are right now, 100%. At least wrap a towel around your waist so you’re not tempting fate.”

Arthur let out a heavy sigh and then dropped his legs off the edge of the bed. He stood with a groan and stretched as though he’d been asleep for days.

“Come on,” Merlin said, getting to his feet. “You can do it.” He stepped around Arthur, grabbed the washcloth he’d used on himself earlier, and wiped off Arthur’s front.

Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin’s waist, pulling him in for a long kiss.

“Thank you,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to Merlin’s ear.

“Are you… thanking me for sex?” Merlin asked, grinning.

“Probably.” Arthur kissed a trail down Merlin’s jaw and gave his Adam’s apple a lick. “I think that orgasm addled my brain.”

Merlin chuckled and tugged at Arthur’s hair until he lifted his head so Merlin could kiss him.

“Come on. Let’s go wash up, and then we can sleep it off until we’re smart again.”

Arthur smiled and gave Merlin another kiss before letting him step away. Merlin grabbed two towels, and they wrapped them around their waists before sneaking out into the hall.

As Merlin had predicted, they didn’t meet anyone on the way to the bathrooms. They went into the showers and closed the door in hopes of a few minutes of privacy.

Arthur turned on one of the showers and pulled Merlin into the stall with him.

They washed off quickly—Merlin hurrying along more than he would have liked, unwilling to be caught in a public shower with another person—and stepped back out of the shower within five minutes.

“Do you still want to get tested tomorrow?” Arthur asked as he patted himself dry.

“Oh, yeah. When’s your first class?”

“Not until 11,” Arthur said, scrubbing the towel over his hair. “You?”

“I’m free until 1.”

“Okay, let’s… get breakfast around 9 and then head to Health Services. It shouldn’t take very long.”

“Okay,” Merlin agreed.

There was a knock on the door and Merlin froze.

“Just a minute!” Arthur called out casually. He wrapped his towel back around himself and motioned for Merlin to do the same. “Relax,” he said quietly, giving Merlin a quick kiss before opening the door. “Sorry about that.”

The girl—Merlin recognized her as someone he’d seen in the hall and in the common room before, but he didn’t know her name—said nothing; she just came into the bathroom with her caddy and stepped into one of the shower stalls.

Arthur winked cheerily and led the way back to Merlin’s room, where he dropped his towel on the floor and flopped down on Merlin’s bed.

“Don’t you ever get cold?” Merlin asked, picking up Arthur’s towel and hanging it over the back of his desk chair. He hung his up on a hook on the wall.

“Nope. Sleep naked with me?”

“I will definitely get cold.”

“You won’t. Body heat and all that.”

Merlin was about to protest when he realized that the room was silent. “When did the playlist end?” he asked, trying to remember if the music had still been on when they’d left for the showers.

“No idea,” Arthur admitted. He sat up a bit and held out his hands. “Come on. Just try. If you get cold you can put your clothes back on.”

Merlin rolled his eyes but lay down anyway. He climbed over Arthur so that he was against the wall, which was the spot he’d been in when he’d slept in Arthur’s bed, and curled up next to Arthur.

“I don’t understand how you’re so warm,” he said, draping an arm over Arthur’s chest. “It’s like you’re part sun.”

“What?”

“You’re so golden,” Merlin said, closing his eyes. “Your hair and your skin and your whole body. Blond and golden and warm. Like the sun.”

Arthur chucked quietly. “And you’re like the moon—dark and cold, but… enticing and alluring and stunning and… shining through the night and probably made of cheese.”

Merlin snorted. “Thanks.”

Arthur sat up with a grunt to wrestle with the sheets for a moment. Merlin took the opportunity to lay on his back and stretch out a little. When Arthur had the covers in hand, he lay on his side and draped an arm and a leg over Merlin before tugging the sheets over them both.

“I’ll keep you warm,” he said into Merlin’s shoulder. “Just don’t eclipse me.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Merlin mumbled, struggling to stay conscious now that he was tucked in.

“Me neither.” Arthur shifted up to kiss Merlin’s cheek. “Goodnight, Merlin.”

“Goodnight,” Merlin whispered, reaching for Arthur’s hand and lacing their fingers together. “Sleep tight. Stay bright.”

Arthur pressed a kiss to Merlin’s shoulder, and Merlin sighed happily as he lost the battle and started slipping into sleep with thoughts of him and Arthur—the moon and the sun—dancing around each other in the sky.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from [Bjork's 'It's Oh So Quiet'](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEC4nZ-yga8).
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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